Love, Lost, Love again - Swanqueen
by Knid06
Summary: SWANQUEEN:Emma has had a difficult past, a past in which she is always reluctant to speak about. She moved away from her hometown to London 5 years ago for a fresh start, where no one knew who she was,and more importantly anything about her, until one day she bumps into brunette at a convention,Emma is shocked to learn that she knows who she is and also seems to know about her past
1. Chapter1

August 2006

I can feel the slight droplets of rain on my skin with the wind making the temperature of my skin drop, but whatever is around me in that moment is so far away from my thoughts that all I can feel and hear is my own voice screaming, my lungs are burning, my heart has shattered into a million pieces

The pain is too much, this cant be happening, this can't be real, I am stood frozen in place, shock and disbelief is running through my veins making my blood turn to ice, my body begins to shake. The world has stopped on its axel in the matter of seconds, everything around me has stopped, I feel my hand gripping my phone before I fall to the floor

There is blood everywhere

My hands are covered in blood

I see lights flashing, and a truck pulls up behind me, I scream for help, but I am only dragged away, screaming trying to get back.

My heart is broken, my world ended in the matter of seconds

\--

August 2017

"please come with me Ruby, you know Lily can't take another Saturday off work" I say

"Emma, it is expensive" Ruby says while she is currently nursing a very dramatic hangover.

"I never ask you to do anything, this is the one time I am asking you to do this for me, you love the show just as much as me and you know how bad I am wanting to meet her" I say as I walking into the kitchen to grab some paracetamol and some fresh orange juice for her.

"urgh, will you drop this if I say I will think about it"

"maybe, maybe not, you have said you will think about this for weeks now. I need to know as the tickets will sell out soon and I refuse to miss yet another convention because you are unsure" I say getting more pissed off.

"RIGHT, fine I will come. I will do anything for silence, my head fucking is banging Emma" Ruby says through clenched teeth

"Well that's what you get for downing a million shots of Tequila and refusing to get a taxi home" I say throwing the tablets at her.

"Why are you being so moody lately, this past week you have been on edge, you even shouted at the checkout lady in the shop yesterday, for absolutely no reason" Ruby says trying to sound calm but I know she is getting angry at me. I don't know what to say, Ruby does not know why I am on edge, she knows nothing of my past and I wouldn't even want her to know. I know I can be a bitch this time of year. So, I really try and keep myself to myself.

"I was just having an off day, work is stressful at the moment" I lie "I am sorry, I don't mean to take it out on you, or random checkout girls" I grin trying to lighten the mood

"That's okay Emma, but you know I am here if you want to talk about anything, besides, that checkout girl was hot, she was checking you out just before you shouted at her, you should have seen her face when you walked away, she looked like she was slapped in the face with a wet fish" she said laughing at the memory

"RUBY, I am getting married to Lily in 6-months. you cannot tell me how hot someone is and say they were checking me out. Now I want to go back and apologize and see if she really was hot" I am comfortable saying this to Ruby as she knows what I am like. I have never cheated on anyone and I hopefully never will. However, I can be the biggest flirt as I thrive off the attention. I never used to be like this when I was younger. Lily knows what I am like also. She has never questioned it, she trusts me 100% as I trust her.

I have been with Lily for over 4 years now. I meet her within a 1 year of moving to London. I was known as the new girl and was also known as 'fresh meat' so to speak. I had a lot of fun in that first year being in London.

I met Ruby the day I moved to London. I got off the train, went straight to the bar and started chatting up the barmaid, she was tanned skin and around 5.5ft had long black hair, little bit too thin for my liking but at the time I was frustrated and it really didn't matter what her weight was. Turned out the barmaid was the owner, she needed a new member of staff. I needed a job. So, fate brought us together and we have been best friends since. We never did get together, not even kissed. As soon as she gave me the job the flirting stopped. I can be sensible when I want to be. Ruby introduced me to Lily one night. I was looking for a for a new hairdresser. Ruby went on and on about how good she was. When she walked into the bar my jaw practically dropped to the floor.

Goddess!

"Pick that jaw off the floor Emma" Ruby said whilst passing behind me in the bar. I couldn't believe how god dam sexy she was. She walked in with such confidence that she had me weak at the knees.

"Hi, can I have a Jack and coke please" oh my god her voice. I was drawn in from that moment on. Got her into my bed that night and the rest they say is history.

"Earth to Emma" Ruby grabs me out of my thoughts, waving her hand in front of my face with a look of concern. "where did you just go"

"Sorry was just thinking about when I first moved here and meet you and Lily" little did Sarah know they were the first good Memories I had after 5 years and I will always cherish them

"that was some crazy times when you moved here Emma, I am pleased you're not that wild player party girl you once were, Lily certainly tamed the beast" Ruby says laughing

"hey, don't hate the player hate the game, besides you loved me like that" I said standing back up whilst we are both laughing "I am off back to bed, you coming?

"Only if I can be big spoon and I need to be up in an hour to open the bar"

"OK, big spoon it is, I need to be up also as I am taking Lily out to taste some wedding cakes" I say getting into bed and letting Sarah under the covers also, she snuggled into my back and puts her head between my shoulders"

"I bet it's not the only thing you will let Lily taste" she says laughing uncontrollably.

"Ruby, you dirty cow, and to think I was going to pay for your ticket to the convention"

"HAHA, no you weren't, you are too tight with your money. Goodnight"

"Whatever, shh"


	2. Chapter2

_"I can't believe you fucking did that" I am screaming at her, I am so fucking mad._

_"look we are both very drunk let's just go home" she said trying to calm the situation down_

_"I don't want to back to your house, I am so angry at you, its fucking embarrassing, why would you dance like that with my ex of all people. You are just the same as every fucker else" at this point I had tears in my eyes. She stepped towards me with tears in hers "why did you do it, did you kiss her"_

_"no, I did not kiss her, I thought you were ignoring me, I am sorry"_

_"SORRY, what's the point in this. I am just going to go home" I tried walking away, but she grabbed my arm stopping me, out of reflex I pushed her off and she fell backwards to the ground._

_"Emma, I love you" she shouted out. She hadn't said that before, I froze._

"Emma, Emma WAKE UP" I heard Lily as she was grabbing my shoulders.

I shot up so fast that she fell off the bed. "Lily I am so sorry" trying to get her back up while trying to steady my breathing. I hate dreaming about her, it brings everything back. Not to mention I know for a fact I am now going to be hell to be around today.

"Emma it's OK, you were just having a bad dream" She tried to hold me, but I got up to go to the bathroom to splash some water in my face. "Emma, what's wrong?

"Nothing Lily, like you said it was just a bad dream, go back to bed" She looked at me with something in her eyes, but I was unsure what she was thinking. "what?"

"Who is Bella? I froze at hearing that name "who is Bella Emma?

"n-no one why" my mind was numb my hands started shaking. "go back to sleep Lily" I tried walking away

"NO, WHY WERE YOU SHOUTING OUT FOR SOMEONE CALLED BELLA IN YOUR SLEEP" I didn't know what to say, I turned to face her slowly. "Look Emma, it is not the first time"

"Lily, I don't know a Bella, it was just a dream, please just leave it and go back to bed" I said trying to convince her

"fine if you are not going to be honest with me then I am going to sleep in the spare room, I know you know someone called Bella, you have shouted her name out in your sleep a few times now. If you are cheating or don't want to be with me then just fucking say it" she stand up taking a pillow and storms out. I quickly grab her wrist to stop her.

"Lily I am sorry OK, but whatever you think is going on its not true, I would never cheat on you and you know it" I stand there staring into her glossy eyes and pull her into a hug.

"Tell me Emma, who is Bella to you" I know I should be honest, but I just couldn't speak about it, she deserves the truth. But I just stand there and felt at a complete loss. She looks into my eyes and holds my face. "Emma, if you say you aren't cheating then OK, I believe you. You have always been a mystery to me, it is one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I just can't help the feeling that you have all my heart, yet I can't shake the feeling that I do not have all of yours. I love you so much Emma, but you must be honest with me. Who is Bella?"

I stare at her with her words sinking into my soul. She is right no one will ever have all my heart. I do not want to lose Lily, but I also cannot speak of my past, I can't explain who Bella is, it's too painful. I do not want to lie so I stay silent, I put my head down and look to the floor. She sighs, lifts my head slowly and kisses my lips so softly. "I am sorry Emma, but I need space"

"What? You can't just leave me Lily" I say more angry than what I intended

"Emma, this is too much and with the wedding coming up I am unsure if this is really what we both want, you have been in a different place these past few weeks. Mind and body, you are being distance and not letting me in anymore" at this point I was getting mad, I know I shouldn't be mad, she hasn't done anything but love me

"Lily just go, I can't deal with you right now" I am screaming at myself on the inside because I know I am being unfair, I am being nothing but a bitch so maybe I don't deserve her. I have always felt like I don't deserve her and at this point in our relationship I feel this more now than ever.

"you can't deal with this? I cannot deal with your constant mood swings" she was pacing around the room at this point, she grabs a suitcase from under the bed and start throwing her clothes in "four years Emma, FOUR YEARS and you can't even be fucking honest with me anymore, FOR ALL I CARE YOU CAN GO AND FUCK THIS BELLA GIRL BECAUSE I AM DONE"

I don't know what happened at this point, I went completely numb. I could not feel love, happiness or even anger. I was completely emotionless, I went back to a place I never wanted to return in my mind. I stood up and walked out of the room.

I heard Lily shouting after me "we are done" I grabbed my gym bag and walked out the house. it was 4am but I knew the only place I wanted to go was the gym, luckily, we lived close to a 24-hour gym. It was the only place that I could clear my head.

I got to the gym, put my earphones in and went straight to the weights


	3. Chapter3

I am currently lying on the Gym floor after working out for a solid 2 hours. I slowly get up and walk towards the changing rooms and open my locker. It is 7:30am and I already have a message from Ruby

'come on girl, come to the bar tonight, we need to arrange our trip to the convention for this weekend. I haven't seen you for weeks. Stop hibernating I am starting to worry – Ruby'

It has been 3 weeks since I last spoke to Lily and I have been avoiding everyone. I have got myself in a routine like a well-oiled machine.

-Get up at 5am

-Get to the gym for 5:30am and work out for 2 hours

-Get to work for 8:15am

-Lunch at 12 and back to work for 1pm

-Finish work at 5pm and back to the gym for 5:30pm

-Home for 8:30 food, then out to a random bar for drinks - rest of the nights have been a blur.

This has been my life for 3 weeks now. I have closed myself off from the world. No matter how hard I work out I cannot get the anger away from my mind. The events with Lily have brought it all back up again. I have now lost two people I care about more than anything and both times it was my fault. I know I cannot go back to Lily, she deserves someone that can give her everything. I cannot give her all of me. I should never have gone this far with her in the first place.

Who was I kidding, I was nothing, I deserved this heartbreak, I deserved to be alone.

-do not ignore me Emma, I know you are hurting but come on let your best friend cheer you up-Ruby'

-Fine, but do not expect me to speak about what happened with Lily, I already know you have possibly spoken to her. So can we just not talk and get drunk instead and maybe have a flirt with some ladies? -Emma

-please tell me the reckless, one-night stand Emma isn't back in town. This won't solve your problems-Ruby

-whatever, I will meet you at the bar at 8:30-Emma

I put my phone back in the locker and headed toward to the showers. I was just about to step into the shower when I spotted a blonde hair, tanned girl. She gave me a wink and a smirk walking into the cubical next to me, I am sure I have seen her here a few times.

What the hell it can't hurt right?

I backed up and walked towards her cubical, I entered and stood behind her, so she has her back to me. She had a fucking perfect body. She jumped slightly and turned around.

"what do you think you are doing" she said while looking up and down my body and back to my lips. I am not vain, but I know I am ok to look at, my hair was wet from the shower and I must of looked like a predator after its pray.

"don't play dumb lady, I seen the way you looked at me and winked when you came in here" I put my hands in her hips and brought her body towards me, she gasped and held my wrists. "you shouldn't start something you can't finish" I spoke with a grin

"what makes you think I won't finish it, I just wasn't expecting someone to be so forward an...

I took her lips to mine and pulled her body even closer so our hips we pressed together, I put my hand on her ass and squeezed, she gasped at the sensation giving me the opportunity to invade her mouth with my tongue, she slowly brought her hands up my arms and around my neck, she gasped again when I pushed her against the wall and started to kiss her neck. I then put my right hand between her legs teasing around her inner thighs whilst my left arm wrapped around her waist.

She was moaning in my ear, I hadn't been this turned on in a long time. This is what I needed I needed to be in control of someone. I lifted her left leg up around my waist and pushed two fingers inside of her. She gasped and threw her head back. I was pounding her fast and hard. I felt her coming close to an orgasm so pulled out. She was shocked and looked taken back but I knelt and put my head between her legs, I then put my fingers back inside and continued to pound her hard.

I am sure I heard someone come into the shower rooms. I didn't care I was having too much fun at this point and I am sure this lady was also.

She started to shake, and I could tell she was having trouble standing so with my free hand I held her waist and continued. She suddenly came all over my hand. I withdrew my hand slowly and stood up in front of her. She went to kiss but I went to walk away with a smirk on my face. She held my arm.

"are you not going to at least tell me your name" she said still panting.

"you can call me whatever you want" with that I walked into the other cubical and finished my shower, smiling to myself as I knew I had possibly given her the best orgasm of her life.

It is safe to say that I was late to work that day.


	4. Chapter4

"hey Emma, you are late" Ruby says while passing me a drink over the bar.

"yeah, sorry" I take the drink and down it in one "busy day"

"woooah, slow down lady, we need to arrange this weekend" Ruby gets her iPad out to start looking for hotels, Ruby is so bloody organised, I am surprised she hasn't already organised it all.

"So I have booked this hotel, its five star and its a 5 minute walk from the convention, sorry I couldn't get the hotel at the convention, that was fully booked, we pick the car up from the car hire on Friday morning so we leave around 10am and get on the road, we should be there for about 3pm depending on traffic of course, I am going to the store on Thursday night to pick up some snacks and booze for the weekend" Ruby finishes with a smirk on her face as if she has won a dam marathon. I laugh to myself that she has already organised the trip.

"So, why did you want me to come here if its already organised? I could be at the gym picking up girls again" pointing to the larger pump signalling for another drink.

"what do you mean, again, please tell me you haven't Emma, you can't do that to Lily" Ruby says in a sympathetic tone.

"please don't talk about Lily, Ruby, she is the one that left. So, I am free to do whatever I want OK. Besides I don't regret that blonde in the showers this morning" I say with an evil smirk on my face

"you my friend, are terrible. OK I am sorry I won't mention Lily again. I just wanted to spend some time with my bestie, I missed you. Now tell me all about this blonde this morning" Ruby is laughing at this point, she knows she can't change my mood, she never tries to ask to much about my actions cause she knows I am a closed book.

We carry on drinking and laughing together as the night goes on, we are getting more and more drunk.

"what about her over there" I point to a petite brunette.

"Emma, you shagged her before, remember that time you woke up in the bathtub cause she was too cuddly and she refused to leave the flat so you hid in the bathroom, I had to break the dam door down in the morning cause I thought something had happened to you" at this point Ruby has tears rolling down her face "remember my sister coming in the morning and having to pretend she was your girlfriend just to get rid of her, Oh my god her face was a picture"

"Oh, I had the hots for your sister also" Ruby punches my arm but laughs anyway.

We were laughing so hard that I didn't realise someone walking up beside me. "oh my god Ruby, that was hilarious, she was a shit shag now that I remember, she had nothing on that blonde this morning" my stomach hurt for laughing so much. I looked at Ruby, but she wasn't laughing, she looked like she seen a ghost, for some reason I was the only one laughing

Someone cleared their throat "I see you have moved on already"

I swear my heart fell out of my ass at the familiar voice. Ruby looked at me and I looked back at her wide eyed. I didn't want to turn around. I felt awful the sudden guilt was immense, I slowly closed my eyes and turned around on the stool, only to be met with a furious Lily. I suddenly felt a sharp pain on my left cheek.

She fucking slapped me, all guilt vanished "what the hell Lily" I shouted at her and stood up so fast she backed away in fear. Ruby had to come and hold me back. "I would never hit you Lily so don't stand there looking like I am going to beat your ass, what the hell did you slap me for? You broke up with me, you left me, so as far as I am aware you had no right to do that cause you think 'I have moved on'

"I...I... I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me" she came closer to hold my face and I backed off.

"No Lily, Fuck off and leave me alone" tears started streaming down her face and she ran out of the bar

"Nice one Emma" Ruby says angry "she had no right to hit you but she did just hear you talk about fucking some blonde this morning, she is hurting Emma, it has only been a few weeks"

"Whatever Ruby, I am out of here, I will see you Friday morning" I stood up grabbing my coat and bag. I quickly turned back around and hugged Ruby. She sighed and hugged me back.

"yeah, see you Friday. and Emma, let's forget everything and have a blast this weekend yeah?"

"you know it" I winked at her and walked away


	5. Chapter5

The trip to the convention was horrific. Ruby was trying to pass the time with stupid games, and it was just irritating the life out of me.

"Ruby man, please I do not want to play fucking eye fucking spy anymore" I felt myself trying to go faster up the motorway to get there quicker. It also did not help that she was drunk. Lucky me lost to rock paper scissors, making me the designated driver, URGH.

It was a good job that we were heading to the convention, otherwise I would have turned around already. I was so excited to finally meet my idols. I loved this show more than anything. I would watch the re-runs all the time and never get bored. I had the biggest crush on the lead character. She felt so familiar to me and I couldn't wait to meet her. I already purchased the meet and greet, photos, as well as attending all the panels. I felt like I had a teenage crush on her and felt so giddy thinking of meeting her. I have never had a crush on anyone famous before, not even when I was a teenager. I felt pathetic considering I felt much older than most of the fans, but I didn't care all that much.

"urgh you're such a draaaaaag" Ruby started slurring and slumping more in her seat

Rolling my eyes at her absolute failure to hold her own drink "Jesus Ruby, man up on the drink girl"

"oh, I love it when your accent comes out, it sooooooo sexy"

Oh fucking hell no. "Ruby, shut the fuck up, we are nearly there, you need to act a bit more sober because you won't be allowed in the hotel in your current state"

"oooohhhh ok Mrs huffy pants" oh my god you can tell when Ruby is drunk she tries to act all angry but just ends up sounding like a small child, she fails miserably every time.

If I wasn't in the mood that I have been in the past month or so I would have found, her funny. But every small thing is still getting to me. I am suffering from anxiety again and it is slowly eating me up inside.

We arrive to the hotel and successfully got in the room, via some funny looks from the staff. Ruby collapsed in a heap on the bed. She tried to pull me down on top of her but I managed to get out of her grip. She then closed her eyes and I knew she was out for the count until the evening. When Ruby gets in this state, she has a habit of trying to get close to the person that is with her regardless of who it is. I have managed to avoid such events before. She can turn into the biggest sex demon. I know this to be true as I shared a flat with her for 3 years. I'm not going to lie, it's not that I haven't thought about it, I mean she is very good looking and is really sexy when she wants to be, but I couldn't ruin our friendship. She is the only person I consider close especially now that I've lost Lily.

I leave the room and head to the bar for some food. I sit myself in the corner and watch the people go by. God there were so many teenagers around. I felt so old! I suppose that's what these conventions are like. I wonder if my favourite actress will be staying in the hotel the convention is at. I am in a world of my own when a lady comes up to me and asks if it's ok, she sits with me.

"Sure no problem" I get my phone out and start checking work emails as I've taken the day out of the office. I sigh at an email that I didn't want to see, god they can't do anything when I'm not there. Think I need to restructure the team a little when I am back.

"I hope you don't mind me sitting here, it's just that there are so many kids around I had nowhere to sit. Plus, I am waiting for my daughter to come along and this area looks a bit more private" she has a lovely voice, I'm sure she is from New York, I can tell the slight twang in her accent.

"Honestly, it's OK, I understand, I am just pleased I managed to get this seat to be honest. Feel free to stay as long as you want. My friend is currently passed out upstairs so it's nice having someone to sit with" I said honestly

"Is your friend ok, it's only 5pm" I laugh and explain that she has had a little too much to drink.

"Oh we have all been there" she is so sweet, there is something familiar about her, she makes me feel all warm inside. Christ I must be feeling buzzed. Think I might get a water

"My name is Cora, Cora M..." she is interrupted by her phone ringing "oh sorry that's my daughter excuse me for a moment, hello darling, yes I am in the hotel restaurant. No darling I am just sat with a lovely lady you should come along" I smile at her calling me lovely, if only she knew half the stuff I get up too "oh come on there is hardly anyone here, I am sat in the corner, when you come in turn left, OK see you shortly" she hangs up "that was my daughter she will be here in a few minutes, can I get you a drink?"

"That's ok I will get my own" I walk to the bar and order another pint. I go to sit back down, and it looks like her daughter has turned up. Wow she has a nice ass and back. I have a thing for backs.

"Oh, here she is honey, I'm sorry I didn't get your name" she points over to me as I sit down, and her daughter turns around. I am currently putting my pint down "oh sorry my name is Emma, it's nice to meet..." my eyes nearly pop out of my head. I can't get my words together. A mixture of overwhelming feelings are going through my body and I feel an unfamiliar tug on my heart.

"Emma? She questions looking shocked. "Hi I'm Regina, Regina Mills." She looks just as shocked as I am, but the questions is why?

Oh fucking crap my famous crush is stood only a few feet in front of me


	6. Chapter6

As I sit there, the cat has truly got my tongue. I have no idea how to act or what to say. I can't stop staring at her. She looks so dam familiar, oh come on Emma she is on a TV show that's why she is familiar. I need to stop drinking.

"So, Emma, what brings you to this town?" Cora says as if there is not this uncomfortable atmosphere.

I suddenly blink realising I have been starring at her like a crazed person "Oh, actually I am here for a convention over at another hotel...emm one of my friends dragged me here" I have no idea why I lied, but I felt so stupid and uncomfortable suddenly "she loves Dark Times and is excited to meet the cast"

"Do you know my daughter here Regina is the main character on the show" I chocked on my drink. Regina quickly rubs my back and asked if I'm OK.

I freeze as her touch sends lightning bolts through my body, trying to steady my breathing I looked into her eyes

"Are you OK Emma" my name on her tongue, fucking hell

"Y..yes sorry I'm fine thank you" I couldn't take my eyes off her. What was this feeling? Why do I feel like I know her? What the hell is going on in my head.

I suddenly stand up and excuse myself to go to the bathroom. Regina stands up as if she was being polite. I quickly rush to the bathroom locking myself in a cubicle.

'What the hell Emma, why are you feeling like this, what is going on' I keep telling myself to ignore these feelings.

But I can't ignore them, I suddenly can't control my emotions and I burst into tears, images flash before my eyes and I start shaking. It's too much. The last thing I remember was Bella's face and everything went blank

_"You love me? How do you know you love me, why are you waiting till now to tell me Bella"_

_She stands up from the ground and comes back towards me, she puts her arms around my waist._

_"I love you Emma, I always have. I am sorry I never told you sooner and I'm sorry I danced with your ex. I shouldn't have done that. You mean everything to me Emma, please don't go home. Please come to mine"_

_I was so upset and mad I just didn't want to fight anymore. At this moment all I wanted to do was go home and be in her arms. We haven't had the most stable relationship but that's what made it exciting to be with her._

_"Ok Bella, let's go home together, let me call Catherine and let her know we are ok" I turned around and got my phone out of my pocket. I was still so drunk I could hardly see my phone, but I began to hear the rings..._

"Emma, Emma are you ok? I heard this angelic voice in my mind. I couldn't open my eyes but again all I felt was the pain. The pain of remembering that night. The tears streamed down my face. I was lying on a bed. How did I get here? I couldn't open my eyes the headache was unbearable.

I felt someone wipe away my tears and kiss my forehead. "It's ok Emma, I will always be here for you" that voice why is it so familiar? My thoughts overtook my mind again and I drifted off into a deep sleep.

I opened my eyes and looked around the room. I was alone. What the hell happened? Am I in my room? I stood up and automatically felt dizzy. I held onto the side table. I haven't had a black out in years, at least 6 years! What triggered it? My mind was in overdrive. I looked around the room and instantly realised I wasn't in my room. I noticed the suitcases on the floor that must of cost more than a month's rent in London and let's just say that's not cheap.

The door opened and in walked the goddess that was Regina. My heart stopped for like a minute I swear. She walked straight up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. Ok what the fuck is happening? She pulled back and moved a strand of hair from my eyes. If I wasn't so shocked, I would have taken her there and then of the table.

"Are you feeling any better Emma!" She said softly

"Y...yes thank you. But I need to know what happened, why am I here and why are you acting like you know me?"

"Emma, I know you, I've known you for a long time, do you really not know who I am" she had tears in her eyes as if she was complete heartbroken

"I know of you Regina, I'm sorry but I really don't know what you are talking about" I'm looking into her eyes, it's so familiar "but you feel so familiar to me, I can't shake the feeling like I do know you"

"That's all I need to know" she grabs my face and places her lips on mine, I immediately moan into her mouth. Again, the familiarity is surreal! She kissed me softly at first then more rushed as if she is trying to have all of me. This is the best kiss I think I've ever had. I am suddenly pushed back into the bed and she climbs over me, so she is straddling me. She continues to kiss me with so much passion I could black out again.

We are interrupted by someone knocking on the door. Regina sighs and gets up to see who was at the door. Before she answered the door, I looked down and see that my vest was ridden up over my bra. I quickly shove it down and stand up. Cora walks in and asked if I am well.

"I am ok thank you, I think it's just been a mixture of tiredness and a little bit too much to drink" I suddenly felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave as soon as I could "thank you for looking after me Regina, Cora, I should get going" I hurry to the door and open it. But Regina rushes towards me.

"Don't leave Emma, I've only just got you back"

I am so shocked I do the only thing I am used to doing and walk away, out the room without looking back and try to find my way back to my room.


	7. Chapter7

I run back into our room to find Ruby still in bed asleep. She stirs awake when I shut the door.

"Emma what time is it, I'm a little unsure how I got here" she sits up rubbing her eyes.

I am still a little shaken up from the events of the day, I just stood there in a daze.

"Emma are you OK?" She stands up and comes towards me.

"Ruby, I...I...I don't know what's wrong with me" I burst into tears and she quickly wraps her arms around me. She doesn't say anything and just lets me cry into her shoulder. I end up lying on the bed in her arms.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She stroked my hair while I am lying on her chest.

I take a deep breath, I go to speak but she cuts me off "Emma I know something is up. I can read you like I book. I know you have a past and that you moved to London to get away from it all" I quickly shot up looking at her with fear in my eyes "woah it's ok Emma, I'm your best friend, I wouldn't be a best friend if I didn't know something was wrong. I have never asked you about it because we all have a past, but please Emma if you want to open up and talk to me, I am here for you, always, I love you Emma"

My eyes filled with tears again and she pulled me back down and held me tight, I lay down for about another 30 minutes.

"Anyway...enough of the teary-eyed lady. Let's go to the bar downstairs and get drunk. We have a big weekend and you finally get to meet your crush" she laughed

"I have something to tell you Ruby, I don't even know what to think of this myself" I had to tell her about Regina and everything she has said.

"Come on wipe your tears and let go and put the worlds to right over a few pints"

"Ruby, thanks for not pushing me to talk about my past" she smiles and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Come on girl, let's go"

\--

"Oh my god, what the hell Emma? Do you think she has mistaken you for someone else, can you honestly not remember her?" Ruby is sat there with her head in her hands trying to process this information. "God your life is unbelievable, first you break up with your fiancé, fuck a hot blonde in the showers at the gym then make out with your celebrity crush. Woooah I need stronger drink"

"Firstly, I would have known if I knew her after watching her on the dam show, secondly how could she have mistaken me for someone else, given she got my name right, honestly Ruby I am just as baffled as you are" I sat there and ordered two whiskeys. This conversation certainly called for a strong drink.

"Hang on, hang on, you blacked out? Are you ok? I mean you must be right because your here, but Jesus Emma" she burped at this point and was pointing her finger at me "you need to go see someone about that"

I was getting very drunk at this point "ah Ruby I have seen someone about it, I haven't blacked out in like 6 years, I mean I used to black out all the time. My mom took me to shrink in the end, think about your feeling Emma, talk about your past Emma, let it go Emma, blah blah blah"

By the look on Ruby's face I may have said too much. But she just started laughing "your impression of your mom is hilarious" she comes closer to me and puts her hand on my thigh "Emma I fucking love you, fuck the shrinks you got me and I got you alright?"

At this point I didn't care about anything, I forgot about the day. Ruby can do that to me, she always makes me feel a little better when it's needed.

I lift my drink the air "fuck the shrinks" she spits her drink out, it also shoots out her nose, and goes all over the bar. I can't contain my laughter at this point. It must have stung cause she had tears in her eyes. She just laughs, I love her laugh. She stands up and excuses herself to clean up.

Once she comes back, she struts through the bar. Attempting and failing to walk in a straight line. She falls over a stool and falls flat on her face. I went over to help her up and she stand and pulls me close to her. "Are you alright girl" I say to her making her smile. I looked over to the barman and I could tell he was about to tell us to leave. "Don't worry mister I'm beating you too it, I'm off to take her to bed" he smirks at me, but I roll my eyes. Perve, I think to myself

"Take me to bed eh Emma? Can we spoon" she looks at me and winks

I throw my head back and laugh "of course, let's get you up to the room" as we leave the elevator, we had our arms around each other waist holding each other up. We giggle walking along the corridor. When we come to the door, we struggle to find the keys. She suddenly stops and grabs my face and pushes her lips to mine. I struggle to pull away, but she holds me close. I begin to relax into the kiss and start kissing her back. When it starts to become passionate, I manage to pull away panting and look at her. She looks soba as if she knew exactly what she was doing but I knew she was drunk. "We can't do this Ruby, I don't want to ruin our friendship"

"Fuck Emma, it's just sex! Come on we know we have both wanted to do it since we first met"

I couldn't argue with that, so I push her into the room and slam her against the door and pull her into another kiss "promise me, promise me this won't ruin our friendship, you are the only person I have"

She stops and looks at me Almost lovingly "I promise Emma, you will always have me, I'm just really fucking horny and think we both need some lurvin' she wiggles her eyebrows and laughs, I laugh with her then we begin kissing, removing our clothes as the kiss continues.


	8. Chapter8

"oh my god my head" I slowly opened my eyes to the worst headache I think I have ever had.

"shhhhhhhh" I voice came from beside me and I realised Ruby was wrapped around my stomach, naked?

"SHIT, we had sex, RUBY, we had fucking sex" images started coming back to me, throwing her against a wall, striping each other cloths off, her between my legs then I between her. Oh my god I think I am going to be sick. I sat up quickly practically pushing her off me.

"calm down Emma, it was only sex and you weren't complaining last night when you were screaming my name" she sat up smirking at me.

"shut up Ruby" I said standing up walking into the bathroom. I took a long hot shower trying to wash last night off me.

I walked back into the room and Ruby came up to me and pulled me into a hug "come on Emma, don't be freaked out, we were both drunk and you have to admit it was pretty hot. We both needed some form of release and I don't regret it. Like I promised last night, I won't let it affect our friendship" she kissed my cheek and I smiled back at her

"you're right, I am sorry. I guess I just have a lot on my mind...I don't regret it either, you were pretty good" I said winking, turning around to put some clothes on.

"pretty good? Emma I was mind blowing just admit it, it was the best you have ever had" we both started laughing. "I mean it was the best I have had in a long time"

"well my job here is done Ruby, come on let's order room service.

"so...are we going to the convention" She asked while looking at the food menu.

"shit I forgot about that, I don't know, you think we should?"

"hell yeah, I didn't pay all this money to sit in the hotel room"

"OK, let's go, I probably won't get the chance to speak with her again but at least we can see the rest of the cast" She smiled and ordered our breakfast.

We both left to go to go to convention. I was nervous to go especially after what happened yesterday. I was constantly looking around the hotel thinking I was going to see her or bump into her. I secretly wished I could see her again. I had questions I needed answered.

We both turned up to the convention and were getting a lot of looks from people. We looked hot if I must say so. I was wearing black skinny jeans and a white T-shirt with my Doctor Martins. Ruby was the same but with a grey T-shirt on.

We stood in line to register and went inside. There were so many teenagers around, we begun to feel out of place. We both looked at each other and said "to the bar"

After an hour, we made our way to the main room for the panels. Ruby dragged me closest to the front as possible. I think she just wanted to see if Regina saw me and what her reaction was.

One by one different cast members came out to speak and answer questions. I was in a bit of a daze until I heard to announcer start introducing the next member.

"ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment you have all be waiting for, your favorite dark witch, that has the power to cast all kind of spells on you...Regina Mills" The crowd goes wild and even Ruby was squealing like a child. oh god and I rolled my eyes. I slowly leaned down in the chair

God, she is stunning my heart is beating so fast. How can someone wear something so casual but look like a fucking queen. She had black skinny jeans on with heals and a white blouse that hung perfectly around her breasts. her shoulder length hair was curled. Although she looked gorgeous, I looked at her eyes and they were slightly red and black underneath, as if she was crying or had lack of sleep. She begins speaking to the crowd and answering questions. I am lost in her voice. I could listen to her for the rest of my life, dam it Emma get a grip.

"If you could go back in time, when would you go back to and why?" some random girl asks her.

"good question" at this point she is looking around the room and her eyes land on mine, my breath catches in my throat and Ruby nudges me. I just continue to stare at her.

"the only thing I can say to that is, I would go back to a time I was my happiest, and I would of not let someone walk away from my life" she is still looking directly at me "I was stupid enough to let them go and when I tried to come back it was too late" her eyes were glossing over.

"awww" the crowd starts saying. She averted from my eyes and asked for the next question. My heart was pounding. Her voice does things to me I have never felt before. I can't help but stand up and walk out of the room.

I am freaking out so bad "bloody hell Emma, she was speaking directly to you, she obviously thinks she knows you" Ruby comes running after me

"Ruby, I don't know what to think, what would you do" at this point I am on the floor leaning against the wall

"Emma?" I look up to see Cora stood in front of me.

"Cora hi, this is Ruby my..." she cuts me off

"hello Ruby, But I am not here to make small talk, YOU" points at me "you are the reason Regina was heartbreak all those years ago, why the hell would you turn up here and drag her back down, she is heartbroken all over again and to play this game where you pretend you do not know her is just cruel, I can't believe I introduced you last night, if I knew it was you I would never have sat down in the first place" she is mad, so so mad.

"Cora I am sorry but really do not know who she is, she claims she knows me already, but I only know from a TV show"

"STOP IT, I do not wish to hear your excuses, I would advise you to leave and never see my daughter again"

With that she turns on her heal and walks away.

"Emma, what's going on?" Ruby says softly

"I don't know Ruby, but I am out of here"

I don't need this drama in my life. I stood up and walked out of the hotel.


	9. Chapter9

We went back to the hotel in silence. Ruby was looking at her phone while I was trying to process the last 24 hours. I came to this convention to finally see my favourite Actors and actresses and as time led up to this weekend I was excited to get away from London for a few days. Now all I wanted was to go back home and lock myself in the house and be alone.

How can this all happen in the space of 24 hours, I slept with my best mate and apparently a famous actress knows me and what loves me?

I do not like confrontation, I try and avoid it all costs and I normally just end up walking away. I walked away from my hometown and all my friends, I was walked away from Lily and now I am walking away from Regina and this stupid convention. I am just grateful that what happened last night between myself and Ruby hasn't ended in a way that would see me walking away from Ruby. I couldn't lose Ruby now, I don't think I could handle that.

We arrive back at the hotel and I head straight to the room. I begin to pack my bags wanting to get out of here asap.

"are you really going to leave" Ruby sat there with the same expression on her face from when we left the convention.

"you heard what she said Ruby, whoever they think I am, which I am not, Cora thinks I have hurt Regina in the past. It is so fucked up. I have a feeling no matter how many times I say I am not who they think I am to them, it would be like speaking to a brick wall, they won't believe me" I shouted

"Regina Mills kissed you Emma, she kissed you! It looks like she had or even has some deep feelings for you, don't you want to figure this out? I mentioned I wouldn't ask about your past but is there something you aren't telling me?" she is stood in front of me now

"What the hell Ruby, don't you believe me? You think I would just make this shit up and try and mess with someone's feelings like this" I stood back from her in anger I was afraid I was going to say something I would regret

"it all just seems a little too farfetched if I am being honest, why would she lie? You have been so secretive about your past I don't know what to believe, come one Emma just give me something" she took a step towards me again and I started to panic, the feeling of dread that someone was starting to try and climb over my walls I have took so long to build was scaring me.

"leave it Ruby, there is nothing to tell" I went to walk away but she grabbed my arm to stop me.

"do not lie to me Emma, I see right through it. Tell me, make me understand, I love you, you are my best friend I hate to see you like this. You go through this 'depression every year and its always around the same time, do not make me feel like I am being paranoid because I know I am not, I just want to help"

I burst in tears "I can't do this Ruby, I can't talk about it"

"why, why is this so difficult, you are such a strong person and never take any crap from anyone or anything. Why are you hurting Emma" she pulls me into her arms and holds me tight.

"please don't ask me again, please" I knew I sounded weak I knew it sounded like I was begging but I couldn't continue this. I knew I would run away if she continued to ask. I tried to get out of her hold but she held me tighter.

"shhhh, it's ok. I won't ask again. Shhh I'm sorry Emma" she rubbed my back trying to calm me down.

"I need some time alone, I am going to the gym downstairs, I will be back later on" I managed to get myself loose from her and grabbed my workout gear.

"are you sure you want to be alone?"

"yes, you know I need to clear my head and the gym is where I need to do that" I smiled weakly and walked out the room to the gym.

I don't know how long I was in the Gym, I was running on the treadmill and when I looked down I had already run 7 miles. I stopped and went towards to the boxing bags. I strapped my gloves on and began punching the bag, about 20minutes later I stopped and lent my forehead against the bag closing me eyes and catching my breath.

"I see nothing has changed, you still come here when you are stressed or need to clear your head" I opened my eyes and the goddess with piercing brown eyes was stood on the other side of the bag, she looked me up and down and her eyes landed on my abs and she raised one eye brow.

She stepped forward "carry on" she held the bag and nodded for me to carry on.

I stood there in hesitation for a few seconds and then carried on punching the bag. I didn't want to speak, I didn't know what to say. I kept glancing at her and she just continued to stare at me.

"I haven't slept since last night" I looked at her and continued punching the bag whilst she continues looking at me while she is bites her lip. Fuck me she looks hot – calm down Emma, I knew I was hitting the bag a little harder now

"I have been a mess since last night"

I carry on punching the bag a little faster

"I cancelled my photoshoot with the fans earlier"

I was sweating at this point, I carried on punching, I could see a little pain in her face. "why"

"why? Why am I here, why do you say you don't know me, I cancelled because I can't bare the thought of standing trying to smile and look happy when inside I'm crumbling" She started struggling holding the bag and her face was showing a little pain. For some reason I was just getting pissed off.

"I don't know you Regina, I only know you from a dam TV show"

"YOU DO KNOW ME" she pleaded to me

"fucking hell Regina, I do not, how is that even possible. You don't know me, you know nothing about me" I was so mad I knew I was shouting and it was possibly scaring her. I gave the bag one finally punch which sent her a few steps back holding her shoulder.

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, it pulled on my heart so badly I stepped towards her, I couldn't take my eyes off her. I don't know why but I lifted my hand to her face and brushed a tear off her cheek she lent her head towards my hand and put her hand over mine and closed her eyes.

"Regina" I said in almost a whisper

"Emma, I know you, I know all about you. You left me that night, you ran off. You were hurting so bad I couldn't find you" the tears were streaming down her face."if I don't know you then tell me how do I know about Bella?"

"W-WHAT?"


	10. Chapter10

_"Emma, I know you, I know all about you. You left me that night, you ran off. You were hurting so bad I couldn't find you" the tears were streaming down her face."if I don't know you then tell me how do I know about Bella?"_

_"W-WHAT?"_

"W-What?" I stood back nearly tripping over my own feet, the fact that her name just rolled off her tongue, but the way she said it was so soft and sympathetic. "that is impossible" I whispered

"no, it is not impossible, I know about her, I know what you went through with Bella. You trusted me and you opened up to me" I didn't know what to say. She went to hold my hand but I pulled away. I was in a daze and memories were flooding back.

"no no no no you can't know, I have never spoken about it, IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE" I was screaming at her, I fell to the floor and held my head in my hand. "no no no" I kept saying

"Emma, calm down, please calm down, I know how much this hurts but I needed you to realise that I know you, it was the only way to make you see, I'm sorry I mentioned her, I'm sorry" she sat in front of me and wrapped herself around my body. I stiffened up when she placed her right hand on the back of my head and her left hand started stroking my back. "I'm sorry Emma, please forgive me, shhhh, it's ok, take deep breaths Emma, come on breath with me" this, this is first time anyone has managed to control my panic attacks, I can't explain it but the sense of comfort I was feeling was scary and lovely at the same time

"I don't know how or why you don't remember me, I don't understand it. But I must find out, just please, please, don't walk away" there was so much honestly in her voice I just nodded my head and brought my arms around her back slowly.

Regina held me until I steadied my breathing. Someone cleared their throat, we both looked up to see Ruby stood there gobsmacked. "errrm hi, I was just coming to see if you are ok and ready to head back to London, but judging by the looks of it" pointing between us "I see you are OK" raising her right eyebrow, why did she have a smirk on her face?

I then realised the position we were in, I looked down and realised she was practically straddling me on the gym floor. "oh my god I am sorry" we both stood up and stepped away from each other.

"it's ok Emma...emm, are you leaving for London" I saw the sadness etched into her eyes.

"I..I think we are..." Ruby jumped in "we don't have to go back Emma, I have managed to sort that...thing...yeah that thing out you know emm the one at the bar" she quickly turned around and walked off, I presume back to the room.

I rolled my eyes at the complete lack of confidence in her voice, sounding highly unconvincing.

"So em what Ruby was trying to say is, no, no we are not heading back yet" She looked up to me and smiled.

"I think we have a lot to talk about, let's get a drink and go to my room" I looked at her with wide eyes "no like that Emma, I just want to talk"

"God no I wasn't thinking that, emm I don't want to bump into your mam" I scratched the back of my neck looking down to the floor

"oh" she started blushing "I assumed you were worried about myself attacking your lips again" oh dear lord god, now I can't get that image out of my head. "my mom has gone to the airport, she had a flight booked back to LA tonight" right the mention of her mom has got the image out of my head.

"OK, let me shower and get myself sorted and I will come to you. What room are you in? I kind of rushed out yesterday and took no notice"

"room 319. I will be waiting" with that she kissed my check at walked away.

I stood there by myself for a little longer, again trying to process what has happened. How does she know about Bella, what is she hiding, is she hiding anything? How did she manage to calm me down so well? There has to be a good excuse for this surely. I took a deep breath got myself together headed back up to my room to find Ruby sat on her iPad.

"hey Emma, are you ok?" she came up to me and hugged me "look I am really sorry about earlier, I don't want to push you, I guess this past month I have just seen you go a little downhill, I care about you. I am worried about my best friend" she spoke sincerely.

"I know Ruby, I owe you an explanation, I just can't explain it right now. Please understand?"

"ok I understand, but when we are back in London you and me and a bottle of whiskey are going to have some talks...CAPESH?"

I threw my head back in laughter at her attempt to be all seriously. "fine Ruby it's a date"

"a date huh?...anyway are we heading to London tonight or what or can I go and meet this lady I bumped into earlier with massive tits and a banging body?" I couldn't help but carry on laughing with her hand gestures around her boobs and waist.

"go out tonight Ruby, meet this babe of yours. I am off to Regina's room to talk"

"ohhh tell me everything, how has this happened?" I then sat her down and told her everything minus the Bella situation. Ruby thought it was a good idea to go meet Regina to talk, she was just as pleased as I was that Cora had left already. "wooah that bitch scarred the shit out of me" were her words exactly

After we both got ready, Ruby left to go on her date. She looked hot, I knew she would get some tonight as she told me she was wearing her lucky underwear. Which were her Supergirl ones...Don't ask.

I put on my short Nike shorts and threw on my black huddy, I didn't really care much for my appearance, I never really cared what people thought of me. Plus we weren't going out anywhere so I didn't feel the need to dress up.

I started feeling anxious again the closer I got to her room. Was I honestly wasn't ready to speak about Bella, or hear someone else speak about her. I so invested in my thoughts I didn't realise I had arrived at her door.

I knocked on her door and waiting for her to answer. I heard her behind the door mumbling to herself. She opened the door and stood with a dressing gown on. The strap to the gown must have got stuck to the handle, when she opened the door, the strap came loose and her gown flew open revealing THEE most sexist body I have ever seen. She was wearing black lacy understand with a matching bra, her skin was tanned and looked like it had just been moisturised. GOD-FUCKING-DESS I stood frozen with my eyes moving up her body to meet hers. I took her whole appearance in and unintentionally bit my bottom lip, I must have looked at her with lust in my eyes. Or at the very least a deer in headhights

I was turned on within an instant. I could have come on that very spot! In that moment, I did not care if I knew her or not, I did not care about my past. My emotions stopped being like a roller-coaster for the first time in 2 days. Every single thought and feeling exited my body and what was left was complete and utter lust like I have never felt before.

I stepped towards her, she slightly stepped back. I grabbed her waist and pulled her flush with my body. We were the same height and I could smell her minty breath against my face. Her eyes were dark and filled with lust moving from my eyes to my lips, I heard a very soft moan escaped her mouth. I couldn't control myself anymore.

"fuck it" I said, I lifted her up in a one motion and she wrapped her legs around my waist, kicking the door shut and bringing my lips to hers.


	11. Chapter11

Try and imagine, a million butterflies in your stomach. Feeling every nerve around your body intensified with every touch, with every kiss, with every breath on your skin. This is what I would call your body and soul being taken over by complete ecstasy. This is what I felt that night

\--

I turned around pushing her against the door I just shut, her arms were wrapped around my neck tightly as if she never wanted to let go, myself mirroring her and holding her tightly around her waist whilst her legs were still wrapped around my body. I run my hands up and down her sides and around to her backside. She moaned in my mouth which was the sweetest thing I've ever heard making me turned on even more. There was so much passion and emotion in this one kiss it was almost overwhelming.

As if she sensed my change in emotion or whatever is was, she pulled her head away from me and looked straight into my eyes, her eyes were filled with an emotion I was unfamiliar with.

"what? I'm sorry I shouldn't." I went to stand away from the door and loosened my grip but she cut me off

"no, don't you dare say sorry, do not put me down" she held onto me tighter

"Regina, why I am feeling all these emotions" I whispered while burying my head in her neck.

"shh, I don't want this moment to end...ever, let me love you, let me try and make you remember" she slid off my body but still had her arms around my neck. She lifted my head up, I could feel her breath on my skin she was so close not even an inch away, she put her forehead on mine "Emma, I don't know what's happening, but I know I don't' ever want to let you go, ever, I understand you can't remember Emma, but this, this moment now, does this not tell you anything"

"I have this feeling inside Regina, that I have never felt before but I cannot stop the feeling that it's also so familiar, I hate talking about my feeling but with you, right now. I am comfortable"

She moved slightly and brushed her lips with mine. "no more talking"

She held my hand and guided me to the bed. She stood in front of me and started to lift my huddy up over my head, when I was free she gasped and put her hand between my breasts. For a moment, I thought she was gasping looking at my chest "what is that" dam I forgot about that

"it's just a scar, I don't want to talk about that" I wasn't angry she brought that up I just didn't want to talk about it. It is normally hidden with my sports bras on, but I was wearing my white T-shirt bra

She nodded after a few moments and placed her hands on my hips. I was grateful she didn't push the subject.

We stood in silence for minute of two just taking in each other's bodies, it wasn't uncomfortable at all I was just looking at her as if she had cast a spell on me. She was absolutely gorgeous. She was still wearing her dressing gown so I took a deep breath and placed my hands on her shoulders slowing pushing her gown down her arms dropping in to the floor.

"you are so beautiful" I whispered whilst taking her in nearly naked body again. She reached towards my hips and traced one of my tattoos on my ribs, I shuddered at her touch. She noticed and gave me a small smile. She brought her arms around my back and unclasped my bra. Copying my movement from earlier, she held my straps from my shoulder and slowly brought them down my arms. Once my bra was on the floor I did the same to hers. I don't think her bra had touched the floor until we were both in each other's arms, she was kissing me again but this time I felt the love through her lips. I picked her up again gaining a small yelp from Regina, I placed her on the bed then hovered over her, it was a massive turn on to see her look so submissive under me. I placed myself between her legs and begun to kiss her again. She lifted her knees up on either side me, making me feel her core against mine. I couldn't help but slowly grind on her. She placed her hands on my ribs and moaned again into my mouth. Her moans were heaven to my ears. Our movement were slowly picking up pace. She was putting her hands all over my body and hitting every sweet stop I loved. How does she know my body?

Pushing my thoughts aside I kissed her jaw and down her neck slowly coming to her breasts. I took one in my mouth and this time I couldn't help but moan. I flicked her nipple with my tongue then taking it all in my mouth and sucking. When I was satisfied I moved to the other side. Her breathing was becoming heavier with each passing moment. She held onto my hair and pulled slightly. Oh my god I couldn't wait too much longer, I desperately needed to taste her.

I left her breasts and kissed down her stomach, I kissed her hips and across her band of her lacey underwear. I hooked my fingers into the band and slowly took them off. I came back up and kissed her lips. I couldn't get enough of her. She tasted amazing all over.

Suddenly she flipped me over and pulled my shorts down along with my underwear she then quickly straddled me holding my arms above my head. I was completely taken by surprise not only because of the swift movement but because has got me in a position I would only ever do rarely.

I was about to say something but she captured my lips with hers and started to slowly rock our cores together. Oh my god she was so wet. The feeling of our most sensitive part of our bodies touching and moving together is by far my most pleasurable feeling I have every experienced. She sat up straight still holding my hands, she was grinding faster now and was squeezing our hands together, she threw her head back, fuck that was sexy as hell. I couldn't control my breathing I was pushing my head back in the pillow while arching my back.

"fuck Emma, I am so close, ahh FUCK" she was moving faster and faster, I managed to get one hand free and hold her hip she lifted her free arm and put her hand through her hair, she was holding onto her hair while her face was buried in her arm.

"OH MY GOD Regina, shit...fuck I'm coming...FUCK GINA...don't stop!"...I could hardly get any words out.

"AHHHHH FUCK EMMA" she screamed my name, pushing me over the edge, I released the most intense orgasm of my life, tears were streaming down my face. We both came and she slowly came back down to my face and kissed me again wiping my tears away.

I held her so tight, I knew I didn't ever want this moment to end. We were both sweating, Regina's head was in my neck and I could tell her breathing started to get a little steadier. I had this overwhelming feeling to just pleasure her more and make her scream my name again.

I pushed her back and flipped her over, I went down between her legs, she didn't have time to protest as I quickly spread her legs and shoved two fingers inside of her making her gasp and moan loudly. I quickly found her G-Spot making her arch her back, I reached up with my other hand and caressed her breast. I brought my head between her legs and again without warming I flicked her clit with my tongue, oh dear lord she tasted like fucking heaven. She was moaning my name and cursing out loud, she held my hair in her hands pushing me towards her more then started rocking herself against my face and hand. I felt her walls clenching around my fingers which made me go faster, I held her hips to stop her from moving away from me.

"EMMA NO THIS IS TOO MUCH, ARRRGHH, FUCK DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP, OH MY GOD!" she started to shake and I knew she was coming, her walls practically trapping my fingers, she then came all down my hand, shouting my name, once she stopped shaking as much I pulled out and licked her clean. I then lifted myself up towards her chest and lay my head down. She wrapped her arms around me and stroked my head.

So many feeling were whirling around my head, I just had the best orgasm of my life. I was lying in the arms of my celebrity crush of whom I just gave two orgasms, which I also knew were possibly the best of her life. I felt a sudden urge to never let her go. I felt love towards this person of who I didn't even know. But I knew one thing for sure. I needed to know her.

"Regina" I whispered

"hmmm" she said sleepy

"don't let me go, please make me remember" she let out a sigh which I assumed was relief and she held me tighter.

"I promise, I promise with everything I have, I will try"

Nothing more was said, I was so comfortable lying in her arms. She lifted my head and started kissing me again.

Oh well here we go again...


	12. Chapter12

I woke up from one of the best night's sleep I've had in a long time, I realised I wasn't alone, I was half laying on top of someone, may I add not in a very attractive manner. My face was half pressed on a chest, I am sure I dribbled through the night, I was fully naked, star shaped, lying diagonal across the bed. Slowly bringing my head up I realised Regina was lying in the same position on her back completely naked also.

I blushed remembering the night before and before I even had a choice I felt myself get all hot and bothered again. She looked stunning and the fact that all her glory was spread for the world to see did not help my wondering mind, in this case my mind was my hand. I let my wondering hand to do what it wanted, I mean it had a mind of its own, who was I to stop it?

My fingers stroked down her perfectly carved stomach to her legs and ended up on her inner thigh where I drew random patterns on. I felt her stir slightly and a very faint moan escaped her lips. I carried on tracing my fingers along her thighs, I felt her fingers connect with my back which made me shudder. I slowly brought my fingers to her core and softy stroked her centre, the moment I touched her, her nails softly scratched my back. I lifted my head up to see her looking at me. I had a small smirk on my face and she quickly lifted my body into her arms, laying so that we were on our sides facing each other, my fingers never stopped slowly circling her. She brought her lips to mine, I was hesitant at first, let's face it you would be self-conscious about morning breath, but no she tasted so sweet.

She brought her free hand to my core and mirrored what I was doing. We both rocked in a slow, painful yet pleasurable pace while continuing kissing each other. This was different from what I was used to, I was used to fast, hard and sometimes rough sex. This is slow and so, so much more. The familiar feeling crept up slowly towards my core and I know I was close, by her breathing I knew she was also. Suddenly the most intense orgasm erupted from my soul, I momentarily lost all feeling minus the feeling of this orgasm. I slowly came down and realised she was staring at me with a look of accomplishment in her eyes.

I pushed her over so her back was in my front, we fitted together like a jigsaw piece, I put my left arm under her neck so her head lay on my arm, I then brought my other arm around her waist and back to her center, she quickly grabbed my left hand in hers and her right hand came up behind her to my hair. This was by far the sexiest way to wake up in the morning. I was kissing and biting her neck and shoulders. Her moans became louder and her breathing more unsteady, her whole body tensed up and she released her orgasm while holding what she could of me tightly.

After a moment "Good morning gorgeous" she said in a husky voice.

"Good morning, you have to be sexiest thing I have ever woken up with" I felt her body smile and she snuggled back into my arms.

We both lay there for about 20minutes in each other's arms before we got up and showered. It was weird in a way as we hadn't really spoken since I came to her room last night but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. The only uncomfortable feeling is that I knew I had to go back to London that night. I didn't know what her plans were, but I kind of wanted her to come back with me.

"Emma, are you ok?" snapping me out of my daze.

"sorry yeah, I was just thinking" I think she understood what I was thinking. She came up to me and crotched on the floor in front of me.

"I need to go back to the convention today, I wish I didn't but I can't let the fans down, I already rushed out yesterday and I have had multiple missed calls from my manager. Emma, I have a flight booked back to LA this evening" she looked down to the floor with regret in her eyes. I couldn't figure out if it was regret for what we did or regret for leaving. Either one wasn't good.

"Do you regret this" I think I sounded a little more shocked than I intended

"god no, never. I just wish I didn't have to go. But...I want you to come with me" I couldn't believe she just asked that.

"I can't Regina, I have a job, I have friends, I can't just leave, plus we haven't even spoke about anything. You haven't told me anything yet"

"can't this connection be enough, I promise I will tell you everything you have forgotten, I was going to tell you last night, but- well we didn't get around to that did we?" I could tell she was getting frustrated.

"tell me now, tell me what I can't fucking remember Regina. How do I know you, when did I know you, how the hell do you know Bella's name" I could feel myself getting angry, but not at her, at the situation.

"I know you lost Bella, you loved Bella, I know about the accident and that you blamed yourself I kn.."

"blame" I cut her off

"what" confusion all over her face

"blame, I blame myself" I hung my head down

"no, you don't, you got better, you were helped, I helped up. You stopped blaming yourself a hell of a long time ago Emma. I can't believe you have blamed yourself all this time" the last part she practically whispered.

"I have to go, I need to make sure Ruby is OK"

"don't you do this Emma; don't you walk away again" she held my hands. Tears threatened to leave my eyes but I pushed them back.

"I am sorry Regina, I need time. I am trying to believe you I really am, this is all just too much. I haven't spoken about Bella is so many years and all this talk of her these past few days is too much. I can't go back to that place. If you say you know all about it you know how dark it is for me, please give me time" I couldn't continue this conversation.

"OK I will give you time. But I am coming back and I will fight for you" with that she stood up. Grabbed a pen and paper, she wrote something down and handed it to me. When you ready Emma, please call me.

She pulled me up into her arms and kissed me. She rested her forehead on mine "good bye Emma, I will see you soon. Just do me one favor and think back to the summer of 2008, please do that for me" she hesitated but turned around and walked out of the room.

I stood there frozen, I couldn't move. I knew I should have chased after her, I knew I should have. 2008, but not just 2008 she said the summer of 2008. Oh my god no!

I needed to call him.


	13. Chapter13

I headed back to my room in a world of my own, my phone had died so I needed to charge it to make the call. I walked into the room and heard an ear-piercing scream, I shit my pants and screamed myself only to look up to see a girl fall face first onto the floor with her legs in the air over the bed, naked!

"Emma, hi" Ruby popped her head up quickly with the filthiest smile on her face.

"oh my god, Ruby, who is this, please tell me you don't have a bloody girlfriend, she just walked in on us in a very compromising position" judging by the massive tits and banging body (Rubys words) this must have been the girl she went out with. I wondered what position they had been in to make her fall off the bed and land on her face, I quickly got that thought out of my head

"no don't worry, I am her best friend for my sins, sorry for interrupting but I need to charge my phone" I walked over trying to avoid looking at the naked mess's on the bed.

"you alright Emma" I didn't turn around, I plugged my phone in and grabbed my bag and started packing. "wooh, what you doing, are we leaving now?"

"I need to be alone Ruby, you can take the car back whenever you want to go back, I am sure you aren't finished here"

"well what are you going to do?" she sounded concerned but I still couldn't look at her

"look Ruby, don't worry about me, have fun yeah!" I took the charger out the wall and threw it in my bag and walked to the door. Panic must have set in for Ruby and she rolled of the bed very ungracefully wrapped in a sheet and came running up to me "Christ Ruby you stink of pussy" covering my nose as she hugged me.

"call me if you need me Emma, and yes, yes I do, it was the last thing I ate" she pulled back and winked. I couldn't help but smirk and walked out.

God, no wonder we are best friends we have the filthiest mouths.

It was Sunday lunch time and I was wondering around the town trying to find a quiet place to sit and plug my phone in. I found a cute café overlooking a small lake. I ordered a coffee with water and sat near the window. I plugged my phone back in then turned my phone on. I received a few texts from Ruby from last night clearly drunk, telling me she is bringing her 'new wench' back and to be ready to be kept up all night. It was lucky I was in Regina's room otherwise I would have been mortified.

My mind drifted off to Regina, she was so sweet and caring not to mention utterly stunning. I cannot lie to myself last night and this morning was truly magical for me the sex was mindblowing, I loved every second and I felt such a strong connection with her I have never felt with anyone else, not even Lily. When I left this morning, although frozen in place, my heart pined after her it hurt. Argh what is she doing to me.

She mentioned 2008, I needed to call him to ask a few questions.

I picked up the phone, took a deep breath and dialled his number, my heart was racing when I heard the ring tone.

"Jones here" his strong confident accent came through the phone.

"Killian, its Emma, I need to talk to you" trying to sound equally confident back

"Emma, long time, what do you want, I have patients to see?" no emotion in his voice.

I sighed, "look I won't take up too much of your time, I need to talk about what happened in 2008"

The was a long pause until he spoke again "what about it"

"well, I am having some trouble remembering things and someone has come into my life claiming they know me, I just need to understand, you were my doctor at the time Killian, did I lose my memory in the accident?" I came straight out with it.

"of course not, don't be so ridicules, do you not think I would have told you something so important?" he answered a little bit too quickly, he seemed angry at this point, "look Emma, what happened was terrible we nearly lost you. I couldn't lose you. Funny though because you bloody ran off anyway in the end"

"Killian, you know I was gay I still am, always will be. I should never have got in a relationship with you after the accident, I obviously wasn't in the right mind, I felt suffocated that's why I left. I was living a dam lie"

"I looked after you, I got you back healthy when no one else did, she didn't" he snapped back

"She, who is she?" I asked confused

"n-no one, I meant your Mam" he stuttered, he always stuttered when he lied, as if trying to redeem what he said "I haven't got time for this Emma, now if there is nothing else?"

"one more thing" I heard him take a deep breath "the night of the accident, why cant I remember that one night?"

"You nearly died Emma, you hit your head pretty bad, it is only natural you can't remember it" he stated as a matter of factly

"OK so is it possible that I lost my memory prior to that" he didn't say anything "Killian, if you don't tell me I will find a doctor who will"

"fine, yes it is possible, but you were a mess for so long before it, you were out all the time, getting drunk taking drugs, you already admitted for nearly two years it was a blur so you can't ask if you lost your memory because you only caused that yourself"

He was right, before the accident I was in a really bad place, after what happened with Bella, I lost all control over what was real and what wasn't, I wanted to drown out my memories so I stupidly turned to drink and drugs.

I didn't even notice he had hung up. I felt like crying, whatever memory I lost it was my own fault and there was nothing I could do it bring it back.

I had grown up with Killian, he was a friend of the family and growing up he always said I would marry him. I knew I was gay from a young age but never put a label on it. After the accident he was there for me but I misjudged my feelings and started dating him. It was a big mistake. That's why I moved to London I needed away from the drugs, Killian and the memory of Bella.

I went on my phone and booked the first train back to London.


	14. Chapter14

I had been back in London a month and got myself back into a routine of work, gym and drinking. Ruby was worried about me, although she only seen me in the bar, she was coming over to my house every other day, sometimes I pretended I wasn't in and I didn't answer the door and just kept myself hidden away.

'Halloween is coming up my lovely lady, are you coming out to the bar to arrange our annual party-Ruby

Every year we hosted the most epic Halloween parties in her bar. It was soon becoming legendary to the point where we started selling tickets for the event as one year the police turned up for over crowding, we had a different theme every year, one year it was the film Bettlejuice, and another year it was The walking Dead. As much as I wasn't in the mood I couldn't let her down

'Yes I'll come over tonight, be there after the gym' - Emma

'Yes!! Ok see you later' - Ruby

I put my phone down and like any other spare moment I had I thought about Regina. I felt terrible for just leaving and not seeing her or speaking with her. Don't get me wrong I composed a million messages a day to her but never sent them. I didn't know what to say. The hardest thing was that I started to believe what she said, that she knew me, that she loved me. However the overwhelming guilt I felt knowing that it was my fault I lost my memory. I hurt her. I hate hurting anyone. I convinced myself she was better off without me.

I arrived at the bar to see Ruby talking to some chick, the closer I got I realised it was the girl from the hotel.

"EMMA" Ruby shouted, she didn't need to shout I was like a meter away from her.

"You remember Nicola?"

"Oh sorry I didn't recognise you with your clothes on, nice to know your name" she blushed and I just giggled "sorry, it's nice to see you again, so have you two kept in touch?

"We are in a relationship Emma, you would know this if you had been listening to me this past month" she scowled at me

I was a shit mate I knew it "sorry Ruby, I know I've been shit. Let me make it up to you, to you both, let me get you both a drink"

Ruby laughed, "ok Emma get a drink for us from my bar, that I own, that I have already paid for"

"Hey it's the thought that counts" laughing back at her.

The night was a good night, the three of us talked and laughed all night. I really needed this. We sorted out the theme to the party, cops and robbers, I know, lame, but we didn't really have much time to plan as it was only a week away. Nicola was really nice, from the outside you could easily mistake her for a bit of a bitch with her resting bitch face and all, which she admits she has one but didn't care, I liked her a lot and Ruby seemed smitten and happy. I started looking at the two of them and my heart pulled again thinking about Regina. As if Ruby knew what I was feeling she lent over to me "have you messaged her yet" I just shock my head "you should, you obviously miss her Emma, I know it's all strange, but what's the harm in trying?"

I don't respond to what she said, I know it was a rude not too but I felt it difficult speaking about her. I changed the subject back to the party, around an hour later I said my goodbyes and went home.

When I arrived home my curiosity took over and I decided to search on the internet for Regina, I haven't tried finding anything out about her since that weekend so I was totally unaware where she was or what she was doing. My heart sank when I seen the first photo, I quickly clicked on it.

'Regina Mills spotted at celebrity hang with her ex fiancé Mal Brown, does this mean they are back together, our sources say they have been trying to work things out - let's hope the wedding bells are chiming again soon'

Regina eyes looked dark and tired on the photo, she looked a little lost

The next photo sealed my suspicion. The both of them kissing and holding hands, the next photo was them laughing, the one after was Regina was sitting on this bitches knee. Why the fuck was I so mad at!

I grabbed my phone and before I knew it I had composed a message

'Regina, I'm sorry I didn't come to see you or even tell you I was leaving. Words can not describe what that night meant for me. I've tried for so long to block out my past, either through drink, drugs or running away. You asked me to think about the summer of 2008, it's all one big blur to me Regina, after Bella I went down hill and I wasn't the same person I was or ever will be again. I abused my own body and mind. I was in a accident in August 2008, I can't remember that night at all but everything before that night I can't seem to remember either, I have only just been made aware of the lack of memory from back then. I brought that on myself with all the drugs I had taken. Killian helped me and checked me into rehab after that. I found it surprisingly easy to come off the drugs and haven't touched them since.

Regina I am sorry I can't remember you, I am sorry I did this to myself and upset you so much in the process, I can only imagine what you have gone through. I believe you though, I believe that we knew each other, my feelings that night with you made me realise back then. But, you deserve someone to be able to love all of you and give you all of their heart.

I seen that you are happy and I hope I did not ruin your relationship with Brown.

I wish you all the best, I hope this is your number as I really want you to know, for what it is worth, the feeling I had with you was familiar and it felt like home - Love Emma'

I sat for a good 30minutes re-reading the message. I finally sighed and pressed send.

I realised that night that I've kept too much to myself, I needed to talk to someone I needed to get it all off my chest. My actions in the past by keeping this bottled up inside have resulted in heartbreak. Not only Regina's but Lily's, she never had a chance with me, the worst thing was, is that deep down, I knew that already. I kept her stringing along and l let myself believe that I was happy and I could live a normal life with someone. But I know I was settling. Lily was an amazing girl. I did love her. But we weren't ever meant to be.

'Can you meet me tomorrow after work, come to mine? - Emma

I put my phone back down. I fell asleep on the sofa that night completely emotionally drained.


	15. Chapter15

"Thanks for coming Ruby, do you want a drink!" Ruby walks through the front door, gives me a hug and goes to sits down.

"Yeah sure, can I have a beer?" I go and grab us both a beer a sit down with her.

"So let's get straight to it Emma, what's up? You never invite me around here anymore I was beginning to think I smelled or something"

"Apart from vagina, no you don't smell. I wanted to speak with you as I think it's about time I talked about something" just then there was a knock at the door.

I stood up to open the door, there stood Lily looking gorgeous as ever but with a distant look in he eyes

"Hi Lily" I said awkwardly

"Hey Emma, good to see you. I can't stay long I have a date" I felt like she needed me to know she had a date. I didn't mind of course. My mind was on something totally different.

She walked into the living room and said hi to Ruby, I felt bad, their friendship seemed to have strained a little since we broke up but at least they were still speaking.

"So guys, em I wanted to speak to you both, before I start I wanted you to both know that you both have been the most important people in my life for nearly 5 years"

"Ok you are scaring us, what is it Emma, GOD YOU'RE NOT DYING ARE YOU?"

Trust Ruby to be over dramatic!

"No Ruby I am not dying" I said irritated. I sighed "look what I'm about to talk to you about it really difficult for me and I really need you to listen, you both deserve to know, I feel like I haven't been fair on the two of you"

They both sat there in silence until Ruby stood up "I'll grab the wine"

\--

"Ok then, back in 2004 I just finished doing business at University"

"You went to uni?" Ruby piped up shocked

"Yes, that's not the point, anyway I finished uni and was ready to head out into the big scary world. When I graduated I was offered a graduate position at an IT consultancy. About 3 months into the job I needed an assistant as we just landed a huge account and needed more manpower. My girlfriend at the time Vicky wasn't the best pleased with what I was doing as I was always at work and she didn't understand that I needed to be there. Anyway we ended up hiring someone pretty quickly. She was great and we had an instant connection and worked well together, after a few more months myself and Vicky decided to break up. It wasn't that I didn't care about Vicky I just knew that we wouldn't work, our relationship was very strained especially with my work life and I was obviously way more committed to the job that I was to Vicky

Around the same time the company ended up completing our first major project on the new account so we all went out to celebrate. Needless to say myself and Bella ended up getting together that night"

"Bella?" Lily's eyes widened with shock. Ruby looked at her as if she was wondering why she asked that in such a tone.

"Please Lily let me finish" she nodded and lent back in her chair. "We were inseparable. I cared for her so much and I knew she did me. We did everything together, she even met my family and I hers which is something I rarely do. We never told each other we loved each other as we always thought it was exciting to look forward to things, although I believe we did love each other deeply I guess we just couldn't help but put it off. It was over a year being together at this point that we went out on a night out in town, it was very last minute, but all of our friends were out that night. When I say I haven't been that drunk in my life until that night I'm not lying, we were so drunk, we couldn't even stand straight. Holding onto each other to keep ourselves up, we must have looked a state. We went to the club, God knows how we managed to get in. I went over to the bar to get more drinks. When I turned around Bella was dancing with my ex Vicky, in my drunken state it looked like it was a little to close to my liking. I know it was the drink but the next thing I knew I was all up in Vicky's face and slapped her. I was thrown out the club and well, it all went downhill from there" I started breathing heavy, Ruby reached over and grabbed my hand

"You don't have to carry on if you don't want too" I just nodded

"No, I have too. After I was thrown out Bella came looking for me. We ended up in a taxi heading to her home. Every time we went to her house we always got out at a row of shops, and walked through the back alley as it was quicker to get to her home. In the taxi on the way back we ended up arguing"

**Flashback**

"I swear to god Bella, I am going home" I slammed the car door shut and ran over to the other side of a dual carriageway. Bella followed after me.

"Emma she danced with me not the other way round, what was I suppose to do just walk away?" she sounded worried and scared

"I can't believe you fucking did that" I am screaming at her, I am so fucking mad.

"look we are both very drunk lets just go home" she said trying to calm the situation down

"I don't want to back to your house, I am so angry at you, its fucking embarrassing, why would you dance like that with my ex of all people. You are just the same as every fucker else" at this point I had tears in my eyes. She stepped towards me with tears in hers "why did you do it, did you kiss her"

"no I did not kiss her, I thought you were ignoring me, I am sorry" she sounded innocent but I was just so mad I couldn't think straight.

"SORRY, whats the point in this. I am just going to go home" I tried walking away but she grabbed my arm stopping me, out of reflex I pushed her off and she fell backwards to the ground.

"EMMA, I love you" she shouted out. She hadn't said that before, I froze

"You love me? How do you know you love me, why are you waiting till now to tell me Bella"

She stands up from the ground and comes back towards me, she puts her arms around my waist.

"I love you Emma, I always have. I am sorry I never told you sooner and I'm sorry I danced with your ex. I shouldn't have done that. You mean everything to me Emma, please don't go home. Please come to mine"

I was so upset and mad I just didn't want to fight anymore. At this moment all I wanted to do was go home and be in her arms. We haven't had the most stable relationship but that's what made it exciting to be with her.

"Ok Bella, let's go home together, let me call Catherine and let her know we are ok" I turned around and got my phone out of my pocket. I was still so drunk I could hardly see my phone but I began to hear the rings.

"Hi Catherine, sorry about earlier, just so you know we are fine and heading back to Bella's

"Thank god you're both ok Emma, that slap was pretty epic if I must say so" Catherine laughed down the phone at me

"I feel bad tho, I was too drunk, Christ I still am, anyway I just wanted to call and let you know we are fine" I looked up to see Bella walking across the road she was stood at the central part of the road climbing over the small Barrier between the roads, it was dark out that night darker than normal, it was a little misty also with the air a little damp.I turned around to see if I dropped anything on the floor.

"I'm glad you are good, now go be with your girl...Emma?...you there??...Em!?"

Everything went numb from that moment, the sound I heard is one I will never forget, I quickly turned around and couldn't see Bella anywhere, I looked left and right and still couldn't. I ran with not even looking if there was any cars coming to the last place I seen Bella. I saw a car about 100 yards away parked on the side road. I was in a huge state of panic I started walking in the direction of the car, I started coming across objects on the road. Until I froze then fell to the floor, Bella was lying on her front with her head facing me. I screamed, I shouted, I couldn't wake her up, I took in every detail in front of me but I refused to believe what was in front of me. I held her close not even caring that there was blood everywhere.

She had a huge gash on her right arm from the top to the bottom of her wrist, her trousers were not on her body, she was lying with her green t-shirt on and still had her underwear on. Looking further down I noticed that her Right leg was gone below her knee. I refused to accept nor believe this was happening.

In my complete an utter mental state I somehow managed to call an ambulance, I think survival mode kicked in. A highway maintenance truck pulled up behind me so that no cars would hit myself also. He was trying to tell me to leave and sit in the car but I refused to go.

The next thing I knew I was sat in an ambulance, I heard a voice outside saying 'dead on arrival' I broke, I completely broke down. I was taken to the nearest hospital and put in a room. My friend Catherine turned up, she cleaned me down and took me home. I was in a state of complete denial, I just sat and didn't speak, nothing around me mattered anymore"

\--

I sat there with tears in my eyes, telling that story brought back all the feelings I've kept hidden for so many years.

I felt an arm on my back and looked up to see Ruby and Lily and either side of me. They didn't say a word, they looked like they had seen a ghost.

All three of us sat there a cried.


	16. Chapter16

After opening up to both Lily and Ruby, I felt a sense of relief. I knew deep down that once I really told the story I would feel better. However, telling that story is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I never wanted to tell it again.

"So, Bella is the girl you were calling out in your sleep" Lily asked looking regretful "I feel awful Emma, I wish I had known. Things could have been so different" she looked to the floor with tears in her eyes

"Don't do that Lily, things happen for reasons unbeknown to myself. I couldn't open up back then. It has taken someone from my past to really make me think back to that time of my life, it's made me realise I should have been honest from the start. I regret not telling you Lily" I lifted her chin up so she was looking at me "Lily I should have told you, I am sorry. Yes, things could have different but you can't go through life thinking 'what if'. It has taken me a long time, but I have finally realised that I needed to do this, I am the person I am today, secretive, scared, defensive because I did not open up, I kept this all to myself. I came to London for a fresh start, Lily, you and Ruby have been the best thing in my life, without knowing it you have helped me in more ways than one, but I know now I should have told you sooner. I am sorry I hope you can forgive me one day"

"are you mad Emma? Of course, I forgive you. This is something I cannot beginning to understand, my heart breaks for what you have gone through, but I do not see someone in front of me now that is, secretive, scared, or defensive. I see a strong, trustworthy, amazing person and I am truly honoured to have been part of your life" She smiled at me and pulled me in for a hug "I love you Emma, I always will"

"I love you too Lily" and I really did, I may not be in love with her but I did love her.

"you are like my best friend, I am sorry we didn't work out Emma. But I hope we can still stay in each other's lives, you need to go and work things o...SHIT I am late for my date" she jumped up and looked at her phone realising she must have messed up, she frankly started pacing the room.

"Oh god, I'm sorry Lily. Go meet your date" I stood up with her.

"no, it's ok I want to stay here with you" she looked a little torn, I knew she was just trying to be a good friend.

"look Lily, it is OK, go meet your date, I would never forgive myself if you lost the potential love of your life cause your ex fiancé was talking about an ex partner and you felt bad for leaving. Honestly, I am ok. I have Ruby here to help me with something else" I said with a giggle. I gave her a hug, she said goodbye to Ruby and off she went for her date.

"I hope she finds someone that can really be true to her and make her happy, she really deserves it" I said to Ruby as she nodded and smiled back to me

As the night carried on myself and Sarah continued talking about the past. The conversation carried on till early hours of the morning. We ended up talking about Regina and trying to figure out how she is connected. I told Ruby I finally believed Regina. I mentioned about my downward spiral after Bella died and that for almost two years I was on a solid bender with drugs and alcohol until I had the accident. After a while I grabbed one of my duvets and we both snuggled up on the sofa to go to sleep.

"Isn't it obvious Emma?" Ruby spoke suddenly snapping me awake

"Woah, Ruby I was half asleep, what's so obvious"

"Regina knew you within those two years, you said so yourself your memory is a blur from it all"

"yes, but do you not think I would have remembered such a beautiful woman in my life then? I know it's a blur but I still remember things and I think I would have remembered that"

"I suppose you are right, but I think you did suffer from memory loss, this Killian seemed shady to me, I can't believe you dated a boy, boys smell Emma" she punched my arm and covered her nose. "Did she message you back after you text her, do you really think she is with that girl?"

"no, I haven't heard from her. I either really upset her and she doesn't want anything to do with me, or it was one big lie and she was just playing a game, but obviously that doesn't make sense so I am guessing she is just pissed off" I secretly hoped she just hasn't received my message yet and that when he does she would contact me. I could only hope at this point.

"Well I think you should try and speak with her again, what you got to lose eh? Even if it is not meant to be with her Emma, you need to find this out for yourself, you need to know what happened" she snuggled back into my side and started to doze off again.

I was woken up at 4am by banging on the door. I opened to the door to see Lily looking a little worse for wear and tears in her eyes. She used to do this often when we first started dating, minus the tears so of course I knew what I needed to do. I frowned and pulled her in. I walked us as quiet as I could to the bedroom hoping not to wake Ruby up. I sat her down on the bed, my heart broke for her, she looked so innocent and small, I slowly took her clothes off and changed her into some shorts and t-shirt and laid her down on the bed. I climbed in with her, her head was on my shoulder and my arms were wrapped around her. "how was the date" I whispered.

She sniffed "you know, it was am-mazing" she silently cried into my shoulder

"so, why are you crying Lily" I stroked her hair and she put her arm over my torso.

"Because I know this will be the last time I can lie with you like this" she said through tears "tomorrow I am going to ask her to be my girlfriend, and you, you are going to fight for Regina"

"w-what, how did you kn—" she cut me off

"shh, I just know, I know you, and you have the same look in your eye when you first met me, yet you look so confused" she pulled me closer again "I just wanted to be with you one more night. A night when everything is off each other's chests. I know now, I know why you were the way you were, I know why you couldn't love me with everything you had. I just want one more night with you, even if it's just holding each other"

"close your eyes Emma, trust me" of course I trust her.

I closed my eyes and I felt her move away from me, I wanted to open them, I was scared she left. Then I felt the bed dip and her knees on either side of my body then her body was pressed on top my mine. She brought her lips to my ear, I felt her breath on my neck "Emma, you are the most amazing person I know, I have loved you since the moment I met you. You drew me in with your bad girl personality and of course your sexy appearance, you are loved Emma, not just by me but everyone around you. Please do not feel bad about us, I do not regret anything with you" then she brought her lips to mine and kissed me.

"I am going to miss you" I told her when she pulled away, we both had tears in our eyes. I flipped her over and I sat on her waist, I pulled her up so that we were both facing each other with our legs wrapped around our bodies. We sat like this for a long while, we kissed and held each other, it was so comfortable everything moved so softly.

We pulled our tops off so we were both naked from the waist up. She slowly put her hand down my stomach and into my pants. My breathing hitched when I felt her touch me, I mirrored her action, she was so wet my fingers eased inside her finding her g-spot. We both moaned at each other's touch. I am really going to miss her body. It wasn't long before we were both coming, this was a truly magically experience with Lily, there was so much raw emotion that we connected on a level we both have never done before.

Afterwards we laid in each other's arms and feel asleep. When I woke up in the morning she was gone. I found a note on my pillow.

'_You will always be in my heart. Go and be happy you deserve the world – Lily xx_


	17. Chapter17

**LA**

_'Regina, I'm sorry I didn't come to see you or even tell you I was leaving. Words can not describe what that night meant for me. I've tried for so long to block out my past, either through drink, drugs or running away. You asked me to think about the summer of 2008, it's all one big blur to me Regina, after Bella I went down hill and I wasn't the same person I was or ever will be again. I abused my own body and mind. I was in a accident in August 2008, I can't remember that night at all but everything before that night I can't seem to remember either, I have only just been made aware of the lack of memory from back then. I brought that on myself with all the drugs I had taken. Killian helped me and checked me into rehab after that. I found it surprisingly easy to come off the drugs and haven't touched them since. _

_Regina I am sorry I can't remember you, I am sorry I did this to myself and upset you so much in the process, I can only imagine what you have gone through. I believe you though, I believe that we knew each other, my feelings that night with you made me realise back then. But, you deserve someone to be able to love all of you and give you all of their heart. _

_ I seen that you are happy and I hope I did not ruin your relationship with Brown._

_ I wish you all the best, I hope this is your number as I really want you to know, for what it is worth, the feeling I had with you was familiar and it felt like home - Love Emma'_

'"MOM, why didn't you show me, do you know what this means? FUCK MOM!"

"Language Regina, do not talk to me like that...yes I know what it means. It means you're going to go running back, I didn't show you as I knew you would, she left you and hurt my daughter. She wasn't the one that had to look after you after she left. It took you so long to get over her" Cora was so mad at Emma for the way she hurt Regina, but she knew in her heart that Regina would chase after her. Regina looked for her so long after Emma left, she vanished without a trace. Months of tears and heartbreak was enough evidence for Cora to try and stop her from going back to Emma, that is why she deleted the message

"I WAS NEVER OVER HER MOM" she stormed to the bedroom and started packing her bags. "I can't believe you hid that from me. You deleted this message but it was saved on my iPad mom, she sent this weeks ago, WEEKS AGO. There are so many things in that message that I can explain. For one she was in an accident I didn't know about, it would make perfect sense that she could have lost her memory! Killian, KILLIAN that bastard, he knew about us, he was the only one that did. He knew how much I loved her. I should have fucking known!"

"Darling please calm down, let's talk this over, you have a film to shoot in a week, you do not need this" Cora was pleading with her daughter

"Emma is more important than a dam film, there is nothing to talk about with you. I am going mom and you cannot stop me" Regina loved her mom, but she had gone too far this time, she knew she needed to get the first plane to London to find Emma.

With that she left to the airport calling her manager on the way. She was never a fan of her management team. She felt although she was never in control of her life. Her mom looked after all of her business affairs. She felt a little guilty for leaving her mom the way she did. She would never have shouted at her like that before, but she kept telling herself this is for my happiness not hers.

She booked the first plane back to London, when she was waiting in the lounge ready to board her mind was in over drive, 'oh my god she thinks I'm engaged, she thinks I've moved on, what must she think of me' she thought. Her heart broke knowing she was in an accident 'was she hurt' And finally, Killian, I could murder Killian. 'What has he told her?' She got her phone out and dialed the number. She was so determined to get Emma back in her life, but first she needed to let her know she has received the message.

"Hello" a sweet voice was heard down the phone

"hi, it's Regina "

\--

London.

"they won't put me through Ruby, I have tried everything, she isn't on social media, her management won't put 'fans' through. It is virtually impossible to get to her" I said to Ruby whilst sat at the bar

"I mean she is a celebrity Emma, it's not as if you can easily walk up to one or give them a call for a catch up"

"I know that, but when I tried to call her phone it was just silence, nothing is getting through" I was really sad that I couldn't contact Regina, I had been trying for a week now Jun and it was impossible.

"I don't know what to say, the phone thing sounds like she has blocked your number or she may have changed her number, have you tried finding an email address or anything?"

"yup tried" taking another drink of my pint "it's no use, I can't find her, it is as if she really doesn't want to be found. She must have fully moved on and forgot about me" I was obviously feeling sorry for myself at this point.

Another week had passed and I got myself in a routine of gym and work. I tried staying away from the drink a little. I seriously wanted to concentrate on a little health kick. I started feeling a little better about myself and I knew my body was getting back to the fitness level I loved. I missed feeling this good.

Things seemed to settle down for everyone else. Ruby and Lily were in new relationships. Lily even introduced me to her new lady friend. Her name of Gilly which I found hilarious. They did not share my humor. It was a little awkward at first meeting Gilly, I mean I was engaged to be married to Lily and if we worked out that date would have been fast approaching. Not only that, myself and Lily slept together the night of their date and the eve of Lily asking Gilly to be her girlfriend. I felt a twang of jealously when I first seen them together, Lily must have sensed it. That night she took me to the side and told me that if this wasn't OK they would leave, she respected me too much to make me upset. I told her not to be silly and that I was OK with it. I proceeded to tell her that I would be the best sex she would ever have so I really wasn't worried about that, Lily just laughed and gave me a look with a raised eyebrow that she actually agreed, I felt pretty smug about that. It was good to have myself and Lily on good terms again. Lily winked and walked away making us both laugh.

It was a about a month now since I sent that message. Regina was constantly on my mind, although I had slept with Lily, she was the last person I had slept with, I mean I acted like a bit of a slag after we broke up and the fact that I slept with Ruby also made me realise I needed to sort myself out. I knew that if I wanted to get in touch with Regina again. I first needed to look after myself. She was the motivation I needed. I have my fitness back up to where I want it and I also went to the doctors, I got a full bill of health and now I was determined to find Regina again.

I tried all options to get in touch and every single one failed. I was sat at home with my laptop looking at flights to America. I managed to get a few weeks off work so I decided to bite the bullet. I knew I needed to go over there and at least try and find her. If this failed then at least I would know deep down I had tried every option.

Just as I confirmed and paid for my flight my phone started ringing.

"Hello"

"hi, it's Regina" What the actual hell

"are you fucking serious?" I said rather calmly

"emm yes, sorry, this is Emma yes?" she sounded a little taken back

"yes of course its fucking Emma, do you know how much I have been trying to fucking get in touch with you. I have tried calling your management, I have tried fucking Social media, I mean which bloody celebrity doesn't have a damn social media account, oh right Regina mills doesn't, Christ I have just booked a plane to LA to try and find you, I am going fucking crazy over here" I said as quickly as I thought it all

"what wait, you have tried contacting me? I wasn't aware, I have only just got your message today and regarding social media, I don't like it, it attracts stalker fans...hold up, you got a ticket to LA?" she said just as quickly back

"Y-yes I have a ticket" mentally cursing myself for stuttering

"I am in LA airport waiting to board a flight to you" Silence overtook this conversation. "do you want to see me?"

Is she daft "of course Regina, I wouldn't have spent nearly a grand on a last minute flight, I am leaving for the airport in 1 hour, hang on, will I still come? do you want to see me?" It was my turn to be daft

"well derrr, of course I want to see you I want nothing more than to see you" A smile crept on my face

"OK let me come to you, I want to get out of the UK for a bit"

I gave her my flight details and told her what time I am arriving.

"I can't wait" she sounded excited "Emma?"

"yes Regina?"

"I-I I can't wait to see you, have a safe flight"

"Me too, Bye" I hung up the phone, I must have looked like the Flash packing my bags. I have no idea what to take so I thought fuck it I will travel light and just get some stuff over there.

Oh my god. I must be going crazy, what am I doing...

...Off I go to LA


	18. Chapter18

Worst. Flight. In. History! The flight was agonisingly slow, I couldn't wait to get off the plane. My ears were bleeding due to a small demon child screaming for the most part. I was sat next to rather large man who had a very pungent smell that hit me in the face every time he moved. Oh, to top it off he fell asleep practically squashing me into the window and loudly snoring directly over me.

If it wasn't for the fact that I was beyond excited, yet internally nauseous at seeing Regina at the end of the flight then I would have happily used the emergency exit. Not even overacting.

I spoke to Ruby before boring the plane to tell her what was happening. She could not contain her excitement, she made me promise to update her every day and told me to 'go get your pussy girl' yes, it did make me laugh.

So, here I was, departing the plane waiting to get through customs. I scowled at the young demon child as she was sat happily clapping her hands with not a care in the world. God that plane journey has put me in a terrible mood. Focus on Regina Emma, focus on Regina that was all I was kept telling myself.

I walked through customs to what I assumed was the exit, the next thing I knew I was practically tackled to the ground, I was not in the mood for rude people, they should watch where they are going. I just managed to steady myself to turn and give this person a piece of my mind when I suddenly felt soft lips on mine. My eyes widened in shock, as did my body. It wasn't a long kiss by far but when they pulled back, I realised it was Regina, she was wearing some short jean shorts with white converse a white T that was tucked into the front of her pants, with a black cap and sunglasses on. Yes, I did just stand there and check her out.

I arched my eyebrow "Well hello to you too, why are you wearing sunglasses inside?

She grabbed my hand and walked towards the exit with me "I am in disguise, can't be bothered with getting tackled by fans"

"so, you thought you would tackle me instead" my hand was tingling at her touch.

"yeah, sorry, I was just overly excited to see you" she sounded a little embarrassed, so I squeezed her hand to reassure her

"I am excited to see you too, a little nervous but more excited" a beautiful smile spread across her face

"come on let's get you to my home, you must be tired" we walked towards a very expensive looking car, now I am not great with American cars but what I will say is it looked expensive, probably more expensive than my house I live in now.

The drive to her home was about 45 minutes, it wasn't awkward at all, she laughed when I told her about the demon child and the smelly man. At one point she put her hand on my thigh, she kept circling her finger. I internally shivered at her touch. I was fighting not to let a moan escape my mouth, so I slowly entwined my fingers with her so she could stop the torturous movements on my leg. I glanced over to her and watched her drive with a small smile on her face.

"welcome to my home, please make yourself comfortable. I will show you to your room" she held my hand again and started walking up the stairs. I don't know why I was so nervous. Her home was amazing, it was big and decorated in such a regal way, it felt warm and safe and dare I say homely.

It felt surreal being here, I would never have thought a few months ago I would end up here, what was even more strange is that it felt so right "I don't mind staying in a hotel Regina, I wasn't expecting to stay here" mentally slapped myself in the face, thinking she assumed I expected this

"do you want to stay in a hotel" she turned to face me, she looked a little hurt

"no, I don't, but at the same time I don't want you to feel like you have to put me up here" I answered honestly, I didn't want this to be awkward.

"I am not putting you up as you like to call it, I don't feel like I have to, I want you... I mean I want you here, with me, for as long as you like" she held both of my hands looking me straight in the eye "we have so much to talk about, settle yourself in and come down when you're ready. Feel free to use the bathroom and freshen up" she brought her lips to mine slowly as if asking for permission, I smiled showing it was ok and closed the last of the distance, the kiss quickly got heated and it took all my strength not to push her into this room, she pulled away when we were struggling to catch our breathes. She smiled and left me to get myself sorted.

I couldn't help but grin as that kiss felt so right, I will never get enough of feeling those soft lips on my own.

I walked into the bathroom, I nearly choked at the size of it, it was surely the size of my living room back home. I quickly showered then changed. I put on some shorts and a vest then went to find Regina. Her home wasn't huge like mansion size huge, but it was big and very cosy. I admired everything she had decorated as I walked throughout her home

I walked into the kitchen to find Regina sat at the island with a cup of coffee reading a paper. My internal beast literally growled at how sexy she looked with her black rimmed glasses on. I cleared my throat to make presence known.

She looked up and smiled "hi, do you feel a bit better and a little less stressed due to demon child?" She motioned me over laughing "do you want some coffee?"

"Yes please, your house is beautiful" she smiled at my comment as I sat down next to her, she passed my cup over. It was silent for a little while when we both went to speak, I giggled and told her to go on

"So, Emma, where do I begin?" She fidgeted her fingers on her cup.

"I don't know, I'm actually a little scared to talk to be honest. I've been so excited to see you again and honestly, I've missed you" she looked back up to me and smiled shyly

"You have no idea how much I missed you, I was so mad Emma, I thought you just walked away from me again, I felt a little used. I was angry for so long. Then one day I came home from filming in Chicago and found your message on my iPad, I was so confused as it wasn't on my phone. I knew my mom must have had something to do with it as she is the only one to have my phone when I'm shooting" she looked angry I could see the frustration in her face.

"I've had a huge blow out with her, we haven't spoken for days, she thinks I've gone to London " there was sadness in her eyes I feel so guilty as I knew this was all my fault

"Hey, it's ok Regina, as weird as this sounds. Don't blame your mom, she obviously cares about you. She seems like the kind of mom that would protect her daughter at all costs, you should feel honoured you have a mom that cares so much" I didn't want her to be mad at her mom because of me. I knew what it's like to not speak with your mom.

"Are you still not speaking with her" her question shocked me, but then again, I was beginning to get used to it.

"No, still not" we sat in silence for a little longer "can we make a deal"

"Sure, what deal do you want?"

"Can we not speak about anything, not yet at least, let me get to know you, again. This is all new to me, but I know in my heart I want this. I want to get to know you?

"Can I make a deal?" I nodded "I will do this on one condition, you don't run away this time. Even if situations get too much, please do not runaway. I want to get to know you again. I know you're not the same person I used to know. But I would love nothing more than to get to know you again, just don't run please?"

A stray tear fell down her cheek, I lifted my hand to cup her face and wipe her tear away with my thumb.

"I won't run, I promise. Can I kiss you" I whispered to her inching closer.

"You never have to ask me that"

She pulled me closer until our lips connected. This was different than the others, this felt new as if we were finding each other again but again it felt so familiar, it felt like home.

She pulled me up and pushed me against the counter. Lifting me up so she was stood between my legs. I couldn't help but smile as I knew these next few hours would be fun. Our chemistry, our connection, our lust and love was unquestionable and I slowly felt my walls tumbling down around me.


	19. Chapter19

I was incredibly horny at this point, we were making out for a good twenty minutes while I was sat on the counter and Regina was stood between my legs, her arms were wrapped around my body with her hands under my top. I hand a firm grip on her hair. Every time her hand moved on my skin I shuddered under her touch, I well very aware of the wetness building between my legs. I couldn't take it for much longer I needed her touch desperately.

As if reading my mind, she pulled away from me, she was panting and out of breath, her eyes were dark and full of lust. She guided me softly off the counter and pulled me in her arms "shall we go somewhere more comfortable" I bit my lip unable to hide how turned on I was.

"we best hurry because I am ready to rip all your clothes off and fuck you on this counter" I said back to her with lust evident in my voice.

"fuck it" she grabbed the back of my neck and pulled her lips once more to mine. "what are you doing to me" she said between kisses.

"me? What are you doing to me" I couldn't control it anymore, I lifted her up and placed her back on the counter I was previously sat on, I ripped her top off like a crazed animal, I stood back for 2 seconds to take in her sexy body, "god you're so fucking hot" I came close again and unclasped her bra and throw it behind me, she leant over and pulled my top off over my head and quickly got rid of my bra also. I ran my hands over the rim of her pants, she lifted herself up on her hands so I could pull her pants down along with her underwear.

I positioned myself back between her legs, she brought her legs up to wrap around my body, I felt her wetness on my stomach, I groaned internally at the feeling, I took her perfect breast in my mouth and flicked her bud with my tongue, kissing and sucking it, she arched her back slightly with both of her hands in my hair, I felt her breath on my ear which made the hair stand up on the back of my neck adding to the many pleasures I was feeling at that moment, after I was satisfied with one breast I moved to the other. Without warning I pushed two fingers inside her, she was so wet they easily slid in , her walls instantly gripped my fingers telling me she was just as sensitive as I was. She bucked with the movement and flung her head back. She began to grind against my hand, all the while I kept my attention on her breasts with my tongue. As I was thrusting, I positions my fingers inside to find her g-spot, I found it with no issue and my thumb began rubbing on her clit at the same time, so here I was stood with my arm securely wrapped around her waist my other arm rocking in and out of her while stimulating her clit, and finally my mouth giving her wonderful sexy breasts all the attention they deserved.

Her senses must have been euphoric as the most heavenly sound escaped from her mouth. Her body began to shake after 10minutes of pure bliss, this was the most fun I have ever had pleasuring someone, I felt my own muscles in my body contract, how is this possible, can this happen, I didn't care it was amazing. Her body carried on shaking, her moans become louder, her grip on my neck become strong.

I pulled my lips away from her breast for a second "come for me Regina" I devoured her breasts again, she come undone in my arms, I felt myself also having a small release inside. I brought my lips to her neck and sucked on her sweet spot. She held onto me and rocked her orgasm on my hand until her body stopped shaking.

I held her for a few moments, my hand was still inside of her gorgeous body, I felt her pulse around my hand. She lifted her head off my shoulder, I saw tears in her eyes.

As if sensing my worry "no, I am not crying because I am sad Emma, I am crying, well, because I do not think I have ever felt anything like that before in my life and a sudden rush off emotion is all I feel right now" she began to cry in my arms. I pulled my hand out, she whimpered at the loss but I pulled her in my arms and carried her upstairs. Not knowing where I was really heading, I opened a door and found a huge queen size bed. I placed her down and hovered over her. She still had tears in her eyes, she pulled me down and held me so close, I wrapped my arms around her and held her back. "I am sorry"

"what are you saying sorry for?" my head was in her neck, I kissed her neck softly

"mmm that feels so nice" she arched her neck slightly, so I had more access. "I am just sorry for being emotional"

"don't be" I carried on kissing her while slowly beginning her grind on her, "I understand" she lifted her leg between mine, I didn't know how sensitive I was until she connected her leg with my core. "Fuck Regina" I shuddered above her

"someone is ready for me" she whispered in my ear, I grinned into her neck grabbing her hands and pinning them above her.

"I love how vulnerable you look under me" She laughed at me and try to wiggle out of my hold

"Well it's not my fault you're so bloody strong Emma" I lent down and kissed her I released one of her arms which she brought direct down to my core, it caught me off guard and my other arm collapsed under me giving her the opportunity to roll me over so she was straddling me

"you little sly minx Regina" she laughed at the stupid remark. She then came down and started kissing me, her lips soon left mine and travelled to my neck.

"you are beautiful Emma" she kissed my body "but these have to go" she pulled my pants and underwear off and positioned herself between my legs. She spread my legs apart and put her arms under my legs and held my hips down as if she was scared, I was going to run away. "this is by far my favourite view" I completely blushed, "aww you're cute"

"my god Regina do not call me cute" I put the pillow over my face in complete embarrassment. "I do not do cute!" I heard her laughing. It suddenly stopped when I felt her warm lips on my inner thighs l, her tongue licked up my thigh and above my core. I knew she was teasing me, and it was fucking working.

"you are so wet for me baby" I was heavily breathing as I felt her breath on my core. I lifted my hips to encourage her "someone is eager"

"Please" I begged

"please what, what do you want" oh my god she is teasing too much

"Regina, I can't cope, please touch me" I could hardly get my words out I was on edge

"how badly do you want me baby?"

I was so frustrated I was getting mad "I swear to god Regina, if you do not fuck me or put your lips on me I will find someon...OOOH FUCK" she obviously needed a threat to start.

She thrust her tongue inside my walls, lapping up my wetness in her mouth, oh my, it felt so good. I bucked my hips in which she held them down with a firm grip. I held her hair in my hands pushing her closer to my core, I could never get enough of this I thought to myself. It felt so good.

She let go of one of my hips and brought her hand around, she gripped my inner thigh spreading my legs even further apart. She removed her tongue form inside me the brought it to my clit, I was a moaning mess begging for more. "Ah Regina, that feels, amazing, your tongue is like magic" I felt her smile against myself. As I had done previously, she caught me by surprise and felt her fingers bury deep inside. I began moaning louder and buckled my hips. She started off slowly but begun to quicken up her pace. With that I start grinding myself against her.

"oh god you're so fucking sexy, faster Regina please" I pleaded with her, she began to pound me quicker and harder, I bit my, drawing blood, I didn't care at all, I brought my own hand to my breasts and started pulled at my nipples. This must have encouraged her more as she bit down on my bundle of nerves, that literally sent me over the edge. The heat in my lower stomach burned with so much intensity.

"OH MY GOD, IM COMING REGINA, FUCCCCCK, GINA" I screamed her name, my whole body was on fire with that, it seemed to last forever. She gently removed her hand and cleaned me with her tongue. I pulled her up in my arms.

"looks like I am not the only one who is emotional" I looked at her confused then she wiped a tear off my check. I smiled at her and kissed her lips.

"I don't care about the past Regina, I never want to be without you. I did plan to take this slow, well that didn't happen" we both laughed at that "there is something about you I just cannot keep away from. This chemistry is immense Regina"

"I know and believe me when I say, it always was" she snuggled into my side and wrapped her arm around me then brought her leg over my waist, I felt her wetness on my hip

"do you want me Regina? Not just sex but me?" I can't believe I am saying this

"I want all of you Emma, I want to be with you forever, I want to do this every day of my life, I want you, I always have, and I always will"

"what about your fiancé" the look in her eye was one of shock

"fiancé? I am not engaged, I mean I was, but I called it off months ago"

"oh" was all I could say

"please tell me you didn't believe the news?" she held herself up on her elbow.

"no, well I don't know, I mean it is hard to see what is true and what is not. I was overcome with jealously, but I just wanted to see you happy" I was trying to be as honest as I could "I was mad Regina, and I had no right to be. I mean we weren't even together, but I was mad, I calmed myself down and that's when I sent you that message"

"argh I wish my mom didn't keep that from me. Look the photos you seen was her coming to collect her things, we decided to be friends and went out for some food, the paparazzi got old photos and told everyone we were back together. We are not I promise you. I could never fully commit to her. You have always been at the back of my mind and in my heart Emma, I haven't thought or been with anyone since I saw you last, you have to believe me?"

The look in her eyes was one of honesty and pain. "I believe you. I trust you"

She lent down and kissed me again, we lay in each other's arms and slowly drifted off to sleep. I couldn't help but think maybe I should have told her about Lily.

What will she think?


	20. Chapter20

"you could have texted, called, emailed, sent an owl or even a god dam pigeon or SOMETHING EMMA!" Ruby screams on facetime.

"haha Ruby, I have been busy, I am soooo sorry I didn't drop everything to contact your royal assness" I say sarcastically back.

I am sat in Regina's living room whilst she has gone out for a meeting with her management, I took this opportunity to call Ruby, and now I wish I didn't, I am getting the 3rd degree for being a 'terrible' friend for not contacting her sooner.

"I know what you're busy doing you dirty whore bag" I burst out laughing at her, we can never stay mad at each other. "anyway Emma, I miss you, tell me EVERYTHING"

"a lady never kisses and tells my friend"

"lady? Where"

"har har Ruby, no seriously it has been amazing, I am not even lying when I say we haven't left the house...if you know what I mean" I couldn't help myself, I love winding her up

"judging by that massive bite mark you have on your neck, I am guessing you are getting to know each other pretty well?" I quickly covered my neck feeling the heat in my check intensify. "you are so smitten" she laughs

"shut up Ruby" I get up and start walking around the house so I can show Ruby where I am staying. There was a lot of oooo's are ahhh's going on from her side

"god I am so jealous Emma, you had bagged yourself a good one there"

"I haven't bagged anyone, I don't even know what this is, but I can tell you one thing, I really like her Ruby, we have an unbelievably strong connection, it that weird right?"

"Emma, everything you do is weird" I roll my eyes at her and was about to protest "BUT, I think this is a good kind of weird, have you spoken about the past?

"no, I asked her not to mention anything yet, I want to get to know her now, not from the past"

"now that is weird, I can't believe you haven't wanted to know?"

"it is not like I don't want to know, I am just truly scared to hear about it, she knows about Bella, I haven't told anyone apart from you and Lily. The only other people that know what happened are the people that knew me at the time and I don't even see or speak to them anymore"

Deep down I knew we needed to talk about it. I sighed and put my head in my hand

"aww Emma, it is OK, look she obviously likes you more than you think, she was ready to come to London to look for you. I honestly think it will be OK if you talk to her, put it this way, if she does know about Bella at least you don't have to tell the story again, she will understand it is too hard to talk about. That night you told me and Lily, I saw how much it hurt you, I would never dream of asking you to tell the story again, and plus selfishly I don't think my heart could take it let alone yours"

"thanks Ruby, I love you, you know that"

"Well I mean what's not to love right" laughing and wiggling her eyebrows at me. "anyway, give me all the juicy goss"

I sat on the phone with Ruby for at least another hour talking about absolute nonsense, honestly this girl can talk for Britain if she wanted to. I ended up sitting out next to the pool for an hour afterwards taking in the sun, I could feel myself getting tired.

I heard someone walking towards me and realised it was Regina, I am sure she wasn't due back for another hour or two, it was then I realised I must of fallen asleep.

"Hey gorgeous" she came and sat between my legs on the sun lounger, when I say sun lounger it was more like a bed

"hey beautiful, how did it go?" I noticed she looked sad when I asked her, I quickly sat up and held her face "Regina, what's wrong, you can tell me"

"I have sacked my management team" she told me with tears in her eyes.

"oh my god, why, what happened" I held her hands in mine to let her know I was with her, in any way she needed.

She looked directly at me and sighed "Emma, they knew about you. My mom told them to keep you away from me. Because they look after all my accounts, they closed off all my social media, I mean it's not like I ever used it any way but that's not the point, they blocked your number on my phone and was told that if you called the management company to not give you any details about me at all, I am furious Emma, how could she do that, my management team are supposed to work with me not her. I cannot trust anyone. I am supposed to be filming in Chicago in a few days and now I have no idea what to do?" she leant towards me with her head on my chest, I brought my arms around her and held her close.

"shh its ok, I will help you. I mean, I may not have any experience with managing celebrities, but I will try my hardest.

"why aren't you mad, at them, they kept us apart?" she looked at me slightly taken back

"because...because life is too short to worry about anyone else, I am here with you now Regina, and I am not going anywhere, plus they failed in the end right, we still found each other"

As if I had spoken the truest words to her, she sat up and kissed me. I pulled her closer to me deepening the kiss. She pulled away catching her breath

"I really like you Emma, thank you"

"I really like you too Regina, I will help you no matter what, but we need to talk first" she looked like she had seen a ghost

"I don't like the sound of that" I laughed and pulled her close again.

"no nothing bad, well I hope not, I don't want it to turn bad. Regina, these past 3-4 days have been amazing, I asked you not to talk about the past cause I wanted to get to know you for you, for now, and for the future, but..."

"but you are leaving, right?" she put her head down looking defeated, I quickly put my hand under her chin and lifted it back up, so she looked at me

"no, I am not leaving, that's the thing, I never want to leave you, this feeling I have for you, it is so strong, I am struggling to believe how I could possibly have left you in the first place, we need to talk about the past, I am ready to know"

"are you sure, I mean I want to tell you everything, but I am scared to bring it up for you" I could tell she was nervous, her eyes gave her away.

"yes, I am sure, I need everything on the table and in return, I will put everything on the table for you, you deserve to know what I have done also, but I am keeping my promise"

"you are?"

"I won't run" she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me close, we sat there for a few minutes, taking in the moment in each other's arms. She finally pulled back.

"Emma, I have an idea of what you may have done" Regina looked at me with her raised eyebrow

"what…what do you mean you might have an idea?

"I do not live in a cave Emma, I know people have needs, I also have had needs" I frowned pouting my lips at her, she laughed and peaked my lips "however, I do not need the touch of other people to satisfy myself, but you forget I know you, I knew you before and truthfully Emma I am not mad, you have had your life before me, whatever has happened before you coming over here is in the past Emma, you were single to do what you want, I am not angry if you have been with anyone, I do not care about that, what I care about is right now, and moving forward…with you"

With that I pulled her into my arms and kissed her like there was no tomorrow, every time I kissed her it was like it was our first, I loved her kisses so much I could sit here for hours/days even kissing her. She was amazing, she understood me like no other.

"OK so let's go inside and talk"

_A/N This is end of part 1. I will start Part 2 very soon...I hope you are all enjoying the story so far_


	21. Part2Chapter21

JUNE 2008

"aww I can't believe you are leaving to go back to the US" my friend Zel said, I am finally finishing my performance arts degree in London, so we decided to travel up to Scotland for a weekend away to celebrate graduating.

"I know, but my mom has been speaking to a management company and said they think I can get back into acting if I wanted to, you know I have been thinking about it for a few years. Besides, I am still here for the summer, right?"

"I suppose so, when you are rich and famous don't forget me, I will still be in London possibly still living like a student in 10 years times" she rolls her eyes at me and flips her hair dramatically.

"shut up Zel, you know when I am rich and famous you will be living over in the US with me, I will look after you, anyway enough about the sad talk, where are we off to tonight to celebrate"

We carried on getting ready in the hotel room, the other reason we were in Scotland is because Zel met some girl on MySpace and decided it was time to meet her, so being the great friend, I was, I decided to go along with her, in case this girl ended up crazy or even worse, ended up being someone completely different.

After a few drinks at the hotel we left to go to the club, when we arrived there was commotion outside which the doorman was trying to break up, I hate fighting, so I kept myself back with Zel. From what we saw there was two girls fighting, one of them had her back to me, she looked like she worked out, her arms were toned and her blonde hair cascaded down her back, I couldn't help but stare as she lifted her arms to tie her hair in a messy bun, suddenly aware I was gawking I turned around taking a deep breath.

Just as I was in my own little world waiting to get in the club, I heard the doorman separate them finally. The other girl was taken away with her friends, she looked so mad. I stared again at the other girl that had her back to me, when she turned around, my breathing suddenly stopped, she was the most gorgeous girl I have ever laid eyes on. She was wearing skinny blue jeans with a white muscle top, she began to put her blonde hair up again after it must of fallen out in the scuffle, when she looked directly in my eyes. 'wow' I thought to myself her eyes were the colour of the sea, like the Mediterranean. I have never seen blue and green like it. She slowly walked up to me, the closer she came the more I took in her facial features, my god, if I could have stayed looking at something for the rest of my life, this would have been it.

As she come a few feet away, the doorman quickly came up to her "Emma, come on that's the second time this week you have been scrapping, you know there is only so much I can do"

"well she shouldn't have called me a drunken bitch" god even her accent was memorizing.

"Emma, I seen you make out with that other girl, and from what I seen that girl was that girl's girl" he said laughing at her. "so, I think you may have deserved it, look get yourself back inside, and keep out of trouble"

She walked off heading back into the club past us, when she suddenly stopped and looked over her shoulder towards me and winked.

'my body reacted immediately feeling like it had melted on the spot' how can one person, with one look, make you nearly crumble.

"Regina come on" Zel called pulling me from my thoughts. We arrived in the club and went straight to the bar, I couldn't help but look around for that girl, Emma I think I heard was her name. Much to my disappointment I couldn't see her.

We grabbed ourselves a table, I could tell Zel was nervous, she has never done this before, so I was glad I was there for morale support. Within 10minutes we had 3 shots each and was now sat drinking a bottle of beer each, Dutch courage as she liked to say. After about 3ominutes her girl turned up, she was quite pretty. Her name was Ashley and you could tell that her and Zel was going to hit it off immediately. We spoke for a while drinking getting to know each other, I saw Zel and Ashley getting closer and I knew they wanted to go and dance. I excused myself to the bathroom knowing she would want to be alone for a few moments. While I was walking there, I bumped into someone, well I didn't bump into one person I bumped into two people making out against the wall. I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks again, the girl that was pushing the other against the wall quickly turned around "watch where you are going bitch" my heart sank, and I saw those beautiful blue eyes looking at me.

"well you shouldn't stand in front of the bathroom door if you don't want to be walked into" I don't stand for any form of rudeness regardless of my heart hammering against my chest

she turned around looking mad, the other girl slipped away as if she knew what she was going to do

"is that right little miss bitch" my god she was sexy as hell, but so intimidating.

I took a step back looking to the floor to see where I was walking too "Y..yes" dam it Regina, get yourself together "yes, you don't scare me so I don't know what you think you are doing, now if you excuse me, I need to leave"

She suddenly started laughing, her laugh was beautiful, god get a grip Regina, you are going to get yourself into trouble

"you know little...queen, I will move and allow you to go to the bathroom" she side stepped slowly watching me closely

I didn't even know what to say, I hurried past her and ran into a cubical. I put my head in my hands, I had so many feelings going on, this was crazy, I was mad, thrilled, jealous of the girl against the wall. I also realised I was a little tipsy. I heard someone sniffing in the cubical next to me

"Christ Emma, don't take it all, leave me some"

"fuck off, I paid for it, I will take it" Jesus this girl has issues, it doesn't take a genius to know what she was doing "piss off anyway I don't know what you are doing in here with me"

"fine, fuck you Emma" I heard her storm out. I waited a few more minutes till I thought the coast was clear and I went to leave the bathroom.

To my utter surprise she was stood directly in front of the door "going somewhere Queen" she grabbed my waist and pulled me to her. My stomach flipped with a thousand butterflies, either with aroused or fear, I wasn't quite sure.

"get off me" I pulled away from her and stormed out to find Zel. I found her dancing with Ashley, I was about to tell her I was leaving when she pulled me on the floor to dance with them. The thing about Zel is that she always gets her way so there was no use in arguing, after a while we were having the time of our life's, I pushed the blonde-haired beauty out of my mind for the time being, Ashley was fun to be around. The club was getting busier, so the dance floor was rammed. After a couple of hours and a few more drinks later I was in a world of my own. I felt arms wrap around me from behind and felt someone kiss my neck. I looked up to see Zel giving me 'you pulled' look.

I turned around in the persons arms and placed my arms on their shoulders not looking to see who it was, but I do know their body felt good, we started to grind together, very, very sexily. I loved it, I loved expressing myself through dance and this person danced amazing with me, they pulled me closer so that their head was in my neck, slowly kissing my neck up to my jaw and towards my lips, I didn't care at this point I was pretty much turned on. A pair of soft lips touched mine. I was electrified, I grabbed their hair and pulled her closer, she placed her hands on my ass and pulled my core towards hers, if the music wasn't so loud the whole club would have heard my moans. I pulled away catching my breath and when I opened my eyes, I was shocked to see who it was. Emma, I quickly pushed her off and walked away.

The reason, I have no idea why I walked away. She took drugs, she was player, she was drunk. I didn't need that. But I could have sworn I seen something different in her eyes when I pulled away from her, my heart was beating for her. I went to see Zel to find her pretty drunk lying on a chair with Ashley straddling her, she looked happy so who was I to drag her away. I told her I had a headache and that I was leaving.

After about 20minutes of trying to persuade me to stay I won the battle. I said my goodbyes. I laughed to myself as I left the club, by the looks of the way Zel was with Ashley they were in for a hell of a night together.

I left the club and waited for a taxi. I heard some people shouting behind so I turned around to see what was going on. As I turned around, I seen a man grab Emma pushing her against a wall then he hit her. HE HIT HER, I my heart stopped, and all common sense left my body as I went running over to try and get the man off her. He must have got a shock as it certainly wasn't my superwomen powers that he ran off. I looked behind me to see the same doorman from earlier. Figures.

I crouched down next to her and moved some hair from her face. My god she was completely wasted but still beautiful. She reached up and held my face

"my queen" well I'll be damned, I was hooked straight in. I knew this girl was trouble, but I couldn't leave her. I felt the overwhelming urge to protect her. She slowly closed her eyes and snuggled her head on my legs.

Wow "I'll take her back to my hotel and look after" I said to no one in particular. I heard the doorman say he will get us a taxi.

I got her in the taxi and headed to the hotel. 'what on earth was I doing' I thought to myself. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I looked down to see her head on my lap.

I am screwed.


	22. Chapter22

Somehow, I do not know how, I managed to get Emma out of the taxi, into the hotel, in the elevator, and into my room. I couldn't believe I have helped this woman, I didn't even know her, but I felt pulled towards her and just could not leave her in that alley.

When we got into the room, she walked directly to the wine bottle that was half full, I quickly swiped it out of her reach, to her utter disappointment she pouted and sat in the middle of the floor, when I say sat, she threw herself on the floor like a child. I poured the wine down the sink in the bathroom so she couldn't be tempted.

I came back into the room to find her sat there with a cigarette hanging out her mouth. God this woman.

"Emma, you cannot smoke in here, are you trying to get me thrown out of this hotel?"

"this is a hotel? I thought this was your home girl" she laid herself down on the floor so I took the opportunity to grab the cigarette from her hand and flushed it down the toilet.

"no, it is a hotel, and as if, you thought it would have been OK to light one in my home!" It suddenly dawned on me what I was doing. Why am I so stupid to bring this person I have no idea who she is, back to this hotel? I wished Zel and Ashley would hurry back. Just as my night couldn't get any more complicated my phone pinged as I got a text informing me that Zel was staying at Ashley's – Great!

"OK, let me get you a taxi, I should not have brought you here in the first place, I do not know what I was thinking" I heard sniffles, I looked down and she was sat up with her head between her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs. "are you crying?"

"whatever, I didn't ask to come here, I'm using your bathroom then I am out of here"

Thank god for that, although I couldn't help but wonder if she was crying or not, she stood up and stumbled into the bathroom and slammed the door.

She was in there for a while, so I got up and knocked to see if she was coming out, there was no response. I put my ear against the door, I could just about hear mumbling something. "Emma, I am coming in" I slowly opened the door as to not scare her.

What I saw in front of me gave me an uneasy feeling in my stomach, she was leaning against the toilet whilst sat on the floor. Her mascara was running down her cheeks, she was mumbling something under her breath I couldn't quite make it out.

Urgh! I knew no taxi would take her in this state.

I took a deep breath walking up her. I hooked my arms under hers from behind lifting her up, so she was standing on her feet, I looked down and what I knew was cocaine was all over the top of the toilet seat. I rolled my eyes feeling a mad I got myself in such a position. She turned around and slumped against my chest, ultimately making me fall backwards against the wall. She brought her arms around my waist and started to cry.

I was shocked, as I didn't know what to do. God this girl was broken "shh its ok Emma, don't cry, I am here"

"Bella, don't leave me again Bella" she whispered, if I wasn't so close, I wouldn't had heard her. She tightened her grip around my waist and brought her lips to my neck.

Oh god my body reacted to her instantly, I felt like my legs were going to give way. I brought my neck back to give her more room to 'explore' "I missed you, please come back"

I quickly snapped out of it, what was I doing, she was in no state to do this, let alone she thought I was someone called Bella.

"wooah there, come on let's get you to bed" I knew trying to tell her then I wasn't this Bella girl would have done no good. I guided her to the bed with my arm securely wrapped around her. She suddenly tripped and fell onto the bed pulling me down with her. I landed between her legs, she instantly wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me towards her, she then quickly flipped me over.

As if the previous 30minutes didn't happen, it was like something switched in her head "not every day I have queen between my legs" she grabbed my arms and pulled them above my head, she brought her body down so it was laying against my chest and brought her lips to my neck. I moaned at the sudden sensation.

Snapping out of my sexual thoughts for the second time. "stop it Emma, get off me, you're drunk and obviously wasted from whatever you just took in..."

"shhhh you want this, I want this, I need this, you need this judging by your bodies reaction, let's just have fun, you're not taking advantage, I am not, we are both adults so let's fuck"

At the word 'fuck' my body was my worst enemy. My mind was trying to be sensible my body was not. Stupid, stupid hidden sex drive!

I tried half heartily to push her off, but this made her grind against my core "you're so beautiful" every time she said that I shivered – get a grip Regina

"no I do not..ahh..want...fuck...this" pitiful I know

"I beg to differ" she whispered in my ears

I was gone, truly gone, I was all hers in this moment. She brought her lips to mine then bit my bottom lip, her hands loosened around my wrists and I instantly brought them around her neck bringing her closer to me. I arched my back into her wanting to suddenly feel her body more. She brought her hand under my top, the second her fingers touched my skin my body felt like it was on fire. "mmmm you feel so soft" she moaned into my mouth.

She sat up quickly taking her vest off, undoing her jeans and pulling them slightly down. I felt a lump in my throat, I marvelled at her body, I have never seen something so toned before, yet she had various bruises around her stomach, arms and a red mark was starting to show on her cheek. I brought my arm up to touch them. She placed her hand over mine and slowly guided my arm down her hard abs towards her underwear, I was shocked as the next thing I found was my hand with hers inside her underwear. I looked into her eyes biting my lip. I was one million percent turned on right now, with one more encouraging push I felt her wetness around my fingers, she then took her hand away leaving my own to roam free. She leaned down and took my lips to hers once more, moaning every time I touched her sensitive bundle of nerves. She slowly sat back up bringing me with her, she pulled my top over my head and discarded my bra.

Although I did not know this girl, I felt so at ease with her.

She laid me back down and pulled away from me. I whimpered at not feeling her on my hands anymore, she pulled my pants down along with my underwear, so I was completely naked. She stood at the bottom bed and underdressed herself also. She then proceeded to crawl up the bed and up my body. On her way up she teasingly licked my extremely wet centre, a very hungry moan escaped my mouth again, she carried on north until she reaches my breasts, she wasted no time in attacking them.

She stopped and hovered over me, looking into my eyes with her gorgeous blue eyes, they were practically glowing, her leg was between mine and pushing against my core, I lifted my right leg up making mine push against hers. She lent down as she was about to bring her lips to mine her fingers suddenly entered me, she captured my lips at the same time. This was single handily the most sexual thing that has ever happened to me. "oh my god. Ahh, that feels amazing" I said though our kisses.

Wanting to please her I took my hand and brought it to her centre, I knew I was making her feel what I was feeling as her body reacted with mine as if it was meant to be together. The all too familiar feeling started to rise in my lower stomach, my toes began to curl, my body was tensing and I could feel her stomach on my arm become more tensed so I know she was close, our palms were rubbing on the outside as your fingers explore our insides. I was in heaven.

Our breathing became louder, our moans became huskier "fuck Emma, I can't last much longer"

"come with me now" she panted out. As if the heavens opened and the angels sang, my orgasm swept through my whole body stopping my breath, I quickly grabbed her body with my free hand and held onto her to tightly, I hid my face in her chest while our bodies shook together.

I have never come at the same time as someone before. There was something quite special about it. We lay there in this position for a good ten minutes, I didn't want to move. My body was still tingling, and my hand was awkwardly still inside her. I went to move ever so slowly away, she read my mind and brought her hand away from me. I shivered at the loss of her inside. She brought that arm back up and surprisingly around my body. Not really knowing what to do I just lay there. I heard her sniffing and felt a tiny drop of liquid run down my neck.

"are you ok?" I brought both my arms and held her close.

"that...that was the first time" woooooah was she a virgin?

"surely, you're not a virgin, that was way too good for someone that was a virgin" I jokingly said to try and brighten up her mood.

"no, I am not a virgin, it doesn't matter, I best go" she stood up quickly, then surprisingly I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back

"no, you are not going, please stay with me, talk to me" I don't know why but I knew that if she left, I would have wanted to cry, I would have been devastated.

She hesitated for a minute then came to lay back down. Suddenly she looked lost, she looked awkward, she looked broken again. "two minutes I am going to the bathroom" hold up.

"please don't take anything" I said to her "you don't need it, for whatever reason it is it isn't worth it, please" I begged

She knew what I was talking about instantly, she walked over to her jeans, pulled out a small bag and handed it to me "here, take it, I don't need it, I just want it to numb things" I took it from her hands, and she walked into the bathroom

What was this girl doing, what was going through her head? One minute she was angry the next sweet, I have never seen someone hand there drugs over so easily before. And when she said she didn't need but she just wanted it to numb things I believed her. But what did she want to numb. I was so confused.

She came back out the bathroom and back to the bed again looking slightly lost.

I moved closer to her and confidently pulled her into my arms. She began to sob her heart out, in turn my heart broke for her and tears fell down my face.

I just held her, nothing more, nothing less.

I knew in this moment I never wanted to let her go. I wanted to fix her, I wanted to protect her, well, I just wanted her.

I don't think I've ever felt a connection like it, and I don't think I will will again.


	23. Chapter23

I woke up the next morning alone, when I opened my eyes the memory of last night came rushing back. Her eyes, her touch, her tears. My emotions were heightened to its highest and all I wanted to do was to be with her again. I was upset she was not there when I woke up, she must have snuck out earlier.

I started to make several plans on how to find her, one was to go back to the club from last night, find the doorman, and demand where she lives, if that failed, I was quite prepared to camp outside the club until she came back. I was pacing around the room in a slight panic when the hotel door opened and in came Zel.

"wow, did you do the walk of shame?" she looked terrible, make up smudged, hair in a mess, she was carrying her shoes and had an oversized t-shirt on.

"I will have you know dear, Ashley dropped me off and the only walk of shame I did was through the hotel lobby to which a security guard stopped me. I had to convince the fucker that I was staying here" I couldn't help but laugh at her, she gets herself in some silly situations.

"well, how did your night go, judging by the state of you, you had fun"

"oh my god, I think I love her Regina, she is funny, beautiful, she has a body of a goddess, and I mean, the sex...Christ the sex was mind blowing!" her eyes were dreamy at this point. She proceeded to tell me about her night with Ashley. I am not going to lie it sounded like she wouldn't forget that night in a long time. All the while I couldn't get my mind off Emma.

"so, how was your night. Did you manage to get back ok?" I took a deep breath and told her everything from last night.

"oh my god Regina, you had sex with her? You never have one-night stands. In fact, I don't even know if you have had sex in Uni. Have you?

"that's not the point Zel, but no I didn't have sex at uni, there was something about her I was just instantly attracted too, now she is gone, I have no way of contacting her, my mind will not stop thinking about her. The thought of leaving here makes me anxious knowing I probably won't see her again" Zel came and hugged me, she knows I never like anyone, so she knows this must be a big deal.

She started laughing whilst she was holding me, I looked up at her "what's so bloody funny Zel, this isn't funny" she leant over to the bed

"Regina, you can be so dumb at times. Of course, you can contact her" she leant back over and handed me a piece of paper.

I took it from her and unfolded it.

I didn't catch your name, how bad is that? I do not normally do this with someone I don't know. But you are different.

Thanks for last night. Call me if you want to catch up again – Emma x

I couldn't believe my eyes. Her number was on the pillow all this time.

"So, what you going to do?" Zel looked at me with a smirk on her face.

"well I...I am going to shower get ready, call her and see her again" I made my mind up on the spot.

I quickly got showered, I felt like I was going on my first date, I was all giddy! Zel just sat back watching me with amusement.

"So where are you meeting her"

"oh my god I haven't even contacted her yet" Zel burst out laughing at me.

"OK, calm down Regina, you have been running around this hotel room for the last hour, sit down and breath, get your phone and call her"

I sat down and took my phone out, I took a deep breath and dialled her number.

"omg omg omg" I kept saying, it rang two times then she answered "HI, EMMA?" why am I shouting, Zel's eyes widened

"yes, this is Emma, who is this shouting down the phone" she giggled, aw her giggle is so cute

I cleared my throat, "yes, sorry for shouting, it is Regina here"

"who is Regina?" oh that's right she didn't know my name, I put my hand on my forehead. Zel was still laughing at me

"emm, oh from last night, you know, club, hotel, left her asleep this morning"

"ooohh my, how are you? I see you got my note" fully blushing down the phone I nodded my head. Zel waved in front of my face to remind me Emma couldn't see me.

"yes... yes, I got the note, look I don't do this sort of thing either. Do you want to meet me for breakfast?" it was silent for the longest time, I was beginning to think I read this all wrong.

"sure, want me to come get you from the hotel, I can be 15minutes?"

"yes, I will be at the entrance" mentally high fiving myself

"ok, see you then" I had the biggest grin on my face when she hung up. I quickly got my stuff together, gave Zel a hug and left to wait outside.

I was outside for about 10 minutes and she pulled up in a hideous bright yellow beetle. She beeped her horn, so I walked over and got in.

"Hi " she said while smirking at me

"hi back" I went all shy for no reason at all

"so your name is Regina, I think that's beautiful name?" she looked equally as shy and nervous.

"yes, thank you" I put my hand on her thigh and leant over to kiss her check but she turned her head at the last minute and our lips connected, that familiar feeling of electricity flowed from my lips to my stomach. Butterflies were loose once more

She pulled back and smiled at me "so I am going to take you to my favourite cafe, is that ok?"

I smiled back and nodded, we drove for about 20minutes and arrived at a very cute café. We sat on the sofas that were in the corner next to the window. We ordered coffee, I think we may have been too nervous to eat. We sat there and talked about each other lives. I found out she had studied at University, but she never really went into detail about what she did afterwards, I got the impression is a subject she wasn't comfortable talking about. I told her about my plans to move back to the US to start my acting career again. I am sure I seen a hint of sadness in her eyes.

"I don't know about you Emma, but I am really enjoying myself. I really hope you don't think I sleep with just anyone, that's not who I am. I really enjoyed last night. I enjoyed holding you in my arms afterwards too. I know this is pretty weird and pretty soon, but I really want to get to know you more" I said nervously

"me too, I am sorry for breaking down last night. I just have so much going on in my life. I am scared to let anyone in" she bit her bottom lip looking down to her hands.

I grabbed her hand and shuffled myself closer to her, so my legs were over hers. "you have nothing to be sorry for, whatever it is that you are going through. You never have to go through it alone Emma, and about letting anyone in. I think I have already stepped through your door and you have mine. This is crazy, right?

She squeezed my hand "yeah it is crazy, I want to tell you everything about me, I am just scared that you may run off"

"I won't I promise, I never run" I kissed her check to which she blushed "why do you have bruises on your body?"

She tensed up but I held her hand tighter "I get in fights a lot"

"why, that is dangerous"

"I want to numb the pain with another pain"

"what, the pain of drugs?"

"I take drugs to help me numb it also"

"I am confused, you take drugs and get in fights to numb the pain, what pain, did it have something to do with last night"

"yes, that is why I broke down last night. I have so much going on in my head and heart that I don't want to think about it, I know I have too, I know I have to face my past, my issues. I fight random people for the stupidest of reasons, someone looks at me in a weird way I start a fight, I kiss people that I know their partners can see, to start a fight. I take drugs to forget about it, I take my body to a different place, to forget" she literally just poured her heart out to me, I could only hold her hand and let her speak

"tell me, you don't really know me Emma, but I could possibly be the best person you could talk too, I won't walk away" We were silent for the longest of time then she begun to speak.

One thing I didn't want to do was pressure her into telling me what her issues were, I mean I only just met the girl, but when she began speaking, I was drawn in to every word

I sat there and listened, I did not judge, I did not cry, I did not ask questions. I let her get everything off her chest.

She was in tears by the end "it was all my fault"

Holding her tightly "it wasn't your fault, none of this is your fault, it was terrible terrible accident, I can't even begin to understand what you went through. But know this, I know it isn't your fault"

"I crossed the road Regina, I shouldn't have crossed the road, if I hadn't, she wouldn't have been killed. She was hit by the car because I crossed the road"

I didn't know what to say. As much as I knew this was an accident trying to tell her this won't make her feel any better. "look, no matter what I say you will not change your mind in it being your fault easily, let me be with you and let me help you in a way only I can?"

"I have gone down such a dark path I didn't think I would even want to come out of it, people have tried to help me, but I have pushed them away. Then last night, I handed over the drugs to you without questioning myself. I left this morning and went for a walk along the coast to think about everything. I feel this connection with you that I cannot describe" she sighed heavily "Regina, you are the first person I have been with sexual since Bella, I just couldn't stop myself, I was pulled to you. I have come close before but always freaked out and left. At one point, I was a mess last night, like I have been every night since I lost Bella, I couldn't get my mind off her. Sometimes the drugs let me think she is with me, sometimes it just makes me forget, last night I know I thought you were her at one point and I am sorry. I must have looked like a right crazy bitch. Then you held me, and I fell on the bed but all of a sudden my mind was clear when I looked in your eyes, I saw you and only you, and ever since I left you this morning, I was praying you would contact me. I haven't got you off my mind"

"there is no going back now, I am with you. I am not letting you go. Please do not say sorry anymore for last night as the truth is, I haven't slept with anyone in years, not because I never wanted too but because it never felt right. I have such a high sex drive but never act on it. I guess I was just waiting for the right time. That sounds cheesy right? Wow this is crazy, I've known you for what like half a day" we both laughed.

We continued talking for another few hours, we felt so comfortable with each other, the conversation was flowing. I was dreading having to leave as I was enjoying myself immensely. I knew she was hurting from what she told me about Bella. I don't know how she has come this far by herself, she really must have been at her breaking point.

"look I am not asking for a relationship, but let's be friends let's see where this goes. I can't help but feel stupidly attracted to you by the way" I told her blushing ridiculously

"I feel that too, and yes, let's be friends, I have to go soon my Queen" I shivered when she said that and also upset her was leaving "you like me calling you queen don't you" I nodded at her. She cupped my face and kissed my lips.

I loved her kisses. "I have to go back tomorrow, I really don't want to. But when can I see you again?"

"how about I come and visit you next weekend, plus if you want, I could see you tonight. Judging by what you told me about Zel she will be all over Ashley tonight?" I laughed at her knowing she was right

"OK tonight, and I would love nothing more than you to come and see me next weekend"

She dropped me back off at the hotel where I went to speak with Zel about tonight. I didn't want to scare Emma, but god I was falling for her, was this connection I felt love?

One way or another she has truly stolen my heart.


	24. Chapter24

The next few weeks were some of the best in my life, I got to know Emma on a massively different level from when I first met her, she came to see me a week after we met, one thing lead to another and she never ended up going back to Scotland, I didn't pry into it why she was so comfortable staying with me and leaving friends behind, she was a free spirit to which I have undeniably fallen in Love with. I haven't told her as I don't want to scare her off, I know she if fragile after what she has gone through, so I didn't want to push. We also haven't had sex since the first time, and I am starting to think maybe she might just want to be friends. I am ok with it for now as I knew she was still dealing with the demons inside of her. Plus is was great to get to know her without the pressure of sex.

There were few times in which we went out that she struggled, I think coming off drugs was harder than she thought. She told me she didn't have an addiction and she took them because she wanted to, not because she needed to. When times were hard, we left and went back to my apartment.

We spoke every night until early hours of the morning, about her life growing up, about mine and my acting career as a kid, she loved that I acted as she could tell how passionate I was about my future career, she always told me to follow my dreams as you never know what could happen around the corner. Emma told me about the fall out with her mother, that her mother had disowned her for being a lesbian. What mother does that. Let alone what mother doesn't reach out to their daughter after what she had gone through. It infuriated me beyond believe. She spoke about her best friend growing up, Killian who was starting out his career as a doctor in a hospital back in Newcastle, she spoke highly of him and mentioned she wanted to introduce me to him once day.

She always said she hasn't had a bad life, she was just dealt some unlucky cards. She was so strong, and I couldn't help but admire her strength.

There was always an elephant in room that we were scared to talk about. I was leaving in September but where does that leave us. I didn't want to leave her, I wanted to stay with her or take her with me, I didn't want to bring it up as I didn't know what she wanted, but I knew I had to talk about it sooner or later.

We were sat in my living room watching a terrible rom com film. She was leaning her head on my shoulder. I treasured these moments, she looked so cute and innocent, we were holding hands snuggled up

"Emma, we need to talk"

As if she knew what I was going to say, "I know we do" she signed and sat up.

"I leave in two months...I don't want to leave you" I whispered with tears in my eyes "I promised I wouldn't leave you, but I don't know what you want me to do"

She put her fingers under my chin lifting my head back up, so I was looking into her eyes. She leaned in and captured my lips with hers. I brought my arms around her neck and pulled her towards me. She pulled away resting her head on mine.

"I don't want to not be around you, you're my queen I would be broken without you"

"come with me"

"what?" she looked shocked

"come with me" I said again "please Emma, come with me, what's stopping you?"

"I, I don't know Regina, I mean how, what will I do. I can't leave the UK. I just can't leave her... I mean I can't leave here"

A tear escaped my eye and I stood up to go to the bathroom. I sat on the bathroom floor against the door and cried. I heard her walked up to the door, she tried the handle but I had already locked the door.

"Regina, please come out"

"no, just leave Emma, I can't do this now" I wrapped my arms around my legs and placed my head on my knees

"please I don't want to leave you, I care about you so much" she pleaded

"I can't do this Emma, its hurting me too much, I..I can't have your heart, it has already been taken" I whispered the last part

"that's not fair Regina and you know it, it is too soon"

"I am sorry, please just leave" there was silence for a few minutes before I heard her walk out of my apartment.

Two days, two days I haven't heard from Emma. I know I told her to leave but I wasn't expecting her to take it so literally. I was a mess, I was completely broken without her. I know it's only two days, but it feels like a lifetime. Zel has been calling constantly to which I have just been ignoring her. I feel so lost without her

Four days now with no word, I mean I haven't called her either, I was hurt, I loved her, and she didn't know it. I felt like she had all of me, but I knew I couldn't have all of her. I was being selfish, and I knew it.

One whole week and I was beyond myself. I was panicking. She must hate me, I am such a bitch for being so selfish. I missed her terribly, I know we didn't have sex since that night in Scotland, but I missed her kisses and hugs and falling asleep in her arms. I missed our long conversations that adorable voice of hers. I missed her company.

Oh my god what have I done. I was the worlds worse friend, wait was I friend? Argh, I was the world's worst person. I jumped out of bed, it was a Sunday afternoon. I ran to grab my phone, sighed when I had no missed calls. without thinking it through I dialled her number.

ring

ring

ring

ring

"you have reached the mailbox of Em"

I hung up and slowly walked back to bed in defeat. she hates me, I am hated. I am such an insensitive bitch.

Snuggling back in bed I heard someone knock on the front door. God give me a break I just wanted wallow into my own self-pity. Walking up to the door I opened it ready to tell whoever it was to get lost.

"Hi" I nearly flipping fainted, she was here right in front of me. She was wearing some VERY short sport shorts a training vest and her hair was tidied up in a messy bun "Regina, are you ok" crap she just caught me is checking her out, I snapped my head up to see she had a playful smirk on her face

Clearing my throat "did you get lost?" I said cocky back to her

"what do you mean?"

"well I know I told you to leave me alone, but I didn't expect you to actually fuck off" I obviously forgot about feeling guilty

"you told me to go Regina, what was I supposed to do. You hurt me, what you said stung, you know what forget it, this was a mistake" she turned around to walk away, hell no I can't let her leave again, I lunged forward and grab her wrist turning her around and threw my arms around her hiding my face in her chest.

"don't go, I'm sorry" the tears built up in my eyes I struggled to keep them from falling "I fucked up"

She pulled away from me and held my arms so that I was at a distance. "you didn't fuck up Regina, I just needed some time to myself, I am sorry I didn't call" then she brought me back in her arms.

"I missed you so much Emma, I have gone crazy with not speaking or seeing you"

"I am not going to lie Regina, I felt the same, look this is really hard for me, I didn't know how to take what you said. I've been enjoying spending time with you over the past month and you've helped me more than you know, but I didn't expect to feel this way about someone so soon after Bella and it has confused me" she dropped her eyes to the floor, I knew she was having an internal battle with herself.

"I understand, but seriously I shouldn't have said what I did, it was so insensitive, and I was being selfish" I knew I needed to just be honest with her, I needed to tell her how I felt, "I..I just kind of want you all to myself" she looked up to me, she brought her hand behind my neck and pulled me towards her. Our lips meet and I melted in her arms, my arms tightened around her waist trying to bring myself closer. The kiss ended as soon as it begun but smile graced my lips.

"you _should _have said it Regina, because it has given me the push I needed to move on, I will always love Bella, I can never deny that. I just need the person I want all to myself, like she wants me all to herself, to understand that. I _can't _have that said person being jealous of someone that isn't here anymore, do you think she would understand what I am trying saying Regina"

I looked deep into her gorgeous blue eyes and I knew I would be the dumbest person alive if I let her go now. I understood in that moment that Bella was going to part of our life's forever. I one hundred percent understood that. I one hundred percent respected that and I one hundred percent knew that all of me was all of hers.

"yes, I know for a fact she does"

I brought my lips back to hers and pushed the door shut with my foot. I pushed her against the wall and attacked her lips again, she lifted me up so that my legs instantly wrapped around her waist.

The next thing I knew I was being carried through the apartment towards my bedroom and thrown onto the bed, a sexy smirk formed on her lips. "about time" I said, I grabbed her arm pulling her roughly on top of me.


	25. Chapter25

A/N sorry for the delay in this chapter. As mentioned at the beginning of this story. I had written this story a few years ago with our two favourite ladies in mind. I was new the fandom so I was nervous to publish any kind of swanqueen back then, so this was published as a random story. With the support of a few friends I was encouraged to start writing swanqueen.

Now, I know I'm not the best writer, and I know there may be heaps of mistakes in all my stories but I just wanted to say thank you so much for reading and leaving comments, luckily, I've had no negative ones (so far) so it means the world to me. Enjoy the chapter :)

—-

The next thing I knew was being carried through the flat towards my bedroom and thrown onto the bed, a sexy smirk formed on her lips. "about time" I said, I grabbed her arm, so she roughly fell to the bed on top of me.

I rolled Emma over so that I ended up straddling her, we couldn't get enough of kissing each other, it was making me all hot and bothered the feeling of her under me, I needed some form of release, but the way we were kissing and our hands exploring each other's bodies I felt my orgasm rising inside.

"Regina sit up a minute" she said breathlessly I pulled away with my hands resting on her chest, slightly pouting having to be told to get off. She smiled at my expression "you are adorable Regina" she sat further up so that my arms were wrapped around her neck with our chests pressed together. My breathing was not calming down one bit, she had this unbelievable effect on me, I'm surprised I've been able to keep my hands off her for long. "I can't believe Ive gone this long without touching you again" I burst out laughing "what, why are you laughing?"

"great minds think alike baby" oh my god I just called her baby, her eyes widened slightly on hearing me say it "sorry I didn't mean to call you that"

"yes, you did, otherwise you wouldn't have called me it, also you must feel comfortable enough to call me baby, also, I fucking liked it baby" oh my god I lost it, I grabbed her neck and pulled her towards me kissing her again, I moaned in her mouth arching my back at the sheer amount I was turned on, Emma was so strong that she grabbed my waist and lifted me up in one movement so that I was on my back with her hovering over me, her arm muscles were so defined whilst she was holding up her upper body that I couldn't help but marvel at her. She leant down to lift my t-shirt up, she kissed my stomach which sent a shiver all over my body. I wrapped my legs around her body again, I just couldn't get enough of her. She pulled my shorts down, totally forgetting I had no underwear on, without any teasing she dragged her tongue the full length of my folds then circling my bundle of nerves, I arched my back again and let out a long glorious moan. She brought her arms under my legs and held my hips down with her hands. Again, she was so strong I couldn't move my hips. I looked down between my legs to see her working her tongue on my nerves whilst keeping eye contact with me, never once looking away.

God she is so beautiful, I held the back of her head, her hair tangled in my fingers. She brought one of her arms away from my hips and teased her fingers at my entrance, I didn't want to break eye contact with her, it was immensely sexual, it felt so intimate I was loving it. I lifted my upper body up so that I was holding myself up by my elbows, I couldn't keep my eyes off her, they were full of lust that it was making my heart burst through my chest.

I get lost in them every time I look into them, but this time, this time was different, there was something in her eyes I hadn't seen before, was it a reflection of what I was feeling?

She suddenly pushed two fingers inside, I threw my head back in pure bliss, she kept her fingers there only moving the tips of her fingers inside. My whole body shook with ecstasy, I brought my head back up, she had her eyes closed whilst licking and sucking my most intimate part of my body, she lifted her head up slightly and opened her eyes looking back at me, she smiled and stuck her tongue back out, I could see the tip of her tongue flick my nerves, it was as if she knew what she was doing to me, she kept me on the edge, I felt like I was balanced on a tight rope and either way I was going to fall, but my body just stayed in this blissful moment, I knew if I grinded my hips I would be thrown over the edge. She smiled at me as she was licking, the sweat was dripping down my forehead, down my chest, my chest was rising and falling so fast. My body was still shaking and shuddering under her touch.

I was in this position for what felt like hours when it was more than likely 5 minutes, if this carried on longer, I felt like I was going to black out, I needed release. Still looking into her eyes, I slowly began to move my hips against her mouth, with this movement her fingers started to slowly go in and out. There were so many emotions going through my body I felt like I was in heaven. Suddenly I felt the rush of my blood flowing through my body heading directly to my core, instead of tensing up my body relaxed with the most powerful orgasm I have ever felt, my legs fell to the side whilst I screamed her name, I held her head pushing her closer to my core, she didn't stop licking me and she never pulled her hand away, another rush went through my body as I came again and again, she put her other hand on my breast, squeezing and twisting my nipples, I couldn't stop coming, this was the most intense feeling of my life.

At this point I was lying on my back my arm was over my face, screaming and moaning her name, I possibly wasn't making any sense at that point. I was so lost in my heavenly world that I didn't feel her crawl up my body, her fingers were still inside me. I opened my eyes and moved my arm, she rubbed my check, it was then that I realised I had tears running down my face, I grabbed her face and kissed her, she was still moving her fingers and I felt another orgasm rise up, I held around her body so tightly, I guided my hand down her perfect stomach and under her shorts. I was excited to see that she was so wet, I immediately started rubbing her clit, she moaned in my mouth, our bodies were pressed together, she somehow managed to get my top off at some point, I kissed her breasts and brought her nipple into my mouth, biting and sucking her breasts, her body started shaking which only ignited my flame again, we both came at the same time, we kissed though-out the orgasm while holding onto each other.

When I came down from my orgasm, I rolled her onto her back, I pulled her shorts off and straddled her. Our centres pressed on each other's perfectly. I reached up and practically tore her vest off, we were both naked, I grabbed her hands and started to grind together.

Her body was one a goddess would be jealous of, she was gorgeous and to have her submitted under me was a sight I would never get sick of. I continued to grind on top of her looking into her eyes. Her breathing was becoming faster, and her hips were moving in rhythm with mine. It didn't take long for the feeling between us to erupt again. I flung my head back and arched my back as the last orgasm ripped through my body. I fell on top of her trying to catch my breath

She wrapped her strong arms around me and pulled me close, she pulled the covers over us and kissed my lips again.

I looked up to see tears in her eyes. She turned to look at me and smiled "I am not crying because I am upset, I am crying because that was the most amazing moment of my life, I never do that. I know it sounds stupid but it's like losing your virginity, I only ever wanted to that with someone I really care about"

I stroked her face and kissed her lips "I have to tell you something Emma"

She looked a little nervous, but I couldn't keep it in any longer, not after that, we didn't have sex, we made love

"I love you Emma, you don't have to say it back, I know it might be too soon, but I love you, I never loved anyone like this before, I want to be with you always"

"Oh Regina, I love you too, I think I have since the first time I saw you, I just needed to be sure, that's why it's taken me so long to be with you like this, I never want to let you go. That was the most amazing love making I have ever had"

I smiled widely at her. "funny enough baby, it was that good for me too, I love you"

"I love you too" she said and held me in her arms, we both feel into a deep sleep.


	26. Chapter26

It had been a week since we told each other we loved one another and we couldn't get enough of each other, we hardly left the flat and when we did, we ended up teasing each other so much that one of us begged the other to take them home. Yes, all week was spent under the covers, on the floor, on the sofa, on the kitchen bench, the shower, the stair case (yes that was fun). She was my drug I was fully addicted to her.

We managed to make it outside one afternoon, we knew we needed fresh air so we decided to go for a walk in the park. We sat down on the benches next to the playground watching all the kids and parents having fun.

"do you want kids?" she randomly asked

"well I mean one day sure, do you" it is always one of them questions that couples ask that could go either one of two ways

She smiled her amazing smile at me "yes, one day" I rested my head on her shoulder. We sat there for another half an hour before she suggested we go and get some food.

We went to a local Italian restaurant, it looked family run, it was small but very cute. They had random photos on the back wall of so many guests. "I wonder why they have all those photos" I asked Emma

"I don't know, but I would like to think of this as not a restaurant as it feels kind of homely, so maybe the photos on the wall represents family" she suggested

"CORRETTA" a lovely old lady stood behind Emma and placed her hands on her shoulders "welcome to my home, well restaurant but it feels like home yes?"

"it is beautiful I think it is my new favourite place" I smiled warmly at her.

We ordered some wine and ordered our food. "I feel very grown up in this place, I truly love it" Emma reached across the table for my hand, she also pulled my chair around, so she had her arm over my shoulders. I could feel the love radiating from her. I was so happy in this moment. She moved her head to look at me.

"I love you Regina" I melted for like the millionth time

"I love you too" she leant over and kissed my lips when I heard a click, I turned around to see the little old lady stood with a huge grin on her face fanning a Polaroid picture.

"ahhhh bellissimo, the best photos are the natural ones" she walked over to wall and put our photo up.

I had a huge smile on my face "I feel like family" I kissed her again.

That day was simple, but beautiful, it was in my top five, most favorite days in my life.

2 weeks later

"come on Regina, I don't want to be late setting off" she was shouting from the bottom of the stairs

"I am coming, give me two minutes" I quickly locked the door and headed downstairs, I burst out laughing at her, she had one of those top hats on standing next to our rented car, it wasn't a luxury car, it was small and was cute. She had a single rose in her hand and the other behind her back

"Madam" she bowed and opened the door

"why thank you my beautiful gentlewomen" I giggled getting in the car. We were heading back to Emma's hometown to visit one of Emma's friends, I knew this was hard for her, but she was also looking forward to showing me around, she was extremely proud of where she came from. I admired that about her.

The drive up wasn't so bad, we just laughed all the way. About thirty minutes before we got there, she pulled the car over.

She sat in silence for about 10minutes. I had a feeling where we were, I knew this is where it happened, where the worst night of her life took place, but I certainly wasn't going to say anything. I lifted my arm and held her hand, she looked down at our hands and a lone tear fell down her face. No words were spoken, there was no need.

She took a deep breath, started the car and drove off.

"KILLIAN" she shouted and ran into some tall well-built man's arms. A tug of jealously irrupted inside of me, I made sure not to show it though, they were only best friends after all.

"Emmabear" he called back, pet names?

"ah I've missed you, I want to introduce you to someone, Killian this is Regina my lady friend, Regina this is Killian my best friend, he is like a brother to me" I saw Killian face tense up at the word brother.

"so nice to meet you Killian, Emma has told me so much about you" try act genuine Regina

"I hope all good things" nudging Emma's arms "come on inside you too, I will get you some grub"

I looked confused to Emma "food, grub means food" honestly, I will never get use to their slang words

We ended up having some 'grub' then heading out to one of their local bars. I didn't like Killian, I got this instant vibe from him that made me feel uneasy, there was something about him I was unsure of, he seemed to be overly protective of Emma, I felt like I didn't have 5 minutes alone with her. It was starting to irritate me. We were in the bar for a few hours, I didn't say much I just let them catch up as it sounded like it had been forever since they saw each other. I was only drinking lemonade after a while, I felt like I needed to stay soba for some reason.

I went to the bar to get another round in, whilst I was at the bar, I turned around to look at them, Killian seemed to have pushed his chair closer to Emma. 'urgh' I thought to myself. I grabbed the drinks and started walking back over

As I was walking back over, I spotted Killian's hand rest itself on Emma's thigh, rage erupted in my chest, I accidentally on purpose may have dropped Killian's drink on the table resulting in the said drink to pour onto his crotch

He shot up so fast his stool fell backwards "argh, what the fuck bitch"

"KILLIAN, don't call Regina a bitch, it was an accident" Emma was quick to my defence

"that was no accident she totally did that on purpose" he snapped back while looking at me

"why would I do that on purpose" I was sniggering secretly inside but looking shocked on the outside, I knew I didn't like his hands on my girl, and I knew he wanted to be more than friends with her, he made that clear throughout the night.

"oh, come on Regina, just admit it, I've seen the way you have been looking at me all night, there is nothing but jealously in your eyes. get over the fact that Emma is my best mate, and we are closer than what you will ever be"

"woah woah guys come on, where is this coming from" they were both pretty drunk and I really didn't want to get in any arguments.

"look, I am tired I am heading back to the hotel, I will just leave you two to it" I started to grab my jacket and purse, Emma quickly stood up and held my hand.

"I'm coming with you, I'm not leaving you" secretly I was jumping with joy, but I did start to feel guilty, I mean they were best friends, I was being over dramatic.

We arrived back at the hotel and I apologised again to Killian, I really didn't want to be an issue for them, so I just sucked it up and moved on. He reluctantly accepted before saying goodbye to us. He pulled Emma into his arms and snuggled his face into her neck whilst looking over to me with a smirk.

'urgh, what a creep' I thought to myself

Emma was so drunk when we got back to the room, I had to help her out her clothes, not that I was complaining, it was any excuse to see her body, she was giggling for most of it which in turn I couldn't help but laugh at her. We finally managed to get into bed, and she snuggled into the side of me. She attempted to be all sexy with me, but I could tell she was far too drunk to even go past this point. I moved her onto her back and kissed her lips, she moaned in my mouth and held my waist. I rested my head on her chest and listened to her heart. her breathing was becoming more steadier and I could tell she was falling asleep.

A short while later she pulled her arm around me and kissed my head "I love you so much Regina, I am so pleased you found me and saved me" a small smile formed on my lips and I held her tightly.

"I didn't think I needed saving till I met you. I love you too"


	27. Chapter27

"oh my god, that fucking hurt" I lay on the ice holding my butt, I went down hard for the tenth time I'm sure.

"Aww baby, for an American you are terrible at skating" She laughed at me and held out her hand to help me up, I surprised her by pulling her down on top of me "no fair baby"

It was my turn to laugh "I know but I will make the most of any situation if it means you end up on top of me" I grabbed her neck pulling her close so that I could kiss her lips

"you sly little minx my queen, come on let's get you off this ice before you hurt yourself even more" Emma was amazing at skating, she lived next to an ice rink growing up so has always skated and played hockey, it was one of the most sexiest things I have witnessed when she first stepped onto the ice. Was there anything she couldn't do? She looked like swan but a tough swan, so much grace yet so much strength, I marvelled at her for about 10 minutes before I fell flat on my ass for the 1st time.

Today has been a good day, she took me all over her home town. We walked along the beach in the morning then she took me to her favorite bars in the city we ended up going skating in the afternoon. We had been in Newcastle for a few days now and thankfully only saw Killian once more since that night. We were now sat in another bar in the city that had these huge sofas, it felt like being at home.

"how come wherever I go with you, I feel like its home" she told me while holding my hand.

"I don't know but I was just thinking the same, I can't express how happy I am"

Honestly it was true, I beyond happy with her. I've known her for about 2 months now and I honestly don't know what I would do if she wasn't in my life. She may have come crashing into my life but I wouldn't change it for anything.

"I want to tell you something and I don't want you to freak out OK?" she looked serious, I am not going to lie I was a bit nervous, I nodded.

"don't look so scared" she moved a little closer to me "these past two months have been a huge eye opener for me Regina. I meant what I said last week, you have truly saved me. I guess I just needed that one person to make my balance become right again. I really didn't think I would ever get to this point in my life again. I mean I still have nightmares, I still have flashbacks, I still black out when I think too much about it, but it's so rare now I can't remember the last time, I thought I needed drugs to help me but I was so wrong, I haven't touched them since I met you and I haven't once felt the need. What I am trying to say is..."

she took a deep breath and I squeezed her hand

"...I don't want to be without you. But I have tried to come up with a solution as to what to do when you go back to America and if we can make this work, but long distance won't work Regina. I do not want to be in a relationship where I could only see you twice, maybe three times a year, that just won't cut it for me"

I had tears in my eyes, I knew this was too good to be true. I pulled my hand away and wiped my eyes "I understand" I choked out

"you do?"

"yes, I do, I mean I love you but I don't want to cause you any more pain, you have already been through too much Emma, I guess it was amazing while it lasted" I put my head down and the tears were streaming down my face

She burst out laughing at me, I looked at her confused "Regina, oh my gorgeous Queen. I said I don't want to be without you" she smiled and held my hand again "I have lost someone important before and there was absolutely nothing I can do about that, but, I can do something about this, I don't want to take anything away from my past, but I have never loved anyone as much as I love you, I know it is still early days for us, but I want to come with you. I want to come to America with you. Help you build your dreams I want to start a new life for myself, there is nothing stopping me, I cannot keep living in my past, I have to move on"

I was sobbing at this point "oh... my... god!" I threw myself on her and wrapped my arms around her neck "I can't believe this is happening"

"believe it my queen, it's happening, I have already started to look for jobs over there with sponsorship and I already have an interview next month for one of them, I mean I might not get it but it's a start, right?" I could tell she was having doubts about this job

"baby, it's OK, even if this is not the job you get, there are so many other opportunities for you, you're amazing, I love you so much" I held her again and kissed her so hard I am sure I bruised her lips. I looked at her, this girl that has been through hell and back, she was so strong, physically and mentally, It was amazing to able to call her mine. She had the most stunning eyes I have ever seen with a beautiful personality to with them. God I loved her so much "all this talk about love and commitment has got me all hot and bothered" her eye brow arched, I reached down her stomach and undid her jeans and brought my lips to her ear "are you going to take me back to the hotel or are you going to let me celebrate this amazing news right here, right now" she shivered as my hand went under her pants.

she grabbed my wrist and pulled it further in. I could feel her wetness straight away "here it is then" I threw my leg over her waist and straddled her on the sofa, I was grateful it was a weekday as I sure we would have had an audience. My fingers worked inside her as I brought my other hand to play with her sexy bundle of nerves. She put her head back and looked into my eyes, every damn time her eyes get me, "I want to do this to you every day for the rest of my life" I said to her, I know I still had tears in my eyes but I couldn't help but be fully aroused at this turn of events.

"I want that too" she grabbed the back of my hair and smashed her lips to mine, I'm sure I heard a gasp, but I chose to ignore it, I was in the moment and I was loving it.

She came within a matter of minutes, her body tensed up her eyes went to the back of her head and she held onto my thighs "wow premature much" she said with a laugh after she came down from her high. "right, you my sexy queen are getting taken back to the hotel...NOW" with that she stood up and literally threw me over her shoulder, I screamed with surprise. I would have been fully embarrassed getting carried out the bar, but I loved this playful side of hers. I saw the smirk the waitress gave us when we left. I wonder if it was her gasp I heard. Oh well!

I gave up fighting, I knew she was too strong, and I would never win. Luckily the hotel was only down the road, so she didn't have to carry me too far. She could pass as a fire-women with her strength, it turned me on so much when she displayed her strength.

She threw me on the bed when we got back in the room and hovered above me. "you my queen are one sexy little minx, I wasn't expected to be fondled in public, I am not a fan of surprises so for that you will be punished" I felt the pool between my legs grow, I needed her now I needed her inside of me, but she stood up. Walked to the other side of the room got a box out of the bag and walked towards the bathroom, she stopped placing the box on the floor, she came back over and kissed me hard, she pulled away when we both needed to breath. "if you could strip for me and lay on the bed face down, I will be back shortly" with that she walked off into the bathroom taking the box with her. Wow who was I to argue I quickly got up, threw my clothes off my jumped onto the bed. I looked up and she was standing at the door frame laughing at me

"oh, and keep your eyes closed"


	28. Chapter28

I was eagerly waiting for Emma's return from the bathroom, I lay face down on the bed after disposing of my clothes in record time much to the amusement of Emma.

I kept my eyes closed when I heard the bathroom door open. I heard her footsteps come closer to the bed, she giggled when she got closer "you couldn't wait to get your clothes off could you?"

"Sorry, you make me excited, I will easily do anything you say after agreeing to come home with me" I went to turn around but felt a hand on my shoulder keeping me facedown.

"not so fast my queen, you need to stay there for just one more minute" I felt the bed dip, she leant over my back and placed something around my head, I realised she was putting something over my eyes and then tightened it at the back of my head "now you can turn over and lay on your back" she whispered in my ear sending Goosebumps over my body.

I turned onto my back "did I ever tell you I am don't like getting blindfolded?" I said with a shaky voice

"tell me if it gets too much Regina, I will have it removed immediately" I instantly calmed down "trust me"

"I trust you, I know you won't hurt me" I didn't know where to put my hands, so I placed them on the bed at my sides

She leant back over me, and I felt her hot breath on my neck "hurt, well I can't promise this won't hurt, but it will be on the line of pleasure"

I gasped but she caught my lips with hers and kissed me with so much need, my worry was gone, I lifted my arms around her neck and brought her closer to me, I could only feel her upper body, so I was guessing she was still sat on the side of the bed. She left my lips and continued to trail her kisses along my jaw line then to my neck then down to my breasts, she teased the with the tip of her tongue "I...cant...wait...to...move...with...you" she said between kisses "you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen" she climbed onto the bed and placed herself between my legs. She continued to kiss my breasts. The sensation was electric, with no sight I could feel her every touch and it was magnified ten-fold

"I can't wait either" I was getting breathless and we hadn't even started yet

"you know, ever since I met you I wanted to make love you to, I wanted to touch you, I've wanted to make you scream my name, I have wanted you to claw my back" she was getting closer to my core kissing down my stomach "I love kissing you, I love your taste, I love you skin, I love this..." I felt her tongue on my folds then quickly left them and I groaned in frustration "patience my queen, I want to try something new"

"W-What do you want t-to try" god she could do anything to me if she wanted.

She brought her head to my core again and started to lick, suck, and drink my juices in a frenzied attack. I moaned her name out load and grabbed a handful of her hair. She held onto both thighs and spread them even further apart. She was relentless, she gave me no room to breath

"oh, Emma, please, too much" but I knew I could take it "oh, yeah, there right there" I felt her smile against me, she suddenly started to penetrate me with two of her fingers, I grinded my hips against her face and hand wanting more, needing more "HARDER OH MY GOD, FUCK, EMMA, IM COMING"

I shuddered and threw my head back into the bed hard, my whole body froze and tensed so hard I thought I was going to get cramp in my legs.

I came down from my orgasm and Emma's lips were still on my pussy, she licked one more time and crawled up my body. She kissed me hard and held my hands above my head with one hand. I felt her right-hand glide down my body back to my core "are you ready" she asked

"ready for wha...t" I felt her push something slowly into my centre

"are you ok?" she pulled my makeshift blindfold off my eyes, I squinted my eyes trying to focus, I looked into her gorgeous eyes and seen nothing but pure lust and love. I nodded and she pushed in another inch

"FUCK, why didn't I know you were wearing this" truth be told I was distracted with her mouth and hands.

"I love you Regina" another inch, I grabbed her arms "I want to give you everything" she pushed more inside "you are mine" oh my god she got me again

"please Emma, fuck me" she didn't have to be told twice, she thrusted the full length inside me. I looked up in ore, she was goddess like an amazon warrior, I could see her muscles in her arms, her abs we rock solid, I reached down and stroked her stomach. She lifted her upper body up and placed her hands on my knees, she spread them apart again and started working in and out "God, yours amazing" she brought her hand to my clit and starting to circle it.

She worked this position for a good ten minutes, going fast then slow, bringing the whole length out and slamming it back in again, she always had this gift of keeping me on the edge constantly, I was loving it. She lowered herself back over me, I grabbed her neck and pulled her close, I kissed her lips again, this was by far the most intimate thing we had done. She broke the kiss, her head was now at my neck and I could hear her moaning, I knew the strap on must have been rubbing her in the right spot, I started moving my hips to meet her, our moans became louder with each thrust. Our bodies were moving together, her whole body was pressed against mine. I could feel the sweat on her body mixing with my own, and it was turning me on even more

"oh my god Regina, I think... no... I'm coming"

This sent me over the edge "come with me baby" I said back

She went hard and fast and then we both tensed and screamed into each other's necks, holding on for dear life.

She held me for what felt like hours, she withdrew herself, took the strap-on off and threw it over to the other side of the room and held me close.

"god I fucking love you" she said in a whisper

"Good, because I fucking love you too"

It didn't take us long to fall into a deep sleep that night.


	29. Chapter29

It had been two weeks since Emma told me she was going to move with me back to the states, I was beyond excited. I have never felt so strongly towards someone in all my life. I loved her with everything I had, and I was so excited to start this next chapter in our life's.

She already had a couple of interviews at some consultancies in LA, one of which she felt she done well in. We were eagerly waiting for an email with feedback. If she got the job, she would be starting in October which gave us enough time to organise travel. My mom knew about Emma, she was happy that I was happy and offered for us to stay at her house until we found our own place. We agreed my mom would help manage my career and she already had a few auditions lined up for when we arrive back in September.

Everything was going great for us, Emma had arranged to go back up to Newcastle in a week so say bye to Killian. I knew it was going to be a difficult weekend as she was also saying bye to Bella, I never asked Emma about dates of when Bella passed away, but I was sure it was around this time of the year.

Although Emma was still loving towards myself, I couldn't help but feel that she was a little distant. I completely understood why, and I never once wanted to question her about it. I promised myself I wouldn't get in the way of her feelings for Bella, I knew she would always be in her heart.

We were currently sat on my apartment floor sorting through all my papers in time for the big move. "Queeeeeeeeeeeeeeen I am soooooo bored" she flung herself on her back with her arms above her head, she was so dramatic

"come on baby, I need to get this sorted, before you go back up to Newcastle.

"no, no, that is where you are mistaken" she sat back up pushing my shoulders down so that she is straddling my waist and now I was lying down "why don't you do this when I am gone, we could have some fun until I go" she bent down and started kissing my neck

"my god you are such a distraction" I tried pushing her off but again her strength and her utter sexiness stopped me. She laughed against our kiss which ultimately made me melt into her, I brought my arms around her neck and pulled her closer

It is safe to say I did not sort my papers out that day. The week was filled with eating, sleeping and 'fun'

The next week we were at the station saying goodbye, we had been joined at the hip for the past couple of months, I hated saying goodbye to her, I found it incredibly hard.

"ah come on Gina its only for a few days, I will be back before you know it" she looked a little sad, as if she wanted to say something but didn't.

"are you ok baby? You know you can talk to me" I brought my hand to her cheek and she moved her head into it.

"it's just, well, this is going to be hard for me, it is the first time I am going to be without you, and I'm scared of how I will be, I need to go and see Bella but I am so nervous"

"you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I didn't help you away from drugs or away from a downward spiral, you did that yourself. You believe me when I tell you that what happened in the past was not your fault yes?" she was looking into my eyes, she looked a little lost

"I am not going to lie, I know I am not one hundred percent there yet, but I am starting to believe it, I love you so much Regina, I didn't think I could be this happy again. You mean the world to me, I just wish you were coming" she sighed and looked back down

"why didn't you tell me you wanted me to come" I frowned at her "I would have come"

"I'm sorry, I just thought you might have needed some alone time, and plus I need to do this alone...I think"

The announcement for her train came over the speakers

"argh man, I don't want to leave you" she pulled me into a hug and kissed me hard. "I love you Regina, I will see you soon"

"I love you too Emma, have fun OK" I gave her one final kiss and she walked off towards the train.

I had a lump in my throat, suddenly I felt very anxious. Maybe I should have gone with her.

2days later:

Emma – 'I'm finding this so hard Regina, Killian is being weird too, I don't think he wants me to go with you, I just want him to be supportive and I just want to go home with you'

Regina – 'I have booked a train up, I'm on it now'

Emma – 'are you serious baby?'

Regina – 'yes, I don't like it that you're feeling like this. I arrive in 2 hours, so should be there around 8pm'

Emma – 'omg I love you. OK well I have to go see Killian at the bar, we need to talk because I want to know what is wrong with him, I will meet you at the station'

Regina – 'OK love you too, be careful'

I put my phone back in my bag, I booked my train early this morning, I have had an uneasy feeling since I left her at the station a couple of days ago. Although she has kept in touch with me these past few days, I can't help but feel her slipping away. So, help me, I will not lose this girl. She told me yesterday that it is the anniversary of Bella's death tomorrow. I decided then and there I will not let her go through this alone.

I arrived just after eight, I couldn't see Emma anywhere, so I tried to call.

Are a few attempts she finally answered, "baby where are you" there was loud music in the background

"queen, are you here?" oh god she was drunk

After a very hard phone call understanding what she was saying, I managed to figure out where she was, I went along the road to the bar she was in. I walked in to find some girl all over her, I could see that Emma was having none of it and was trying to push her away. I stormed up to the girl, grabbed her arm and pulled her away from her

"stay away from my girlfriend bitch" no one touches my girl, plus I was a little raged for getting stood up at the station

"I told you I was waiting for my queen" Emma walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, I loved her touch and shivered into her.

"Sorry, I thought she was messing on when she was saying she was 'waiting for her queen" with that she turned around and walked off. I turned around so I was facing her, I got hold of her arms and pulled them away from me.

"what the hell was that Emma, she was all over you, and why didn't you meet me at the station" I was obviously mad

"aww baby I am sorry, I lost track of time and as you can tell I am a little tipsy, she came onto me, I kept telling her I was waiting for you. Please forgive me" she gave me a look pouting, I seriously can't stay mad at her

"fine! Let's go" I turned around to get my bag and bumped in Killian, god I hated him.

"where are you going so fast ladies, we are drinking to honour our friend Bella tonight" handing Emma another drink

"don't you think she has had enough, and alcohol won't be helping her right now" I tried not to sound bitchy

"nonsense, Emma was the one that suggested this night, so I am holding her to it" he was leaning over and held my waist, I nearly vomited in my mouth

There was no telling Emma at this point, she was happy sipping her drink in the corner. She lifted another shot then drank that too, I could see the hurt in her eyes, but I couldn't do anything for her.

"hey baby" I said sitting next to her "are you all right?" I put my hand on her thigh. She looked up and she had tears in her eyes.

"I am finding it so hard to stay in control Regina, I want to forget" the pain behind those eyes were evident, I don't know what has happened in the past couple of days but she is not the same girl I left at the station, obviously being back here didn't do her much good "I'm so sorry, I don't want you to see me like this" she went to stand up but I quickly stood up with her and wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my head in her neck.

"come outside with me and get some fresh air" I pulled her outside then around to the side of the bar, I didn't want anyone to see her like this

"baby, I love you so much, I am not going anywhere and I don't care if you're happy, upset, screaming, crying, laughing, I don't care what emotion it is I will always love you, so please do not be ashamed of being who you are in front of me"

"I nearly relapsed tonight Regina, I nearly took these" I looked down and she had a bag of pills in her hand, I tried not to look angry or disappointed

"can I?" I put my hand out and without thinking she put them straight in my hand "why do you do this to yourself Emma, you know you don't need them. Where did you even get them from?"

"that doesn't matter Regina, I didn't take them. I promise. I was about too but then I seen your face in my mind, I knew how disappointed you would be, so it stopped me. I also remembered the person I was when I was on them. That wasn't me" she took a deep sigh and held my hands "I didn't take them, I didn't take them as I thought of us"

I emptied the pills down the drain, I turned back around and held her hips "you will always have me, there will always be an us"

"I need to go and do something now, then tomorrow I want you to come with me to see Bella"

"are you sure you want me there?" I was surprised she even suggested it

She held my hands "yes, I need to say goodbye and I want to start the next chapter with you by my side. I need this Regina. I am finally ready to move on"

"of course, I will go with you. I love you and I will do anything for you" she leant down and kissed my lips. This kiss was possibly the most meaningful, loving amazing kiss I have ever experienced. If I knew it was our last, I would never had let her go

"I will come find you later. Go get to the hotel and I will call you later on and meet you. Thank you, Regina, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, you're my queen of hearts" she said with a wink.

With that she turned around and walked down the back alley then vanished.

I didn't know at that moment my world was going to turn upside down, I didn't know that I had lost the one person I loved more than anything else in this world.

If I knew I would never have let her out of my sight that night, I would never of let her go. To this very day, my biggest regret was not following her.


	30. Chapter30

LA – Present time

I sat in silence for a long while after Regina finished telling me her story, I had dried tears down my checks and my heart was breaking. I couldn't even look at Regina in her eyes. I don't know how she managed to get through that whole story. The memories were slowly coming back to me. Although they weren't clear, there was a familiarity about some parts that were too real to be made up. I knew that everything she spoke of was true, I knew the love that she described was true. It felt like I was listening to a story I hadn't heard for years and small pieces were coming back to me slowly.

I finally got the courage to look at her face, she had her head down on her knees crying silently. I brought my hand up and touched her leg. She slowly lifted her head and my heart shattered into a million pieces. "my queen" I whispered

She gasped and broke down in tears again, "do you remember?" she said through her sobbing

"I do, not all, but I do" I moved closer to her and wrapped my arms around her small body "although what I remember feels like a dream it feels too real to be made up"

"what happened to you, where did you go, why did you leave, why didn't you come back" she was clinging onto me, she was truly broken. I pulled back so I was looking in her eyes.

"I don't know Regina, but I do know that I wouldn't have just left you, there has to be a reas..." I suddenly stopped, it was as if the air was sucked out of my body suddenly "...oh my god"

"what, what is it? She sounded worried but I didn't know what to tell her, I had an idea, but I couldn't be sure

"what happened after that night?"

"well as you know, our relationship was new so not many people knew about it, it was mainly my friends, so I didn't have a lot to go on. That night when you didn't come back, I had a sickening feeling in my heart. For the next few days I searched, I even went to where Bella died trying to find clues. Then I finally managed to get hold of Killian..."

"what did he tell you" I cut her off, she looked like she was going to explode.

"well, when I finally reached him, he, he told me that you didn't want to be with me anymore and that America was a mistake. He told me that you went to see him the next morning after walking around all night clearing your head and that if I were to contact him to tell you to move on with your life and that it would have been too hard for you to tell me. He made it sound so believable Emma, he told me you weren't ready, it was too soon after Bella"

I do not think I have ever felt so much hatred towards someone in all my life.

I completely lost it

"HOW FUCKING DARE, HE" I must of scared her as she jumped back into the seat but I didn't care I was raging "I COULD FUCKING KILL HIM, I WAS IN A DAM ACCIDENT REGINA, I NEARLY DIED" I took a deep breath trying to calm my heart rate, looking into Regina's eyes, I could see the fear behind them, I didn't want to scare her "I was in a coma for a two weeks, I apparently fell from a bridge and impaled myself on a metal railing" I lifted my top up to show her the scar on my chest, she stood up with tears in her eyes and held my chest

She wrapped her arms around me crying "he told me you left me" we were both shaking with a mixture of hurt and anger.

"AND YOU BELIEVED HIM, after what you just told me, you should have known I wouldn't have left you" I was beyond mad

"Emma please, I was broken, I didn't know what to do. At first, I found it hard to believe but the more time that went by and you didn't contact me or find me I began to believe him, I'm sorry I'm so, so, sorry please forgive me?" she was holding on tightly to me. I pried her off my body and pushed her away

"NO, I lost myself again, I forgot everything, I didn't know that I had already overcome my demons, I went back down to the bottom, I went to rehab. It took me years to pull myself through it. I can't believe you gave up on me. I can't believe Killian did this, he lured me into thinking I cared for him, that he was there for me and helped me mend" I whispered the last part

"wh-what do you mean you cared for him? Please, please tell me...please tell me what I'm thinking is wrong"

I hung my head down, I had tears in my eyes I was so mad, but I felt so stupid "you don't understand Regina, he was the only one that was there for me. I was lost. But now I feel so fucking stupid, an idiot, I feel used" I went to turn around "I need to be by myself"

She quickly grabbed my hand "Emma no, I am not letting you go again, I don't care about Killian, I could murder him also, but I got you back and I need you to stay with me"

She was right, I couldn't leave her again "OK I won't leave. But I do need to think this through. I need to speak to Ruby" I looked into her eyes and reluctantly pulled away from her. My heart was breaking and judging by the look in her eyes, I know hers was too, but I needed a moment. I needed a third person to lay this all out too. I was so confused.

I walked to the bedroom and dialled Ruby's number. It rang a few times until she answered

"Bitch this better be good, it's like 3am"

I didn't say anything but cried down the phone

"babe, what happened"

"I don't... I don't know where to start"

I sat on the phone with Ruby and explained what I had found out, there were plently of gasps, ooohs, and a lot of swearing coming from her end.

"what a fucking bloody arsehole" I could tell she was angry just as much as me. "Emma, you realise he is the reason you have been like this for nearly 10 years, he manipulated you, he used you, he made Regina think you left her. He made you think you liked cock, I mean eeewww what a bell-fucking-end"

"always one with words Ruby, but yes you are right. I cannot blame Regina, it wasn't her fault, but I need to confront Killian. I need to find out what really happened that night"

After I got off the phone with her, I walked back to where Regina was. She was curled up on the sofa with her head on her hands, she was fast asleep, by the look on her face she cried herself to sleep. I got a blanket and pulled it over her, I kissed her head "I love you" I said, I went to walk away, and she grabbed my wrist

"I love you too, I'm so sorry. Please stay"

"I am not going anywhere, I am with you always. But, will you take a trip me my queen"

She smiled when I called my queen "where do you want to go"

I took a deep breath "Home, I am going to find out what that bastard did"


	31. Chapter31

Regina managed to reschedule her filming, apparently the scenes she was supposed to film weren't due to be finished for another 2 months so they were happy to reschedule. This gave us another two weeks until she went back to work and to figure out what we were doing.

Ever since she told me about our past somethings were coming back to me slowly, however I was keeping my distance and keeping myself to myself. We hadn't had sex in a week, it wasn't because I didn't want to, I just felt so confused. This was a lot of information to take onboard.

Another name was constantly swimming around my head. Killian. I had picked the phone up so many times to call him and have it out with him but fundamentally I couldn't find the words. The best thing I could do was turn up on his door step...with Regina.

"so are you sure you want me to come with you" Regina asked for the hundredth time.

"Regina, please stop asking, I want you to come with me" we were sat at the centre island in her kitchen, all of our bags were packed, and we were due to be picked up in one hour.

"OK fine. I know it was a hell of a lot to tell you, but I can't help but feel like we have grown apart slightly, like your keeping away from me. You haven't even touched me in a week" I couldn't help but giggle at her "what's so funny?"

"sorry I don't mean to laugh at you, you just sounded so sex deprived" I burst out laughing at my own words.

"right, ok, you keep laughing then" she went to stand up and walk away but I quickly got up and ran after her, grabbing her shoulder to turn her around

"again, I'm sorry" I am still laughing but stopped when I saw that she isn't looking impressed one bit "look, seriously I don't mean to make you feel like that, I am just remembering so many things but things are still confusing to me and I don't want to confuse you too"

"I am not confused" she said with confidence "let me ask you something"

"OK" she held both of my hands

"so, you are remembering things right?"

"correct"

"You remember me?"

"correct"

"So, you remember how we felt towards each other?"

"I do" where was she going with this

"do you remember the night in the hotel room"

I gulped "uh huh"

"so, you remember how physically close we were?" she took a step closer, so we were inches apart. I couldn't say anything, so I nodded

"you remember how we made each other feel, how hot it was" she was leaning into my ear.

"you, you are not making this easy for me" I shakily said

"why would I want anything we do to be easier, where is the fun in that" she bit my ear, I shivered and then a moan accidentally escaped my mouth, I was kicking myself inside

"I am not confused Emma, I know how I feel about you and what I want, everything else doesn't matter, I will stand by you, until you figure it out. I always did in the past and I will now" she trailed bites and kisses down my neck then pulled back facing me. "you just have to figure out what you want" I was filled with lust, if my eyes could change colour they would have been black. I went to lean in, so our lips were barely touching "don't take too long though baby" she whispered, pulled away and walked out the room.

I had to put a hand on the chair to steady myself 'that cheeky little devil' I thought to myself

"come on, our ride is nearly here" she shouted through the door with a sexy smirk on her face.

"you are in so much trouble Mrs Queen!" I shouted and ran towards her. Her smirk quickly dropped, she squealed and ran through the house. I chased her into the living room, she wasn't very fast and had terrible co-ordination skills, I couldn't help but laugh at her attempts to get away from me. I caught up to her and spun her around from behind, so she was flush with my body.

I picked her up over my shoulder walking towards to sofa so I could threw her on the down, I gave her no time to collect herself as I jumped on top of her and started to tickle her ribs.

"oh no no no, please don't, I don't like it" she was screaming and laughing with tears in eyes "it's unfair, this is torture!"

"this isn't torture what you did in the kitchen is torture, say sorry and I will stop" I didn't stop my brutal assault on her ribs and now I was going for her collar bones. Such an easy pray

"oh my god, I am sorry, you are the best, I love you. You are the greatest thing on this earth" I stopped tickling her and raised my eyebrow

"wow I only asked for a sorry" smiling at her

"you forget I know you" she was panting "you wouldn't have let me go at sorry, you would have made me say all of that before you let me go"

I burst out laughing "yes, you are right" I leant over to her and captured her lips with mine. It wasn't a long kiss, nor did either ask for entrance. But it meant what was needed. I pulled away still looking directly in her eyes " I am not confused about you. I know what I want too. I just need to figure out stuff back home, I want you with me, but I need you to love me and understand 'we' need to do this"

She lifted her hand to my face "always" she pulled my head back down and kissed me again. I felt her smile into the kiss. Before it got heated there was a knock on the door. "must be our ride"

\--

We arrived back in the UK at seven thirty in the morning, greeted by a hoard of paparazzi, I let Regina go first and I followed behind. It was so cold. We booked a hotel in the city. We had discussed on the plane how we would approach Killian, we would go to Killian's house first thing tomorrow. If he was not there, then we would head to the hospital. One way or another I was going to confront him and find out what happened.

I couldn't see myself having any further friendship with him after that. I told Regina everything that happened with me and Killian after the accident, I was actually nearly sick twice telling the story. I cant believe I fell for his charm so to speak. Regina knew it hurt me to talk about him like that, as we were best friends growing up, she knew how much he meant to me before the accident but even Regina mentioned it didn't look healthy the way he was with me when I was with Regina. Surely, I thought he was only acting as a best friend would act, I was so blind.

We went out for some food that afternoon and some drinks. "this I where you told me that you were moving with me with America" Regina said when we sat on the sofas "I remember saying it felt like home here, but it was because we were together, this is also where I throw myself on you with utter joy and ended up giving you a mind blowing, and if I remember premature orgasm" she laughed and leant in to kiss me.

"I remember, I love that my memories are coming back, it's like every day I am falling in love with you all over again" it was true, I loved every minute with her.

I took a deep breath, not to ruin the moment "Regina, if I could go back in time, I wouldn't change what we have had but I would change that night I walked away, I feel like I have been given a second chance. If the 10 year offer still stands, I would still like to move with you and begin a new chapter, that is, if you would want me?" I asked a little sceptical.

"are you fucking serious, it has always been open for you" she squealed and wrapped her arms around me and held me so tightly. "god I am so in love with you"

"I love you too!" I pulled back and arched my eyebrow

"what's that look for baby"

" you are in the same position as the last time we were here"

We both burst out laughing. Just then a waitress passed and smiled at us

"I see you two still love each other as much as you did 10 years ago" she winked and walked off


	32. Chapter32

"I am so happy right now"

I am currently lying naked wrapped around Emma's body. It was like Deja vu today, being in the bar we were at 10 years ago, the only difference is that we both couldn't wait to get back to the hotel, we giggled like naughty teenagers running back here.

"me too baby, I am not going to let anything, or anyone stop me from being with you. We have our whole lives together you know" I was resting my head on her chest, I could feel her heartbeat starting to get more steadier after a very heated couple of hours.

"I do know, and I feel the same my gorgeous Queen" I held her tightly, I will never get tired of her calling me that.

"Wow it's just after eight in the evening. I have to make a call to my director shortly"

"that's ok, why don't I go have a shower then I will head out and get us some take out for tonight. Then we can stay in bed all night long" she wiggled her eyebrows at me

I shoved her off me laughing, she turned to me and pouted "aw I'm sorry baby, you know I can't resist your puppy eyes" I pulled her back to me and kissed her lips softy.

She pulled away and made her way to the bathroom swinging her naked hips, she looked over her shoulder "you 'coming' with me"

"you know it" I laughed and followed her in the bathroom

I stepped inside the shower and she followed behind me. She held my hips kissing my neck. I pulled my hair to side, so she had better access. She reached around from behind and held my breasts. I moaned at her touch. She sent electric bolts all over my body every time she touched me, I was amazed after all this time.

I reached forward and held onto the wall whilst her hand slowly went south passed my stomach, my breathing was becoming faster with the anticipation of it all. Suddenly she held my hips and spun me around. Her face was inches from mine, her magnificent eyes pierced into my mine and yet again I was lost in them. Our bodies were pressed together, I felt her heart beating faster against her chest. She captured her lips with mine like it was pure hunger. I wrapped my arms around her neck and hers around my waist. She pulled away and lent her forehead against mine looking in my eyes. "I will never get tired of kissing you Regina"

"good, because neither will I get sick of kissing you" she smiled and pulled me to her lips again. She started to kiss my jaw and then down my neck. I was on the edge again, the anticipation of waiting for her to reach her destination.

I let out a long shivering moan when I finally felt her tongue against my core.

\--

"OK, stop it Regina, I am hungry and the more you keep kissing me the more I will die of starvation" she was standing at the door ready to leave, I dropped my towel trying to get her to stay

I was laughing at her facial expressions, she was blatantly having an internal battle "then you will die a happy lady with my head between your legs"

"REGINA" she shouted, "my god you are going to be the death of me, what have I done to you, have I rubbed off all my dirtiness onto you?"

"har har, I just love your body Emma, you're so fucking sexy" I bit my lip and looked at her, I was aware I was stood in all my glory

"Fuck, not fair" she quickly shut her eyes and started to turn around "if I don't see you it will be easier" I burst out laughing and watched her fiddle with the door knob trying to escape. I quietly walked up behind her and whispered in her ear

"hurry back baby, I will be waiting for you"

I heard her mumble to herself and left the room. I laughed and turned to grab my towel. She burst back into the room giving the shock of my life grabing my face in her hands and kissed my lips hard, she ended it quick "I love you" and then she ran out the door.

This time I made sure she was gone so I didn't get a surprise.

I went to put my robe back on, I was about to dial my directors' number when there was a knock at the door. I thought it would have been Emma, so I thought nothing of opening the door.

I wasn't expecting who was standing in front of me, I felt the color from my face drain, my heart was beating so fast I didn't know what to do. So many things went through my head at this point. "what the fuck are you doing here"

"I could ask you the same question love" he said in such a hateful way "I seen in the paper you were in town, and you see I couldn't help but pay you a friendly visit, it's been so long since I last seen you" he took a step forward, so I closed the door a little further stopping him "ah you not going to invite me in"

"no Killian, I don't want you to come in, how on earth did you find me" I was scared but I didn't want to show it. This is a man that manipulated Emma, who knows what he is capable of

"does it really matter how I found you?" he put his hand on the door and started opening it "me" he was too strong I couldn't keep it closed "and you are going to talk"

I stumbled backwards into the room. I was suddenly aware of how vulnerable I was, he was a big man. Full of muscle and he towered over me. I kicked myself internally for only wearing this dressing gown. He looked me up and down and had an evil smile on his face, it made me feel sick with fear.

"then again, I might not want to talk" I froze, I started to panic as he came closer towards me. I managed to keep the distance by walking backwards around the room

"ah come on Regina, you know you want this. Even if you don't, you're an actress. Act!"

"NO, I don't want this, I will never want this. You came to talk now talk" I was still trying to not act so scared

"OK, I will talk for a little bit. Why are you here"

"why do you think" I answered back

"are you with Emma?" he looked at me with so much hate in his eyes "I mean if you are with Emma that is just not acceptable"

I didn't know how to answer it, I wanted to protect Emma, I didn't want her hurt "she doesn't remember me so how can I possibly be with her"

"I know she doesn't remember you. I made sure of that" My heart stopped

"W-What do you mean you made sure of it?" he sat down on the chair and started laughing so hard. I was so angry at this point

"she doesn't remember you as I made sure I erased you from her memory, I mean who would have thought she would have survived that 'fall' from the bridge" he continued to laugh, but he suddenly stood up and quickly walked up to me grabbing my arms tightly. I could now smell the alcohol on his breath "she was supposed to be mine you bitch" he spat in my face. He threw me to the ground and stood over me

"she was mine from day one, and when she got with Bella, I thought all was lost and then that bitch got herself killed I knew I could make her mine. But low and fucking behold she found you" she spat over me

"you can't make someone yours you bastard" I shouted at him. He kicked me in the stomach hard, immediately knocking the wind out of me

"oh, but I can, and I did. The night she fell, I was with her" I looked up and seen the smirk on his face "I followed her from the bar after she left you. I caught up with her to, well you know, make sure she was OK"

I was still catching my breath, not believing the words that were coming out this mouth. Tears were streaming down my face

"I told her I loved her, I could have given her everything, she wanted me, I always knew she wanted me, she was just in denial, going through a phase" he was mad

"you are fucking crazy Killian, what did you do?" I struggled to breath

"me, what did I do? Nothing, she just fell off the bridge" he burst out laughing... "with my help"

I completely lost it, I jumped up and slapped his face. I kept clawing at his face. I knew I couldn't hurt him too bad he was too strong he grabbed around my waist and threw me on the bed ripping my dressing gown off

"no, no, no, no please don't do this" I was fighting to get off the bed, but he held my hands above my head, I tried kicking him off, but it was no use he was just too heavy

"you know, I thought she died but when she woke up shouting your name, I had to do something" oh my god she did remember me "I told her she was being crazy, and she doesn't know someone called Regina, and because the state of what her brain was in from the fall, I easily convinced her. She forgot you. She never loved you. IT WAS ME SHE LOVED" there was venom in his voice, his spit was dripping down his face. I was going to be sick, the weight of his panicking me, he was too strong.

I was screaming, tears were running down my face. She brought his lips to mine, I bit his lip and spat in his face. He held both my hands with one hand punched my face with his free hand

Everything was a blur, I was screaming at him to get off, my vision was becoming more blurry, it felt like a dream this can't be happening to me. He reached down and I realised he was unzipping his pants. He took his member out as I looked down. "please no no no please Killian, don't do this"

"SHUT UP YOU BITCH, YOU WILL GET TO FEEL WHAT EMMA LOVED" he hit my face again, I tasted the blood in my mouth almost instantly.

I suddenly felt his arm lowering down between our bodies, he brought his other hand to my neck and started to strangle me, I desperately tried to pull his hand away from my neck. I started gave up, it was like I was looking from the outside in, I couldn't fight anymore my vision went black and the last thing I remember was tears rolling down my face and the sudden weight of his body on top of mine.

—-

**A/N for all you fact police that may be investigating the writing, I am not medically trained so I don't even know if it's possible for someone to lose their memory like that. But for the sake of the story let's pretend it is :) hope you're all enjoying the story. Only a few chapters left! **


	33. Chapter 33

**Emma's POV**

I was running back to the hotel room, let's face it, I hated being away from my beautiful Queen. I was so unbelievable happy. Everything was falling into place with me and Regina, I couldn't believe I could have ever forgotten her. I called Ruby on the way to the take away and told her we would come and visit this week before we went back to America. I was so excited. Ruby was unbelievably happy for me she actually cried on the phone. I called her a soft shit when she cried, and she called me an insensitive prick in return. I don't think our friendship will ever change.

I got back to the hotel and made my way up to our room. I got Regina some flowers on the way to the take away also. I knew I was being a soppy bitch, but this is what she has done to me.

I made my way into the room and I heard muffles noises coming from behind the door, I thought it would have been Regina still on the phone to her Director, so I came in as quiet as I could.

What I saw absolutely broke my heart. In the spilt second before I could react there was my everything lying on her back half naked her eyes were at the back of her head as a hand was wrapped tightly around her neck. I quickly noticed he was putting his hand towards his member and was about start to push towards her. I quickly grabbed the phone off the table and ripped it out of the socket the sound must of alerted the rapist as he spun his head around and looked directly in my eyes, my body stopped momentarily, I was shocked beyond belief, I seen a hint of a smirk on his face and as if in slow motion he turned back to face Regina and looked down at himself, no way was I going to let him put that anywhere near her, I swung the phone as hard as I could to the back of his head and he fell instantly on top of her. I pushed him off and pulled her from under him. She was unconscious, my whole world seemed to have stopped. Dread slowly consumed me as I feared he had killed her

The next few minutes was a blur, I rang 999 in a panic. The police and ambulance were on their way, two security guard from the hotel burst into the room a moment later. One covered us with a blanket. I was holding my angel in my arms, I was in tears, her neck was so red, and I could see the bruises he had inflicted on her

"please don't leave me, please not you, not again, I can't lose you again" I was whispering to her.

The paramedics turned up and started to work on Regina, I sat with my knees up to my chest the tears were streaming down my face. I heard the paramedic say there was pulse and she was going to be ok but I was in a state of shock I could only feel the tears run down my face and nod in return

The other paramedic looked over Killian as he was starting to wake up, but the police quickly restrained him. He was taken away by the paramedics and escorted by the police.

I had so much anger boiled inside toward him. I hated him. How could he do this. My fists were clenched so hard I felt my nails pierce the palm of my hands

"Miss is this your phone" one of the police officers showed me pulling me out of my haze

"no, it is my girlfriends" I sobbed through tears

"I need to take this for evidence, is there any numbers you need from it before we take it"

"yes… yes, I need her mom's number" the officer quickly held the phone in his gloved hands and managed to retrieve the number for me "why do you need it for evidence" I took the number from him and he put the phone inside a bag

"it looks like there has been a recording made, we need to take it and listen to what has been recorded" the police officer walked away along with the phone.

I left to go to the hospital with Regina, I didn't know what was happening to her or what state she was in, I just hoped she would survive that's all I cared about. Even though the paramedic told me would be fine, I still couldn't not think of the worse.

I called Regina's mom straight away, after a few awkward minutes of tears and anger she told me she was getting the next flight and that she will call me when she landed. I also called Ruby to which she was already on her way to the train station by the end of the call.

When we arrived at the hospital, I was told I couldn't go further as they needed to take Regina into the emergency ward. I felt my whole world crumble around me. This was all my fault.

I was now all alone. I wish I could take the pain away for her. It was in this moment I knew I would do anything for her. A nurse came over to me and knelt before me. She placed her hand on my knee and I looked up.

"was that your girlfriend, do you want to sit in a private waiting area?" I looked up and realized it was my mother in front of me. I haven't spoken to her in years I just burst out crying and she pulled me into her arms.

"come on Emma, let's take you in this room" she led me into the room and sat next to me, I was sat with my mother's arms wrapped around me, I was heartbroken. We didn't speak for the longest time until she spoke again "I am sorry Emma, what I done to you was unforgivable, I hope one day you can forgive me, but please know that I have never stopped thinking about you. I tried so hard to reach out to you soon after we stopped speaking, I realized my mistake, but I was told you wanted nothing to do with me. I am so sorry, and I know this isn't the time or the place, but you are my daughter and I will always love you"

I didn't know what to say until it dawned on me what she said, "I didn't know you reached out?"

I looked up at her and she looked shocked "but I did, I have never stopped trying to find you, but your friend Killian always said you didn't want to hear from me, I seen him in the hospital many times, even when you were on the ward he wouldn't let me near you as he said you didn't need the stress"

I shot up so fast "that FUCKING bastard" my mom stood up trying to calm me down "I never knew mom, if I did, I would have wanted to see you. I needed you so badly in the past" I was shaking with rage "I can't do this right now I need to know if Regina is OK"

"I will go check for you" she hugged me "stay here ok, wait here I will be back"

She came back about ten minutes later "sorry poppet, no news yet" I smiled at my old nickname, but it quickly went as I looked back down placing my head in my hands "come on, tell your mam all about it, I want to know everything"

"I don't know where to start"

"how about at the beginning darling, I've missed so much I want to know all about my daughter's life"

And so, I did, I told her everything from Bella dying, to going off the rails to meeting Regina and everything that happened with her. I told her about my memory loss, I was smiling when I told her the way myself and Regina met again and how Regina wouldn't give up on me. I told her everything that happened with Killian. I couldn't help but break down at this point. The person I trusted since I was young, the person who I thought was always there for me. He has hurt me beyond forgiveness, I have never felt so dirty, so sick in all my life, he has made me waste so many years, but all this must not compare to what he has done to Regina. He tried to rape her. I just can't get my head around it.

My mother has tears in her eyes and held me so close. Exhaustion took over and I ended up drifting off to sleep in her arms

_"Emma, wake up baby" I opened my eyes slowly but all around was white, at first, I thought it was a light shining into my eyes, I squinted trying to focus until I seen a figure walk towards me from the distance._

_I stood up rubbing my eyes trying to make out what or who it was, as they were coming closer, I realised it was a girl, she was dressed in all white. I suddenly started to panic wondering where I was, had I died, this place is too surreal to be real. Oh my god I am dead. How did that happen. I am sure I was just sat with my mother._

_I closed my eyes again trying to wake up when I felt a hand on my arm. I felt a sudden surge of calmness seep through my body. "Emma, it is OK, you are safe" I opened my eyes slowly and I couldn't believe the sight before me._

_I stood in complete shock, my eyes widened the more I stared at her, after the shock started to wear off I wrapped my arms around her pulling her close, tears fell down my face_

_"Bella" I whispered_

_"Hi Emma" she whispered back_

_I pulled away to look at her, she was so pretty, she looked so pure like an angel "am I dead" she giggled and cupped my face in her hands making me take a deep breath as if she was calming my whole world around me_

_"no Emma, you are not dead"_

_"am I dreaming?"_

_"you can make this whatever you want it be Emma" she never once looked away from me, she held my face in her hands looking at me with so much love it was overwhelming._

_I started to sob, "I'm so sorry Bella, this is all my fault, I am the reason you are here and not alive" I pulled her close again "I should never have argued with you. I should never have crossed the road. You were too young and beautiful to be taken from this world"_

_She stroked my back to calm me down "Baby, none of this is your fault, it was my time to go. No matter what or where I was it would have been my time. I am just grateful my last moments were not alone, I was with the one I loved. You were my true love Emma" I smiled at her words_

_"I didn't even get the chance to tell you how much you meant to me"_

_"I know how you felt, you didn't need to say it. But I'm breaking all the rules coming to see you" she giggled again "you must stay strong for me, for Regina, we both love you so much and you are never alone, please do not ever think you are alone"_

_"but I could lose Regina" I sighed and pulled away "I feel like I never deserved either one of you, so many bad things have happened I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to be another reason for someone to be hurt"_

_"are you kidding me? Do you know how special you were to me? I can see how much you love Regina you would never hurt her. And I have seen how much she loves you. You two were meant to be" tears continued to fall from my eyes, Bella was always so calm, always knew the right things to say_

_She lifted my chin, so I was looking in her eyes again "you have to forgive yourself Emma, you need to move on. Regina is the key for you, you are the key for each other. YOU were my key, you made me so happy Emma. Please take this with you. Always know that none of this was our fault and that I will always love you"_

_She stepped towards me and kissed my lips. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her, I even smelt her perfume I was always so fond of, she felt warm, safe, she felt like a home I was coming back to from being away for so long._

_"I love you Bella" she smiled and kissed my check_

_"and I love you Emma" she winked at me and closed her eyes_

_She opened her eyes again she smiled and held my face "now go be with your girl"_

I suddenly woke up with a shock. It was all so real, I lifted my hands to my face and could still feel her hands. I sighed and smiled at the feeling.

"goodbye Bella" I whispered to myself

_**A/N**__ now, I know you all may feel a little in different to the Bella scene, however, I lost someone very special to me the same way that Bella was taken from this world. I very much experienced the same event as what I have written Emma to experience with Bella. It was by far the hardest thing I have had to go through. For more than 14 years I have wanted to write my story, although this is not based on my life, the events I have wrote about of drugs and alcohol to take away my pain is true. I wrote this part with Bella based off a dream I once had with my girlfriend, I felt like I was able to let go slightly, that she actually did visit me in my dreams. I'd like to think this was the case_

_I also wrote this in the hopes of helping others that may have lost loved ones, you can go through hell and back but always remember there can always be good moments ahead. Never give up_

_Two more chapters left I think. Hope you all enjoy ?_


	34. Chapter34

Emma POV

After that dream, I decided I needed some fresh air. I told my mother that would be back shortly. I could tell she panicked a little, but I reassured her I was coming back. I gave her my number so that seemed to calm her down a little.

It was three in the morning and the last I heard from the doctors is that they were keeping Regina comfortable, but she s was still unconscious. I begged my mother to let me sneak in to see her, but it was impossible as there was doctors and nurses around her constantly.

I was sat outside the hospital looking up at the stars. I kept thinking about the dream I had. You may call me crazy, but I knew it was Bella that came to see me, where she came from or how it happened, will forever be a mystery to me. But to smell her perfume to feel her touch, to feel her embrace and to taste her lips was all too real for me to think otherwise. When I had woken up from the dream, I still felt her hands on my face. I missed her every day and I will miss her every day for the rest of my life. Then it suddenly dawned on me that I finally felt free, I finally believed that it wasn't my fault, it was overwhelming to feel what I was feeling in this moment I couldn't help but cry. I had lost one of the most beautiful ladies in my life that night, but I felt truly honoured that I had been involved and part of her life.

I heard fast footsteps approaching me, looking up I seen Ruby running towards me. she looked like she stepped out of the 90s she had some flare type jeans on with a vest and bomber jack on with some sort of flat cap on her head, I couldn't help but smile at her thinking she likes to change her style more than her knickers. Just before she got to me her flares got stuck under her shoe, she went flying forward like damn Supergirl landing at my feet. For some reason I couldn't even ask if she was OK, I had literally stopped breathing for laughing so much.

"ooouch, fuck my arm" I had my hand to my mouth trying my hardest not to laugh "stop laughing Emma it's not funny, how fucking embarrassing was that?" She practically screeched in horror. It wasn't really a question, but it was a statement, let's face it I would have ran off embarrassed

"come on, you have fallen in the right place I guess" pointing at the emergency entrance

"har har you little fucker" she wrapped her good arm around me "are you ok chicken" she whispered

I nodded and held her tightly "I am, let's get you inside, and thank you for making me laugh"

She pulled away and bowed her head "ooft shouldn't have done that I feel a little dizzy" I couldn't help but giggle at her and got her inside.

After being over dramatic and possibly pissing off the staff, she finally got taken in for an x-ray only to find out her arm wasn't broken.

We went back to the waiting room after they strapped her arm in a sling. I messaged my mother to let her know we were coming back. When she walked in, I introduced Ruby to her and to my surprise they got on like a house on fire.

We sat and talked for a couple more hours, I was getting more impatient as time went on. I think I drank about 4 coffees in 2 hours which did not help my nerves. Every time the door opened, I wished for it to be the doctor with some news. It was killing me inside not seeing her.

Finally, the door opened.

"are you the girl who brought Regina in?"

I stood up quickly "I am, is she OK?"

"she is sedated for now, she is going to be OK, but Unfortunately I cannot go into much into detail as you are not a relative"

"she is her fiancé Dr Robins" my mom spoke up.

Without breaking eye contact "I am, yes, I am her fiancé, please let me go and see her" I heard Ruby shuffle beside me, she was terrible at lying so I knew she was trying to avoid the doctor's eyes

"OK, give me some time and I will make sure she is up for visitors" she sighed and walked out of the room.

"I can't believe you said that mom" I looked in her eyes

"well I will do anything for you, and judging by the way you spoke about her earlier, I wouldn't be surprised that she would be your fiancé on day "

I blushed at her and gave her a hug "thanks mom"

I sat back down, feeling excited that I was going to see my girl

I was finally able to go and see Regina, I was nervous as hell. I was scared to see her, I was told she would be ok but fundamentally I was worried that she would blame me. I mean she would never have been in that situation if it wasn't for me. I introduced Killian to her for crying out loud. He nearly took something from her, we were lucky I got there in time. But again, it shouldn't have happened to begin with.

Ruby and my mom waiting in the room to give me some time with her. I walked towards her room, my hand was sweating and I was shaking with nerves. As I approached the room Dr Robins came out.

"Is everything ok, am I still allowed to go in"

"She is starting to wake up, so please try not to overwhelm her. She may have some difficulty speaking due to the injury on her throat" I shuddered thinking about her pain, Dr Robins must have noticed as she put her hand on my shoulder "it's OK, she is ok. She may seem a little out of it due to the drugs in her system, she won't feel too much pain now"

I nodded and thanked her. I pushed the door open with my eyes glued to the floor I walked in and shut the door behind me. I was scared to look at her. I turned around and lifted my head. My heart broke. She was lying down with an oxygen mask on her face. She has a drip in her arm and a few machines were beeping around her. Her eyes were closed so I'm guessing she fell back to sleep.

I slowly made my way over to her side. I pulled a chair close to her, trying my hardest not to make a sound to startle her. I held her soft hand in mine.

"I'm so sorry Regina" I whispered and kissed her hand. I felt her fingers squeeze my hand. I looked up to see her eyes fluttering open. I stood up so she could see me without trying to move her head. I looked into her beautiful eyes and a tear fell from them. I wiped her tear away and kissed her forehead. The corner of her mouth turned up into a smile and I swear it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

She made a small noise from her throat, I knew she was trying to speak

"Shh baby, don't try and speak, just rest your voice for now" she nodded so slowly. I breathed a sigh a relief.

"My god Regina, I don't know what I would do without you, I'm so sorry this has happened I hope you can forgive me" she just stared into my eyes squeezing my hand, I'm presuming to let me know she was listening.

"Ruby is here, she made quite the entrance, she fell ass over tit as she was running towards me outside, she sends her love along with a boob squeeze" I felt her giggle but also seen her face scrunch up in pain

"Sorry baby sorry, I don't mean to make you laugh in pain" squeezing my hand again. I didn't know if to mention Killian or not but the doctor said to try not to overwhelm her, so I decided it was best I didn't.

"Oh just in case you're blindsided later, my mom told the doctor I was your fiancé so I could see you" I giggled to myself and realised what I had actually said "I mean not seriously of course, not that I'm saying I wouldn't want to be your fiancé, I mean if you do I do, wow I mean ok" I was blubbering out in a panic, I looked back up to her to see her smiling. I relaxed after seeing her smile

"You know I love you, you're my queen and I would love to marry you one day" I kissed her hand again "no pressure, I need to ask you right anyway right" I said with a wink.

Her eyes started closing again and I knew she was falling back to sleep. "Get some rest darling, I'll be here when you wake up. I love you"

I sat with her for another few hours whilst she slept, I could see the sun coming up realising we had been here all night. A nurse walked in to do some checks, so I went out to see Ruby and my Mom.

Ruby was passed out lying across four chairs in the waiting room. I sat next to her and lifted her head on my leg. I sat there for a while stroking her hair until my mom walked in with two police officers.

"Hey poppet, the police are here to speak to you, are you up for it?"

I nodded and they sat down with me

"Is she OK" pointing to Ruby

"Yeah, she is OK, she will sleep through anything. Anyway, how can I help you"

"We just wanted to come and take your statement, I understand we can't see Regina yet but to be honest she was more help to this investigation than I think we all first realized"

"What do you mean" I said confused

"Well as you know we found her phone in the hotel room, there was a recording on it and when we arrived it was still getting recorded. Our team at the station have listened to it and it looks like Regina pressed record on her phone whilst Killian Jones was with her" I looked at my mom and she had the same expression on my face

"I don't understand, what does this mean"

"It means that Killian will be locked up for an extremely long time, not only did we get a confession out of him but also the whole attempted rape was recorded also" I cringed hearing those words, I don't think I'll ever get over this.

"What confession" I was beyond thrilled he was getting locked up, but I still didn't understand the confession.

"That's why we are here, can you remember your accident in 2007?" The officer asked me

"Truthfully that's the one thing I can't remember, I know I fell from a bridge and ended up losing my memory" the wheels started turning in my head "wait, did he have something to do with it"

"Yes, he confessed that he pushed you in so many words, he was with you that night. The recording tells the full story. He also confessed to manipulating your memories, being a Doctor, he knew what he was doing. Also, his house was raided this morning and it seems he had quite the obsession with you, you are extremely lucky to be alive"

I sat there in disbelief. My mom broke down in tears and ran to my side. I felt Ruby's arm go around my waist, I wasn't aware she woke up.

"I'm sorry, but if it wasn't for your fiancé, he would have possibly gotten away with it"

Oh my god I thought to myself, how could I have been so naive.

We ended up talking to the police officers for another hour, they took my statement and I pressed charges against Killian. There was no way he would ever hurt me again or anyone else for that matter. He kept so many people away from me, I was just so grateful it was over and so grateful Regina recorded it all.

It was ten in the morning when I was allowed back in Regina's room.

As before, I sat down next to her and held her hand, she opened her eyes and a small raspy voice escaped her throat

"Hi"

"Hi my queen" I smiled at her and a small tear escaped my eye

"So.." she said "you're speaking to your mom"

I laughed "that's the first thing you wanted to say" she laughed along with me and nodded. It was still a little difficult for her to talk.

We sat and made small talk for a few more hours. Ruby came in and the first thing she did was go to squeeze her boob, I nearly jumped across the bed and hit her.

"I'm sorry" she said running around the room from me laughing. Just then my mom walked in and everything froze as if we were kids getting told off.

Regina's POV

A lady walked in and looked towards Emma.

"Hi Regina, I'm Mary, Emma's Mom" I looked at Emma and smiled

"Nice to finally meet you Mary" I smiled at her

"Oh call me mom if you like, I mean I'll be your mom one day right?"

"MOM" I laughed at Emma's outburst

"Oh, shut up poppet, you know it's true" I don't think I've ever seen Emma go so red it was adorable, and poppet, I'll have to use that nickname one day

"REGINA" I heard someone shout, my mom ran into the room and literally flung herself over me in tears, she was sobbing so hard. "I'm so so so sorry, please forgive me, I never want to lose my daughter"

"It's ok mom, I forgive you. I understand why you were so protective. But I love Emma and she is a part of my life again and always will be" my mom stood up and walked over to Emma, she looked so scared that her mom stood next her in a very protective way.

"Emma" is all she said until she pulled her into her arms "thank you"

"Em... yeah, no worries Cora" Emma could see my face over my Mom's shoulder. She had a huge grin on her face. It made my heart melt.

"Cora? Its lovely to meet you" and that was it, our moms were inseparable.

After catching up with my mother for a while I started to get tired again and my throat needed a rest from talking. Everyone left apart from my girl of course

"Hi" she said after everyone left

"Hi baby" I motioned her to come back to me which she happily obliged

As much pain as I was in, I was so happy to be alive and even more happy that Emma was by my side. She told me about everything that happened when she came back to the hotel and if it wasn't for her, I would have been raped. I was forever in her debt.

"I will never be able to thank you enough Emma" I said to her

"You don't ever have to thank me baby, you got all the evidence we need to lock him up, I can't believe you managed to sneak that recording. If it wasn't for you, he would be free and I would always have to look over my shoulder, so thank you, god I love you"

I knew it would take a while to get over this trauma, but I knew everything would be ok as long as myself and Emma had each other.

"So, when can we go home" she asked me

"Whenever, we have the rest of our lives together" she learnt over me and kissed my lips, again all the pain vanished, and it was only us in this moment.

She pulled away "damn rights we do my queen. I love you so much"

I pecked her lips "I love you too"


	35. Chapter35

One year later

"OK mam, yup" I have been trying for 45 minutes to get my mother off the phone, my end of the conversation went along the lines of 'uh huh, hmmm, and yeah's!'

"OK, I really need to go, I have to get to work" trying for the millionth time to end the call

"it sounds like you are trying to get rid of me poppet?" I will never get tired of hearing her say that again

"you know I would love to stay and talk to you all day, but I really have to go to work, on the plus side I am really looking forward to seeing you next week"

"me too, me too, OK I will let you go, I need to go to bed anyway these late shifts are killing my old bones, love you loads Emma, I will call you in a few days"

"OK, love you too, bye"

I hung up the phone walking towards my bedroom, or should I say 'our' bedroom, I was met with a glorious sight, a very smooth curved ass facing the heavens. I smirked remembering the night before and made my way over to my gorgeous goddess that was sleeping like an angel in bed.

Last night was amazing, as was the night before that and the night before that. I think you get my drift. I don't think I would ever get tired of her. I crawled up the bed and hoovered over her body. I was in two minds to grab my strap on as she was in the perfect position for me to just take her. Her head way laying on her arms and her left leg was arched up, she looked so peaceful I didn't want to disturb her.

I began to trail kisses from her bottom up along her spine, I felt her stir under me while I ran my fingers up the side of her body. "mmmmm, if I'm going to get woken up like this every morning, I hope you will never leave"

"good morning my Queen, and no, I will never leave"

Regina turned her body round so she was fully facing me, I loved her morning look, she looked so sexy and adorable with her messy hair and tried eyes. She rubbed her eyes again looking so fucking cute, I quickly lowered my body, so I was kissing her neck. I felt her arms warp around my neck bringing her closer to me.

"mmmm, what time is it" she mumbled

"it's 6:30am" I bit and licked her neck

"you better not leave a mark, I have to film today" she said trying to push me away

"they have make-up" I teased back

she pushed me hard on my shoulder and rolled me over, and was now straddling me "no fair Regina" I pouted at her

"shhh baby. Its way to early, why are you up at this time?" she lay her head on my chest and nuzzled into my neck. I brought my arms up and wrapped them around her. She was so adorable

"my mom called me after her shift, it took me an age to get her off the phone, I also have work in an hour, so I need to get ready and go"

"nooooo, don't go baby, stay with me today. Let's be naughty and call in sick?" she lifted her head and gave me that look. That look that can literally make me crumble at her feet in a second.

"URGH, don't give me that look Regina, you know I can't resist it" I tried to get up, but she was having none of it "FINE, I will call Ruby to open up for me"

"YEY" she shouted and attacked my lips with her, it soon got heated like it always does, somehow ending up on the floor with clothes and blankets all over.

Three orgasms later she fell asleep in my arms on the floor.

This past year has possibly been the best of my life, after Regina was discharged from the hospital we stayed in the UK for a month until she was well enough to travel, it also gave me time to see my family again after 13 years, so much time had passed and there was a lot to catch up on. Ruby never wanted to leave my side, but she needed to go back to London to look after the bar. Her relationship ended a few months later, she was devastated for like a week then moved on to the next bird as she liked to say.

Being back in touch with my mother especially, has been one of my highlights over this past year. We have literally picked up where we have left off, we were so close before it's an amazing feeling to finally have that bond back. We still have a long way to go but I am grateful for what we have now.

However, if you were to ask what my biggest highlight was, it was no doubt being with Regina, moving to America to start our life's together at last. I could not have asked for anything more. My life was finally at peace, I am finally at peace with my past and I have happily laid that all to rest. I have the love of my life in my arms, my best friend moved here two months ago. I knew she couldn't resist being so far away from me. Ruby is certainly my go to person, my best friend and I truly wouldn't know what to do without her.

I struggled to find anything to do over here when I first moved over. So, I ended up working out constantly when Regina was on set. Regina suggested one night that I should just open my own gym as I'm working out all the time anyway. It was like a light bulb went off in our heads and sure enough after months of hard work and planning we opened a small gym close to her studios. Ruby was all over the idea and instead of returning to bar work, we opened a healthy eating establishment attached to the gym. It's safe to say it has taken off like a dream come true, we are actually currently looking into opening another Queens Gym next year.

I couldn't have possibly named the gym anything else, could I?

Back home in the UK Killian was sentenced to 25 years to life in prison for attempted murder and rape, luckily, we did not have to make any statements or attend the trial due to the voice recording that Regina made, other evidence that was found at his home, as well as my mother's testimony towards him was enough to send him away for good. That was a very hard day. I will always hate him for what he done. but a part of me is sad that I never seen him for what he truly was. It was hard for Regina also, she ended up going to therapy for the events that happened that night. It took a bigger toll on her than she first realised.

On the subject of back home, Lily called last week and told me she was getting married next year and would love for myself and Regina to come along. I was so happy for her that we couldn't stop crying on the phone. Lily deserved all the happiness in the world, and I am so pleased she has found the one for her. It is nice that myself and Lily are still in touch. I consider her a close friend and Regina understand wholeheartedly

Regina's career is taking off again and she is starting to film another season of her show next month, she has been on multiple chat shows, since the story broke about what happened with Killian in the UK everyone wanted to know our story, I have been on a couple of shows with her but I didn't like it so we agreed that she would deal with the interview side of things. slowly the questions stopped about Killian and concentrated more on her career, which is what we wanted, she is so talented and deserves every inch of success.

Regina and her mam have gotten back on track also which is great to see. Our parents have been getting on very well also. I could see that as a good or bad thing, I guess we will just have to wait and see.

"baby" Regina stirred in my arms

"yes my queen" I turned my head towards her

"I can hear you thinking, is everything OK?" she sounded a little worried

I think it is safe to say that I am the happiest I have ever been.

I am lucky to be alive.

I am lucky to have my family back

I am lucky to have my friends by my side

I am lucky that I have the girl of my dreams, a girl I once knew, a girl I once lost, a girl who was my celebrity crush, a girl that found me again and finally a girl that saved my life.

"Yes, everything is OK, I'm just thinking about everything that's happened over this past year and a half, I can't believe how happy I am with you in my arms right now" the biggest smile crept on her face as she kissed me. I kissed her back with equal passion.

I just hope that girl says 'yes' tonight.

—-

THE END

A/N Thank you so much for reading guys. Hope you all enjoyed the story with our two favorite girls.

Peace!

KP


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